I have a one year old son, Gavin. His biological father has never called or wanted anything to do with him and said he wants to sign over his rights. I am married now and my husband thinks of Gavin as his own. His bio. father's mom used to call me all the time and want to see Gavin, and threatened me some, and made me a little uneasy about the whole deal.
I know that she wanted to be involved with Gavin's life, and she was very hurt by the situation, b/c I didn't let her see Gavin....reason is that, I knew she was trying to push her son into being a dad. I didn't want Gavin to grow up feeling neglected by him and confused, though. Not to mention he wasn't willing to grow up and help me and pay child support. So,now I am feeling guilty about not letting her see him, b/c it's not her fault that her son is a jerk. My husband wants to adopt Gavin after the bio. father signs over his rights. If she would leave her son out of it, then do you think I should let her see him??
2006-10-26 05:11:37 · 11 answers · asked by Cal0507 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
CONFUSING..... I'M SO SORRY YOUR SON IS CAUGHT IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS.......... OK My eldest daughter her father has nothing to do with her and my husband tell everyone that she is his daughter... I use to let her see her bio.dad family(his sister,brother, &her grandpa) but they would call her dad behind my bak and he would say not to listen to me or my husband and to do the wrong things... so I cut all of them off... but if you think you can trust hr go for it but just be carefull... my baby was very confused she didn't understand don't put him through the same thing......
good luck....
2006-10-26 05:20:11 · answer #1 · answered by tee k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation. My husband now adopted my son after his bio father signed over his rights. I let my son see the family still and it did not last. I think that you need to use your own judgement and think of your son. If you truly believe that Gavins grandmother is sincere then yes she is still his family too. Good Luck
2006-10-26 05:19:10 · answer #2 · answered by Beala 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should at least give her a chance. It is her Grandson and even though her son doesn't want to be involved it sounds like she could be some support for you and the child deserves the chance to meet his Grandma. I think it's great that your husband wants to adopt him. You are very lucky. Just tell her how you're feeling and your concerns. I;m sure she will understand your feelings. You should just make sure that he's not going to be there before you take him over and tell her that. If she wants to be part of his life she'll do what you ask of her.
2006-10-26 05:37:14 · answer #3 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A grandmother is a grandmother all the rest of her life or the kids life....Once resolved about the father issue, dont you think she will be positive in her socializing with Gavin if you told her that was the rule? Being a grandmother is fragile territory...You buy toys, babysit, and then BAM! Yelling and screaming...It is rough being a grandmother when marriage is not in the picture for those involved...She feels bad enough
2006-10-26 05:17:54 · answer #4 · answered by Patches6 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should because as you said she can't help that her son is a jerk but she is the grandmother and she wants to be in her grandson's life. Granparents have rights too. Let your ex sign his parental rights over and let your husband adopt your son and set some visitation up with the grandmother. I would talk to the grandmother first and let her know what the situation is but that you want to include her in your son's life.
2006-10-26 05:24:43 · answer #5 · answered by Marie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, despite what people tell you, guilt is a negative emotion which nobody needs. It actually doesn't have any function other than to realize that it is a form of suffering to be dropped. Don't get me wrong and think that I'm advocating "immoral" behaviour. I'm not. What goes around, comes around. Parents, grandparents, family often "guilt-trip" people. Just don't take it personally. My step-mother was (and still is) an expert at guilt-tripping. Luckily my immunity has built up to it though. We are responsible for our selves. Whether you're there or not, she is responsible for her way of seeing things. I think what you have to do is just look at several different perspectives on the issue. I can tell you for one thing, you've gone a step beyond most people your age, because most of us don't even go help our grandparents like that. Even our parents don't. Just don't take what she says personally. I would suggest reading some spiritual books if you're into it. I'm not asking you to be a Bible Thumper or anything, but maybe read some Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle, or Byron Katie. Any one of these writers will help you to see things in a different perspective. Don't get caught up in your emotions. Just watch them pass through. Best of everything!
2016-05-21 22:21:51 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let her see him.. You are right, it's not her fault her son is not a man and taking on the father responsibilities. I would wait until all the papers are signed though.. You don't want any funny business happening with your ex's mom. You just never know. Let her see her grandson. A child can never have enough people to love them.
2006-10-26 05:21:55 · answer #7 · answered by Shy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow I am in the same situation. It does really stink I hate to break her heart but I know she would bend my rules and let him see the baby. So from other peoples advice to me She is allowed to see him at specific times and places. Which she hates. So when I do let her take him home I have every right to go there at any time or whoever I want. I also told her the consequences if she disobeys me. So far so good. If she enjoys the time and loves the baby she will do what she can to see him. Good luck!!!
2006-10-26 05:21:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure. From your description is sounds like this may be the only chance for her to have a grandchild. Just put your self in her shoes. It'll turn out all right. She might make a great Grandma.
2006-10-26 05:16:17 · answer #9 · answered by missgigglebunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you could still let her see him, as long as you set some ground rules. its really not her fault that her son is a jerk, and if she wants to have a relationship with her grandson, why stop it? you can never have too many people who love you in your life.
2006-10-26 05:15:10 · answer #10 · answered by jojo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋