I love my husband and our family. We are currently working on our marriage (his infedelity); I said I would give my all and work on trusting him, which I do give my all, but ck up behind him. Now I am thinking back from the beginning (6 yrs ago), we are always dealing with the same issues and I am tired; I am ready to live life and be happy. I am really thinking of moving on. I don't trust him, I'm not sexually satified, emotionally happy or fulfilled with affection from him. I do love him very dearly. b/cI know him, I think deep down inside, he does not want to be married. How do I get this out of him. He really feels that his job as a husband is to be there paying the bills and loving his kids, he come home every night. To me that's not enough. I want a husband for me as much as a father to my babies. I tried talking to him and he has yet out of 6 yrs admit that he is wrong. He even blame his cheating b/c of me, saying that he tried being open w/me and I played mind games.
2006-10-26 05:48:06 · 30 answers · asked by sassy lady 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's time now for marriage counseling. I say don't give up. Keep working on these issues and talking about them. You have children and they need their mommy and daddy. Go to counseling and try your best to work these things out. I'm sorry for the struggle but you can work past this. That's what For Better, For Worse means.
2006-10-26 05:53:11 · answer #1 · answered by Dr. Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are some basic rules cheating men follow when confronted. The biggest of them all is "never say the truth" and the worst of them all is "put the blame on the wife". If you husband makes attempts towards making you more comfortable and speaking openly about what he has done to you, and shows remorse, he is worth a second chance. If not you really need to move on with your life and be happy. REmember, you are responsible for your own happiness, not your husband or anyone else in the world. You have options and you must chose that option which will make you happy. Good luck.
2006-10-26 13:01:02 · answer #2 · answered by someone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First - no one is to blame for your husband's infidelity but your husband. Men do not go walking down the street and have beautiful women jump out of shrubberies naked and force them into bed. You are not responsible for your husband's character, or lack thereof, so don't let him lay that crap on you.
Second - of course you should be checking up on him. Trust is not something that gets rebuilt overnight, but over time. He has betrayed his family on the most basic level, and he needs to be held accountable to you for that.
Third - did you not realize before you married him that he did not express love and affection for you? Or did he, and he has changed? If it's the former, then I don't understand why you expect him to change. He won't, don't bother trying. If the latter is the case - that he has withdrawn and become disconnected from you as a person, then it is probably time for counselling. Go, either with him or without him. You need a dispassionate third party to talk to - and you'll need much more help than anyone around here is qualified or able to give.
2006-10-26 12:57:24 · answer #3 · answered by jbtascam 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds like such a hard situation! I think you need to take care of yourself...it sounds like you've really tried hard and been open. It is NOT your fault he cheated...just that fact that he's said that shows a great deal of immaturity I think. You need to be an example to your children and make the best life you can for yourself, with or without him. Though sometimes I think people look to much to their partner to fill a void and when they don't they come to the conclusion they have a bad marriage. Just really make sure that it's your relationship that's making you unhappy and not something inside yourself. Maybe you could do a trial seperation and see how you both feel....reality is much more harsh then what we imagine...good luck!
2006-10-26 12:53:46 · answer #4 · answered by me myself and I 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say its time to move on with your life. A husband and a father are too separate things. He will always be Dad to your children regardless if you two are together or not. Sometimes its worse for the children if the parents are in an unhappy relationship with each other- it sets the tone for the entire household. Don't think of it as how many years you have sacrificed to be together as a couple- think of it as how many years left you have to actually take a proactive stance and be in a fulfilling relationship. You owe it to your children to be happy. You will always love him- but you are not "in love" with him anymore. Good luck with whatever decision you make.
2006-10-26 12:53:56 · answer #5 · answered by AGNY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he is playing mind games with you and more than anything sounds really emotionally abusive thats just my take on the whole thing. I think that you should leave I think you are at a dead end and you are just trying to continue in this relationship that someone is just wearing down on you emotionally I think that you should move on for your health sake. Someone who is emotionally abusive to you so much more damaging than someone who is physically abusive towards you. Dont think about jumping into another relationship just let things happen good things come to those who wait. He sounds absolutely controlling at least thats what my take is on it dont let him manipulate you into thinking there is something wrong with you there isnt. You have put so much belief into this marriage but its time for you to either move on or tell him that he cannot treat the way that he does or you are leaving him. Good Luck to you and I hope that you can be happy one day.
2006-10-26 12:56:58 · answer #6 · answered by hmm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I kind of went through the same thing i am 27 years old in may my divorce was final after the worst 7 years of my life.The only thing i got out of the relationship was 2 great kids!There was alot of cheating and alot of verbal abuse.It took me 7 years to finally reliaze that it wasnt going to stop wants it starts there is no fixing it.After all there had to be a reason for it to start anyways.There isnt any love there move on!!!
2006-10-26 12:58:13 · answer #7 · answered by jenn27 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's just wrong...blaming someone else for cheating on them. He cheated because he wanted to ,not because you made him do anything. You said you are working on your marriage, have you been to counseling? If not, you owe it to yourself and your kids to go. Remember this decision doesn't just affect you. Try everything first to make your marriage work and then if he's not willing to do the work to make it good, walk away. Just remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side and everyone has some kind of issues they bring to a relationship. Good Luck
2006-10-26 12:55:00 · answer #8 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get out of it while you still care for him. This marriage isn't worth saving. As long as you care for him you can still have a friendly relationship which would help your kids feel a little more comfortable around both of you. Staying in the relationship can cause you to start to hate him and if you get a divorce then, there would be a lot of tension when you two get together to spend time with the kids.
2006-10-26 12:57:15 · answer #9 · answered by dazedandconfused 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he blames you for his cheating is what they call a red flag. He obviously cannot take responsibility for his actions. What a loser. What sucks is that you have children who will be adversely affected by this. That saddens me. But if you've dealing with this for six years then i don't think marriage counseling would really work. Have you at least considered that? I sincerely wish you the best.
2006-10-26 12:55:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋