What should I do?

Question

Ok here is the thing I am married andhave been for nearly 13 years I have always loved my wife and have remained faithful. Then about a year ago she fell for another guy. but after I found out and her and I talked I gave her a choice to leave or stay she choose to stay. I have poured my heart out to her and have changed things about myself that I knew needed to changed to make things work and she did the same. The guy she had feel for kept his distance and said that he was happy that she was commited to makeing things work with her and I. I then found something that basically broke the line of honesty and trust in a message he left her talking about how hard it is for him not to stop by and see her and to say certain things. all along I have fought to prove to her my love and she has told me that she loves me then there are times she seems distant I question it and she gets upset with me and then finally a month ago she said she still has feelings for him and she didn't know what she

wants. over the past few weeks more and I find out she hadn't been completely honest with me about all that went on between her and this other guy. however she sticks to her guns about not sleeping with the guy and that it wasn't about sex. I honestly do believe her on that. I promised her that Iwouldn't give up on her and that I love her with all of my heart. However yesterday I met the girl and we were just having a conversation and i felt a connection that is above and beyond anything I have ever felt with anyone else. I have almost wanted to pursue it by asking her to just go hang out and talk some more but I am confused and unsure of what it is I should I don't want to be unfaithful to my wife but I believe in fate destiny soto speak and that is basically why i am so confused because of how I met the other girl and things she said to me that knocked me off of my feet. help!!!

there are no words to describe the things that race through my mind of late and the ache in my heart I actually had to go see a doctor because of chest pains I thought I was having a heart attack and I am only 30 years old.

I pray to god every day. for things to get better and at times they seem great and then with the distance that seems to just appear things feel as though they are right back a square 1 and it is again the lack of or the avoiding the questions or changing the subject that gets me. I have my faults and i am not perfect. but I work at being a better person everyday. with faith in god the love of my 3 children and the hopes that she loves me in the as she once did.

Answer 1

She is caught up in a love triangle. She doesnt know what she wants she has feelings for the two you. I honestly dont think that things ever really work out after a spouse has commited Infedility. Its best to let it go she is confused and she will always wonder you just have to let her go and make the decision easier for her. You have to do it for your sake because otherwise you will go crazy and you will have an unhappy marriage and you'll be miserable because all you will think is "is she thinking about him?" To me its just to hard to look past that kind of pain because in the back of your mind you will always wonder. And it is very unfair to you that she is getting angry with about it because she is the one that caused the insecurities with your relationship. I know you love her and you have been together for such a long time you should look at this situation and see if you can really look past it, are you going to be able to not drive yourself crazy wondering whether she is thinking about him. Once you have come to that conclusion then you'll have your answer.

You shouldnt be thinking about being with another woman right now remember everything happens for a reason and this isnt the best timing. If things end with your wife fine but dont leave her because you have found someone else. If things were to work out between you and this girl thats great but dont leave your wife for her. Let things run its course. Like you said and you probably believe the same things that I do but if it is meant to be then it will still happen just at a better time then now. Just let things happen as I said they happen for a reason. Figure out things with your wife first and figure out whether you can or cant be with her and if not then pursue this other person. I think you know the answer to that and really in my opinion I dont see it working out in your marriage as far as what you have said. Well good luck to you and dont let other people decide how you feel.

Answer 2

Perhaps another serious talk is in order between the two of you. Give her the opportunity to really freely open up to you. If this is too difficult, you both might suggest 3rd party intervention. You need to feel secure in your marriage. It's not fair that you feel you don't know where you are at with her. She owes it to you to work this out with you with all honesty, so that you two can continue on. You have been very supportive and loving. I'm really impressed. I don't know what changes you both made...maybe doesn't matter. But I am feeling like that "change" is not the issue, it's the feelings of another man in her life that came along. There might be very little you can do to change for her. She needs to make a choice. You've been lovingly together for 13 years. Sometimes two people go their separate ways becuase of life. But it doesn't mean that either of you might have failed in something. So talk and get to the root of all this with or without professional help. I think that is the best. Good luck. :)

Answer 3

I wouldn't get caught up in that. If this girl is amazing, you need to distance yourself from her and work on things with your wife. As of now you are unavailable. You have 13 good years with your wife... do you want to throw it away over a year-long rocky period and take off with a girl you don't even know? You are probably infatuated with her and like the fact that she is a listening ear when you need one the most.

I think if you pursue it, you'll regret it. If things don't work out with your wife, then give it a shot, but not until then.

Answer 4

I am so sorry you are having to go through this!!! I commend you on trying to make it work!!! Have you gone to counseling together? you need to talk truthfully and they can help you get through this. It has to go both ways though. you have to tell her to make the choice. no more lies, no more hurt. she is stringing you along now if she doesn't want to be with you. it hurts so bad!! I know, i am going through the same thing. BUT AT LEAST YOU BOTH TRIED!!! YOU TRIED!!! That is the best thing you can offer! what ever happens, make sure you put yourself FIRST! you have to make yourself happy first! you have to be OK with yourself FIRST! you have to be OK with you so you can love another person. do not let her mess up how kind and trusting you are! There are other women who are hoping for a man to show them that there are men like you! Be sincere with yourself! I wish you all the luck and happiness you can have!

Answer 5

Wow. You are in a bad spot. The easy answer is to leave her, but life isn't normally very easy, is it? Especially when you're talking about matters of the heart.Have you two tried counselling? It may bring alot of things out in the open that need to be said. It isn't her fault if the other guy comes around, but she should have told you he did immediately, and not let you find out the way you did.

Answer 6

Stick to your guns. Tell her that she needs to make an decision because she cannot longer keep up deceiving you. I know that this hurts, but you cannot keep on dragging this situation any further.
I'm sorry that you have to go through this. You deserve her faithfulness and if she cannot be faithful, then there is no point in continuing being unhappy.

Good luck

Answer 7

It sounds like you have done all you can for this marriage. It also sounds like she has a way of manipulating you into thinking you are the bad guy. In the end, she cheated, and is now considering cheating again; she is probably already cheating again. I do not see another avenue except the divorce.

Answer 8

Get the hell out of there. You don't have to prove anything to her. She is lucky you did not dump her before. Leave her because she does not deserve you. If you stay then it is your fault if your heart gets broke. Don't let your heart control your head:) Good luck

Answer 9

Your wife is confused but does love you but she might need some space maybe one fo you should look into moving into an apartment or go seek marriage consuling you seem to be trying and she cant let go of him. sorry to hear hopefully things will look up

Answer 10

You need to move away or drop her...You seem like a pretty nice guy and you gave her another chance Now she wants to do this whole ( I don't know what to do ) BS ...It's time for you to put your foot down and Say hey you know what forget about him or Get the fu*k out of my house !!!!!!!!! I'm sure she'll drop him.