Am I asking too much?

Question

My bf and I have differences of opinion. I would like him to do things not because I tell him to do them but because inside he wants to do them. For example, I felt that he was talking to this girl too much. His solution was to stop talking to her. I wanted him to realize for himself that he was talking to her to much. I want him to know what is acceptable or not without me telling him. Am I asking for too much?

He hid how much he was talking to her because he said I would over react.

Answer 1

Yes you are asking too much. Men dont feel the same about things like women do and never will. If your having these feelings about something then you need to tell him and you need to guide him on how to fix it. They will never understand women or know what they want for sure. There is nothing wrong with guiding him at lease he is doing it and he didnt have a problem I know it means more when they do it on their own but you cant expect that. Just remember give more expect less.

Answer 2

Well you appear to be controlling at least to some degree. it also seems that he takes orders well as he immediately stopped talking to the girl as instructed. This is all OK assuming you would respond in the same way to his demands. And yes it would be nice if we could have the foresight to know which of our actions those we care for will not like. Some things are obvious as if his discussions with this other girl were intimate or leading to something more serious he should know not to do it without being told. If it was just a platonic friendship it is another matter altogether.

Answer 3

Well, I would think that you are asking to be respected, bottom line. Your boyfriend respected you by stopping conversations with another female. You told him and he stopped. It's impossible to expect anyone to read another's mind, so, you do have to voice your opinions and concerns. The fact that he had heard you and reacted appropriately says volumes! It's almost inevitable that people do not realize what they are doing is wrong until it is discussed, so, yes, you do seem to be asking for a bit much. Be happy that you were able to voice your concerns and then be respected. Best to you.

Answer 4

What exactly is your complaint? That he did what you wanted, or that you had to ask him to do it? Obviously there was nothing secretive or overly intimate about his friendship with that girl, cause it never occurred to him that it would bother you. And when he found out that it did, he willingly gave it up just because you didn't like it. And that right there should be a lesson for you.

There's nothing unacceptable about him having friends, male or female...he hid nothing from you. But there is something unacceptable if you feel you have the right to choose his friends for him.

Answer 5

He probably doesn't see these things as a big deal and almost every woman in the world will make herself crazy trying to make him realize why these things bother us. The only thing that really matters is that he notes that something is a problem and fixes it. A ghood man doesn't need an explanation of WHY it makes you upset just that it does. It sounds like you've got a good one.

Answer 6

Yes, you are extremely overbearing and controlling. The fact that you even use the words "tell him what to do", says a lot about you. Do you think he is a child? He knows what he is doing and feeling. The relationship was probably innocent. When he understood that it made you uncomfortable, he ended it. He did the right thing. You are not his mother.

Answer 7

No your not asking to much...You have every right to feel that way about him talking to much to another woman. You really can't trust that anyway, and in the long run it could cause problems..If it bother's you now then it's a problem.

I understand where your coming from when you say you want him to do it, because it's what he want's not you..But sometimes men are so wrapped up in what they do that they don't take in consideration how you feel about a certain situation, So it's best to say how you feel about it..I do belive he did the right thing, But not talking to her as much. It goes to show he don't want to mess up what you two have over something not worth it. So..No your not asking too much..Never feel that way.

Answer 8

Yes, your are asking too much. The fact that he respects you enough to stop is good. Men have different ways of thinking then women and you will never get them to think the same as you. He is willing to respect your feelings and that counts for a lot. We just wish men would think like us, but it will never happen. Not that I wont get alot of slack for this one but men are simple creatures who only think with one side of their brain. They can't help it , thats the way they were made.

Answer 9

the chances are he wont change because he just isnt who you want to turn him into,,he either sees things or he doesnt,,,given time a lot may change but things such as mind reading are unlikely to be on his list of things to do,,,,,,,you can try to alter,,a nip here a tuck there but the template has to be there and if its not,,,,,,,,,,smile and get on with it or end it.and lets be honest,most dont see dirty dishes,or the loo seat,,or indeed completely missing the loo,apparently it takes a special bloke who admits to knowing how to use the washing machine and what the hell is an iron?if he is a good man the rest isnt so important,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Answer 10

Yours is not the first of such cases. The men will never know that they are crossing the line until his gf or wife tells him so. Sometimes and most times their arms have to be twisted before they are willing to stop.

So my advice is........tell him what he doesn't know or don't care to acknowledge and make him stop doing it or threaten to leave. Otherwise he will never know or realise the seriousness of it.