Any tips for dealing with a husband gone for long periods at a time?

Question

We've been married 8 years and he's gone to spend a year or a little over training for OTR truck driving, so he will be gone a long stretch at a time, then home again for a short time again and again. We've spent a total of 8 days totally apart other than this. Wondered if anybody had any practical suggestions.

No telling me he's cheating or going to..he's NOT
No telling me to get a boyfriend..NOT an option
No telling me to leave him cuz he shouldn't be away from us, he's doing what is right for us , just need any ideas of help to get through it.

I have 3 little kids, so joining things without them is not an option, and going with him is not an option, training is 3 weeks for the actual CDL, then 8 weeks for the company (no home time) then home every 2 weeks or so

Answer 1

I was a trucker for 13 years, (longhual, regional, and local)been an instructor, and in admissions of a truck school as well.
First of all Congrats on being so supportive of your husbands career choice thats a huge thing! He will need that continued support as he goes through his trainning with the company and completes his 1 to 2 yrs OTR experience. Stay possitive when you talk to him on the phone even when you're missing him, it makes it harder on both of U when you only talk about missing each other or negative stuff. Remember when he does come home on his days off give him time to decompress and get back on family time again before you start asking him to look at the bills or fix a leaky sink. ASk friends for help with repair issues or hire someone if possible trya nd make all his home time just for you and your family. Get online and check out the trucker websites there are some that have support groups for spouses of truckers and it can really help to be able to vent to people who are in the same boat. Some trucking comapniies actully have support groups within their companies to help with families too. If you have kids stay very involved in their activities, If you don't have kids get ahold of your girlfriends and family and make weekly dates with different ones or whole groups to go to dinner and the movies or just window shopping. Take little trips with friends to local places of interest. Where I Live in Calif we have alot of old mineing towns in the foothills and they are really fun to go walk around and look at the shops. plan candle parties, or tuperware parties, or even langerie parties, those are a great excuse to have friends over!
If he doesnt allready have one, get a laptop computer and WiFi for him to take in the truck with a video camera that way he can IM you or email U with his live image and you can get one for your home computer, its alot nicer than just plain old email. Make sure your cellphones are on the same service with free mobile to moblile and unlimited roaming as you will save a bundle on cell bills. When he is done with trainning and has his own truck see about the companies rider program, If they will let you ride with him take some vacation time and do it! you'll be glad you did and so will he! And remember a year isnt really all that long and once he gets that under his belt he can find a good local job and all will be well with the world again
be strong
Good luck

Answer 2

My son was a super fussy baby. He had colic, reflux and gas that he battled until he was about 6 months old. He cried every single evening from 4-9 for the first 4 months of his life. I couldn't take him anywhere because he screamed in the car, and would cry once we got there anyway. Around the time we got all that under control, he had ear infections for another 5 months straight! He's been a pretty terrible napper at various parts of his life, and didn't sleep through the night really until he was 13 and 1/2 months old. Ahhhh! I feel your pain!!! I feel sad that you've ruled out other children because she's difficult. I wouldn't do anything permanent just yet. It seemed that with each month he got a little better. 5 months was a turning point for him for sure! I remember being with a group of friends from church, and he wasn't crying (for the first time!). One friend came up to him and said "you're really turning a new leaf today aren't you?" As he became more aware and was able to do more for himself, he got happier. I will say one thing -- that foods can really mess with a child, and not all pediatricians believe that. My son is terribly, horribly cranky with dairy of any kind. Fusses non-stop, but that's really his only symptom. He's never tested allergic to it, it just really makes him unbearable to live with. When I was nursing I couldn't touch any of it. Not even baked in bread. And now at 19 months I've also had to take away oatmeal, which also puts him in an extremely foul mood. And for that matter, makes him incredibly ornry and naughty! If you're nursing, it's worth a try. He was a completely different baby once I started messing with my diet. The pediatricians even saw the difference! Other than that, one of these days she'll surprise you and you'll find that you're not just making it through the day, but enjoying being with her! Hang in there mama! Every day is a new day!

Answer 3

I know what you are going through. My husband was a project manager for a large company when my children were little. He would get sent away to supervise jobs and sometimes be gone for months at a time!

The days were not bad, my kids kept me running 100mph; but the evenings got kind of lonely. I am not a big TV watcher so found things to do that I loved. I quilted, and painted, did cross stitch...anything to pass the time.

If you don't have children, your options are wide open, you can take classes, join clubs, hang out with your girlfriends...etc.

My children were quite small when this was going on in my life, so it was not realistic for me to join clubs that met in the evenings, etc., because I would have had to hire sitters all the time, and that was expensive.

Just pour yourself into doing things you enjoy and the time will fly.

On the bright side, you do have the Internet to keep you busy now,...when my kids were little it was not around.

Answer 4

Go back to school that is so productive you could join some clubs give back in the community do some volunteer work. The best thing to do is to keep yourself busy while he is away. Obviously get a toy there are a great many out there that work perfectly. But that handles that just make sure in whatever you choose to do that its flexible so that when he is here you can spend as much time together. It is hard to be with someone who is always on the road but eventually you will learn to deal with it. You could eventually even go with him and usually they enough time to spend in the city they are dropping stuff off at that you can have like a mini vacation.

Answer 5

If at all possible go with him on short haul or even long haul routes when practical the seperation is hard I know,just remember that it is how he makes his living as well as provide for you and I think you should get to enjoy seeing places you have never seen before and you will get to see these places for free and remember that not all truck drivers are cheaters most of them avoid lot lizards at all cost Hope this helps.

I just saw what you added about the children well in that case then you should try to find a hobby when the kids are at school do you have friends or family to spend quality time with or do you have any places near your home who may need volunteers or you could be a sub teacher.

Answer 6

Although my husband works only 3 minutes from our home I still see him only a few hours a day, he works from 12 pm to 2 or 3 am and sleeps during the day. weekends are not much better. It has been this way for 12 out of 14 years. I have learned to make the most of our time, even with three children adn one foster. We send emails, write little messages, and we talk on the phone. If you don't have children, or have someone who can help sometimes, you might consider going on the road with him at least once a month.

Answer 7

My husband works out of town Mondays thru Fridays, so I only get to see him for very short periods. It's a lot of work! We talk on the phone every morning and evening (phone sex isn't all that bad!). We trust each other, which is a big thing, too. I work full-time and manage our horse farm, so I'm pretty busy! I do all of the housework, too! When he's gone it's just me and our daughter, so we do okay, she helps out, too. Sunday mornings are just for him and I, and Sunday afternoons are for family. It's worked out well so far, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it's only for a few more months!! Also, he only made the comment once to me of "What do you do all week?" when I didn't get the lawn mowed. His @ss was so sore after that reaming, that that has never come up again!

Answer 8

I have a couple of suggestions. Can you pick a time where you call each other EVERY day to talk about what has happened that day and stay in each others' lives? Can you set short work vacations every few months where the two of you do nothing but relax together? How about writing love notes and sending packages for him to pick up when arrives somewhere? Can you go with him once in awhile?

Hang in there. I am a military brat and my parents did this their whole lives. If you are mature and committed, it can work. It isn't forever and he will come home.

Answer 9

Have you thought about going with him there are a lot of man and woman truck driving teams. i would see if you have children together that this might be a problem i know that this kind of relationship would be hard. My sister is a Marine and she is always having to leave her husband and two daughters to go were they send her but her and her husband have total trust in each other and this is what you need to make a relationship like this work love and trust.

Answer 10

You can get a CDL in what, 6 weeks? I guess I don't get your question. Once he has a job, he'll be gone most of the time?
Once he has experience, he could probably get a job driving locally. There's a demand for experienced truck drivers.
Unless you have a job and/or kids, you could get a CDL license too. Go on some trips with him.
Absence does make the heart fonder.