My husband cheated on me about 2 months ago with a friend of minefor 2 months, I was totally clueless. I was going to her house with my 2 year old son and husband everyday. We talked and I desided to stay with him. He did admit what he did was wrong but I know personally I pushed him away for a long time. I was always yelling at him and took him for granted. We stopped sleeping together. I would threaten divorcing him numerous times out of anger. He thought I was divorcing him. I admit I was wrong also. He told me everything and explained that he had no thought process throughout it all. He never thought of what he was losing. Afte the fact now, he has thought about it and tells me he knows what he did was wrong. He said, you gave me a second chance and I won't screw this up again. He knows if he does it again, there won't be another chance.I gave him the chance to leave without custody problems and he stayed. Is once a cheater always a cheater true?
2006-10-26 05:18:15 · 29 answers · asked by little_effin_sunshine 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he is important enough to you I would give him that second chance because you can't put all men into one category. Good Luck.
2006-10-26 05:38:26 · answer #1 · answered by ld123 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, once a cheater always a cheater isn't always true. For the most part, yes most cheaters will cheat again, but whose to say your husband will. Cheating is a very hard thing to forgive and to get over. If you are going to give him another chance, then you really need to be willing to forgive this. It's going to be hard and there are times when you are going to question and want to through this in his face, but don't. It won't do either of your of your son any good. I hope it all works out for you and your family. Also, most married couples have problems, and yes even though you threatened with divorce before, it NEVER gives the right to cheat. Try a marriage counselor. This may help with the other problems you are having.
Good luck to you.
2006-10-26 05:27:10 · answer #2 · answered by breezygirl 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No its not in this case. And he should also be giving you a second chance. You were purely evil to him. Why was that? You should seek a marraige counsler and maybe you should try going to go to counseling classes on your own. What he did was wrong and you should have communicated more and he shouldnt have done that. But its kind of like a dog if you beat a dog it will eventually attack you. You cause all of this and only you can change the situation otherwise you are just going to repeat history and it might not end being such a great outcome. Work on yourself figure out why you had done what you did why you felt the way that you did. You guys can work through this but have faith in your marriage and trust has been broken between the two of you try to repair that. Dont feel hopeless and feel that he is going to do it again. He loves you otherwise he wouldnt have put up with so much unhappiness throughout the years. Just work on yourself and dont repeat history. Its great that you have acknowledge the way that you treat him its a shame it had to be the way that it was but at least your next step is to fix it. You guys will work through this and be happy with each other you just both have to want that. Good Luck!
2006-10-26 05:31:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I believe that people make mistakes. So it is possible that he realized what he was going to lose. Sometimes we take the people in our lives for granted and don't realize it until it is not there. I had a problem with my boyfriend cheating on me, although i never caught him and him and the girl still swear that they weren't sleeping together only conversating. I asked him to move out. He never really moved, he stayed the night at his mom's to give me time to cool down. After he realized how serious I was about leaving him, he has made a wonderful change. We have a great relationship now, it is better than it ever has been before. So if he is truly sorry and both of you are willing to really sit and examine the problems and work thru them if it is meant to be it will work out. But as a footnote, I still have alot of trouble trusting him. I believe with all my heart he is doing right by me right now, I still have the what-ifs. It will be hard not to argue with him about that. I wonder about the future if he will do it again. But ALL relationships have ups and downs, noone is perfect. If you feel that you want to work it out, trust your heart.
2006-10-26 05:37:54 · answer #4 · answered by givelife 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hmm. I have to say that... personally I do believe in once a cheater always a cheater. I don't feel like in a marriage that -anything- is a good enough reason to cheat.
I was married for well over a year to a man who beat me every day, cheated on me all the time (and I knew it), and talked down to me like I was nothing. I had more than my fair share of opportunities to cheat on him, but I didn't. That's how important my vows were to me.
(And yes, I know, it was stupid of me to stay with him, but I was young. I've since left him. Quite happily.)
I don't think you should cheat on him if he cheats on you, but I also know for me personally. Cheating is the one thing that I cannot forgive. Nothing you did was anywhere near as bad as what was done to me. He shouldn't have cheated on you. You're his wife. And, I believe that if he did it over that, then he'd do it again.
I also understand, however, that when you love someone, it's really hard to leave them. If he was a good husband up until that point... well then if you think that you can forgive him, you have a baby together, maybe for you it's worth trying to keep on.
I would keep a close eye on him. Don't throw it in his face, but be very careful and yes. I would drop all my 'female friends' like hotcakes. After all. They aren't the ones you share your life with.
I feel for you hon. I've been there. I just wish you the best of luck and hope you got one of the guys who won't make the same mistake twice.
Your friend that he cheated with, however? Should be drawn and quartered. :) No woman should ever do that to her friends.
2006-10-26 05:40:21 · answer #5 · answered by Erin R 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The way you described everything...I think the both of you, were going through your own paths, and taking much for granted. Maybe just the drama was missing?
I feel like he definitely deserves another chance, at least from what you wrote. Mental trauma, is very difficult...and if it wasn't characteristic of him, then i am sure he didn't even really realize why he was drifting away from you.
You should also appreciate the fact that he was man enough to admit that he was wrong, and didn't blame you for it.
Give him the benefit of the doubt, strengthen your relationship...the both of you messed up, in your own ways, his is just one that we all can easily point fingers at. He is your husband, obviously loves you, and try to accept that, and love him the way you would want to be loved.
2006-10-26 05:36:12 · answer #6 · answered by Patience 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would say, if things don't change on both of your parts, he'll probably be doing it again at some point, he will simply be more careful about it.
I don't know why you would even live with a person if you keep threatening him with divorce all the time. Divorce isn't something to be taken lightly. Sounds like you need to learn to control your anger, or it's going to ruin your marriage, and eventually your life. Good luck.
2006-10-26 05:40:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe in once a cheater, always a cheater. When couples are having problems, it is very easy to stray. If he truly is sorry, then he won't do it again. Everyone deserves a second chance. However, if he cheats again, then I would move on. Good luck.
2006-10-26 05:26:37 · answer #8 · answered by bostonchick 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm. I think you both abandoned the marriage. Maybe you are both back and engaged in keeping it alive now.
I don't like those maxims that try to predict human behavior. I would say that you should not develop any close female friends under the age of 80 for a few dozen years, if that's where his weak point is. Grandmas make good sitters for many reasons. He may never stray again, but why put temptation in his way?
2006-10-26 05:22:37 · answer #9 · answered by nora22000 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
To be honest ...YES..My husband had an affair on me for almost a year under my nose with a co-worker..I knew nothing of it until the woman called me on my job and told me..First of all let me say this...Stop blaming yourself...There is no excuse for a married man to sleep with another woman and risk loosing his family.. My husband tried to say the same thing's...Baby I'm sorry and all that, So I took him back ..He promised never to do it again and all that...
We have been 2gether for 13 years..we have 4 kids 2gether and 1 on the way,,,I have no trust in him..A few months ago I found a few women number's..Of course he tried to make up a story..they are just friends he says...Whatever a married man don't need female friends. I don't have any hard core evidence, But sometimes I get those gut feelings..TRUST THEM ALWAYS...They never lie!!! I've also called my husband names when he's made me mad..But that don't give him the right to go stick another woman..WHAT..Boo-Hoo cause I called you a name...Whatever..That's a load of bull.
I will tell you this watch him closely...Snce you took him back..You gotta try to maintain and hold it together..But I would always be on alert..Don't be too trusting...Time should heal the wounds..But you'll always think about it..It's natural too...It will take time to get 100% over... Well I wish the best for you...I was reading on here where these men on here talking bout how they cheated on there wife..That makes me so sick to read. Men are just weak...I mean WEAK MINDED!!! Well good luck :)
2006-10-26 05:31:08 · answer #10 · answered by mmarie1221 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
first things first... NEVER blame yourself. Your yelling at him and pushing him away is not the reason he cheated. He knew what he was doing, your friend knew what she was doing too. And the fact that they did it in your face and you didn't even know it is awful. A marriage is supposed to be 50/50.. there had to be something he was doing to make you yell at him and push him away. So it is not totally your fault and I hope you did not give him this out. Which means you gave him the reason he was seeking to cheat and you could easily forgive what you forced him to do. Sorry, there is no reason at all to seek outside a marriage. Dr. Phil says it all the time. I know you forgave him, but unfortunately he got away with it once, he'll do it again especially if you claim it's your fault.
2006-10-26 05:32:09 · answer #11 · answered by odessa2469 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋