BEFORE you all blast me! i am 40, i have had sex with her twice this year and both times i had to beg!!! we have children, i can't leave her, she always makes me miserable in every way. manic depression is here past time, i can't do it anymore but i will not leave my kids.
the girl i had sex with 20 minutes ago was amazin, she made me feel 20 again!! it was just sex and she knows that. GOD forgive me
what in the name of GOD am i going to do now, i will not tell my wife of 13 years, no way, my kids!! what do i do???? the sex was amazing, wow, OMG i feel like a kid again, but my kids are more important than me leaving the wife to just have fun.
The wife will never change, never, she will just get worse but i will not tell her or leave her, how do i look at here tonight if she is in an okay mood and decides not to verbaly abuse me again.
i told the lady i had sex with my problems and she made me feel relaxed before we did it, she is also leaving country tomorrow, no strings...
2006-10-26 05:03:03 · 50 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't want to sound evil, and I should be taking your wife's side........BUT GOOD FOR YOU!!! If your wife is not there for you physically, sexually, emotionally, etc. Then by all means fill your needs elsewhere. You know they say "staying together for the kids" is the absolute WORST thing you can do. You say she verbally abuses you - and this is what your kids are exposed to - I think they'll end up more f***ed up in the head if remain in this unhappy marriage. What kind of examples are you setting? A divorce from your wife IS NOT a divorce from your children. Many "broken" families still have both parents playing an active role in the kids lives.
2006-10-26 05:14:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You made a mistake, Yes. Howvever, you do not have to make the same mistake twice. First, can you state anything positive about your relationship with your wife? If no, consider a conversationwith her, on neutral ground about how both of you feel about each other. One thing you could do is to write down the five things that mean the most to you in the world. If there are matches, maybe you need to re-connect and counselling or "relationship" coaching would be helpful. If there is little to say, start moving toward separation (no casual sex while in this mode-it fogs the brain!-plenty of time later after the divorce...it will be used against you in court if you are found out and there are custody issues). It sounds like you lack intimacy on many levels with her and she is abusive. Is there a substance abuse problem? After objective review of where you are as a couple, and if there are too few shared passions, move on! Life is too short to live miserably. As for the "lady", she isn't one if she had no-strings sex with a married man.
2006-10-26 05:17:52 · answer #2 · answered by diana s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely can't leave your kids.You have to just stick it out with your wife. Let this be the last time.Please go and see a marriage counsellor!! Do it for your children make it work out somehow! Have you ever considered why your wife is like that?? Don't give up on her!!! Find a way to make it work!! You've had your fun now its over!! Don't ever go back there!! It is a sin and the people who's lives its going to destroy the most is your children!! You have got no idea what its going to do to them!! the other thing is that you need to learn to please youself sexually!! By that I don't mean going to an outsider for help.You need to really take a good look at what happened in the past that made things go wrong for you and your wife!! You really need to put in the time for your wife.. Take her out, come home early cook supper!! Do something.Make her feel good.Put her needs before your own!! Just push yourself!! rediscover the women that you fell in Love with to begin with!! Rather stay with a devil that you know then a devil you don't know!! trust me!! you might be yearning for the greener grass on the other side but its never actually greener.You need to put some work and effort into it to make it work !! What you reap you sow.Please just put this behind you!! Your family unit is by far more important!!! You are the maker of your own destiny!! Please I beg you just keep pushing!! It really is worth it at the end of the road...
2006-10-26 05:36:08 · answer #3 · answered by Dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i hope you used protection and you should not have sex with your wife again if you are going to continue to do this. If you refuse to tell her and refuse to leave her then protect her because if you do have sex with her ever again and she gets an STD she sounds like the type who would have no problem leaving you or telling your kids about it. No matter what you will come out of this situation the bad guy, sooner or later. This is not a dress rehersal, this is the real thing baby. You only get one chance to live and you are spending it miserably. You are going to look back on your life one day and realize you spent it in misery. You need to find something to make you happy so you don't regret your life later.
2006-10-26 05:12:56 · answer #4 · answered by BeachBABE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, here's what you do. Pretend that what happened never happened, but make her an ultimatum that if she does not start meeting your sexual needs, and be explicit on exactly what you mean by that, then you will have no choice but to have your needs met elsewhere. At this point one of two things will happen.
1. She will tell you that she has honestly lost interest in sex, but because she loves you she will give you permission to have sex with other women.
2. She will become very upset that you would even suggest such a thing, and tell you that if you have sex with anyone else she will consider it cheating. This will tell you she still does have interest in sex, but that there is something bothering her about your marriage, and the two of you will need to have a lot of deep conversations to find out what that is.
Either way, you'll get what you want and so will she. But be honest about your needs, and things will work out.
2006-10-26 05:12:25 · answer #5 · answered by Steven S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Staying for the sake of the kids is doing you all a disservice. For one thing, you AND your wife deserve a better life. More importantly, think of what you are teaching your kids by staying when neither one of you is happy. They are learning that it's normal behavior and that love and marriage doesn't particularly feel good. If you choose to stay, which is what you are determined to do, you owe it to yourself, your wife, and your children to get into counseling (which might mean going through a few counselors to find one which is right for you both) and make things right, no matter what the cost, no matter what the effort. You and your wife are too young to be giving up on each other and "settling" for a life together that is not so fulfilling.
If you are looking for justification for cheating, there is none. Very uncool. Save the marriage or get out of it, for everyone's sake.
2006-10-26 05:11:27 · answer #6 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe its ok to leave your wife, you should never put anyones happiness before your own, except your kids, but splitting with your wife doesn't necessarily have to affect your kids in a bad way, maby you can have custody of them, since the mother has a history of manic depression. Just take a deep breath realize its not the end of the world, and I don't blame you, your only human and humans have needs, even sexual ones. If you don't make a change now, things will never get better, and life's to short not to be happy.
2006-10-26 05:11:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well..I feel for your wife....Now I'm not going to blast you, but there are always two sides to every story..I am married with 4 children and am pregnant right now by my husband. We have been together for 13 years too...We have our up's and down's and argument's..you name it.. We have even talked about divorcing, but he feels the same way about his kids he loves them so much..
He's made the comment to me the only reason we're together is cause of the kids..But every marriage is not the same, But similar in certain ways, If you love your kids like you say you do..Then how can you risk loosing them over a few moments of satisfaction. I'm sorry to say, but what's done in the dark will eventually be brought into the light..It never fails...
Have you even asked your wife how she feels about you??? Maybe her sex drive is there, But she may be turned off in some way...It's more to the story why she don't want to have sex with you. I will tell you this...You need to try to reconcile with your wife because it sounds to me that your on the road to a divorce...cause apparently she's not happy either...
2006-10-26 05:17:56 · answer #8 · answered by mmarie1221 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow...
heavy stuff....
even though the picture you've painted makes your wife a monster and you the victim...you shouldn't have cheated. There are no excuses...you married her so that's the life you have...If you want to change it you should tell her things need to change or your leaving. Give her a chance, no change then you need to leave. Your kids deserve at least one happy parent right. That whole staying for the kids thing is wrong because it does no service to teach your kids to stay in a situation that they are miserable in and being verbally abused. You two are showing them what marriage and love is....
Keep in mind you are living the life you choose on every level.....
good luck to you....
2006-10-26 05:31:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't take all this wrong but.. You say you love your kids! If you did you would not have slept with that other woman. Just remember these things most all of the time come out and who do you think will suffer? Not you or the Wife! Please tell your wife. Because if she ever found out she might take your babies away from you. Explain how you feel and tell her that you love her. Take her out once in a while and buy her prezzies for no reason. It will work. Trust me. Don't worry I think that everone has the thought of Adultry. God will forgive you if you ask him! But never do it again!
2006-10-26 05:13:01 · answer #10 · answered by rach 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋