Because he is too proud to admit HE'S the problem. When people cheat, for any reason, THEY are the one to blame. If he had a problem, he could've come to you first with it instead of seeking out affection from another woman. It is the most disrespectful thing he could've done to you. Cut your losses and lose the cheating liar. There are better men out there that won't lie and cheat.
2006-10-26 04:45:20
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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First of all, EACH person is responsible for their OWN actions! If he wasn't getting your attention, then he should have tried endless ways to get it, and talk to you about it. If he had tried everything, and there was still no change, then the both of you should have tried counseling. If that had not worked either, then he should have gotten separated, and if that did not help, then filed for a divorce. Cheating should not have been an option.
Stop, immediately feeling any guilt towards this situation! He is an adult, as are you...
Now the decision lies with you, can you stay and forgive and get over him cheating? Go to counseling? Or realize that you don't want it to work, and it can't work?
What ever you decide, let it be with a clear mind. Maybe a weekend away, or some sort of trip would help...if you can.
Regardless of what you decide, make sure you know what you expect, and don't settle for less.
John B, has some good points, your husband might have been feeling very neglected! Has he done this in the past, or is this the first time? I suggest, you don't give up so easily, do you think you could forgive him? If you can, then he needs to voice his needs from now on, and im sure you will be a lot more attentive than you have been...
This could be a huge step forward in your marriage...However, he needs to stop blaming, and you need to be aware of where you might have fallen short. If the two of you work through this, then you might even fall deeper in love. Both of you have to forgive, and move on, not giving guilt trips to each other, but loving, and communicating in a much better way.
For better and for worse right? You know your husband better than any of us do, Val. Is it, or is it not worth another shot.
2006-10-26 05:07:38
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answer #2
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answered by Patience 3
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When someone cheats in a relationship it is never the other persons fault, however the reasons for cheating are usually something is amiss in the relationship and the person that chooses to be unfaithful is looking for somthing that they feel is lacking from their end. Instead of looking for a solution within the relationship they begin to look ealsewhere. Often times the offender just doesnt have a clue how to communicate his or her needs effectivly to their partner and instead finds a sympathetic ear (or booty in this case) to fill the need. Remember the "need" isn't allways sexual its more often an intamacy issue and the issue can run the gammet from being personal contact to disscussing and dealing with finances within the relationship. If you can Seek some counseling and be prepared to be very open its crucial to repairing the damage and moving on in a possitive direction. I wish you much luck and hope things work out
2006-10-26 05:03:33
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answer #3
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answered by Anonymous
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Well, of course he's going to blame *someone*. People tend to do this in general, and guilty people especially. Very few folks have the courage to say - I screwed up, it's my fault. And if they do have this sense of responsibility - they are probably less likely to engage in the wrongdoing to begin with. Irresponsibility breeds irresponsibility. Even as people are doing something that can possibly be perceived as "bad", their mental mechanisms are hard at work, trying to justufy the act for themselves. Once this is done - the justification is found - it becomes the excuse they use for everyone else, too.
This said, there are lessons to be learned from the experience for both parties. If you place all the blame squarely on him, you would be acting the same way as he does. Both people carry at least 50% of the blame; after all, you chose him as your husband to begin with, and you're reaping the consequences of your choice. Leaning from your mistakes is the best way to proceed. Be prepared for a bold move if you don't feel he is willing to learn from his.
2006-10-26 05:34:08
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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you can see from all the answers from women they have zero tolerance for this. Most may have experienced the same thing.
You should know that women are doing this almost as much as men anymore so it is not just men.
What your husband was trying to tell you...that you could not hear because of your anger and disappointment.....was that he needs more than just to live with you. Men do not marry out of convenience or to even have a life partner. Most men....while they do love their wife's....marry for the prospect of being intimate with someone they really care about on a regular basis.
When that stops....for what ever reason....he feels like he is no longer loved. You can keep the house clean....take care of the children and see to all their needs....be a very good partner in life but if the sex goes it is a MAJOR loss for him. I am sure most women think that if he needs the big O so much just go take care of it but it is so much more than that. It is a clear and unmistakable sign of your love if you want him......not just lay there until he is done.....but want him.
It is as important to him as his attention to you is for you. Maybe more. Some men cannot resist an opportunity and if there are problems with his sex life it makes it much harder.
If he truly cares for you and does not want to loose you....and it sounds to me like he does....he can not admit to you he has done this. He is kidding only himself but we all do that about something.
Sit him down...tell him what you know....and demand he tell you the truth. However if you present it in such a way it is clear if he does admit it you are history you may never hear if from him.
2006-10-26 05:09:52
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answer #5
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answered by John B 5
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Until he feels real remorse your marriage can not continue.
You can live in the house together and make nice but the relationship is broken.
After an affair if the couple truly want the marriage to work it's in their best interest to seek counseling.
You're husband is trying to lay the blame of his selfishness on you....don't let him. If he wasn't happy he should have been a man and told you so before he cheated.
2006-10-26 04:46:09
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answer #6
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answered by daljack -a girl 7
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The truth is it is alway easier to blame someone else than to take blame yourself. Did he even try to talk to you about this lack of attention you were supposedly giving him prior to the affair? Of course not. Dont you feel guilty. Now unfortunately you have to decide if you can forgive him. You need to sit and talk. If that dont work try counseling. At least there they will get you guys talking and either able to make amends or you will decide to go your separate ways. My heart goes out to you.
2006-10-26 05:25:46
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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It could be you people do cheat because they feel like their spouse isnt giving them enough. I dont know your entire situation but on the other hand he isnt innocent he still cheated. For the most part people cheat because they are insecure about themselves or that they find someone they are attracted to and maybe are unhappy in their current relationship. I dont think that your one of those people out there that are pure evil towards their spouse. He needs some self help and only then will he ever be able to be in a faithful relationship.
2006-10-26 04:48:24
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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He is a coward and can't own up to his own mistakes, so it is easier to point the finger and blame others. Why don't you get out of that unhealthy relationship? I know it is easier said than done. But I hope you know and realize you deserve better than a lying cheating husband. Don't live the rest of your life settling for a life of lies. Good Luck to you.. Be strong and make the best decision for you.
2006-10-26 04:55:14
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answer #9
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answered by Shy 3
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He knows what he did was wrong.Sometimes it is easier to blame someone else for your problems, then taking ownership of them. Its not right. He should have talked to you about it, not jump in to bed with someone else and expect that the you will be OK with it. Depending on if you want to stay with him or not after this I would recommend going to a marriage counselor. They can help find what the reason problem is, and help him realize it wasn't your fault for him cheating. I went to a pre martial counselor before my husband and I got married. It helped us open up and communicate. I would not hesitate myself to go to one again. It is nice to have someone to talk to that can help you and your husband work through the issues that you may have! Whatever you do don't let him play head games on you. Be firm, but still relatively nice and let him know you didin't cheat he did so he needs to take responsibility for his actions! Good Luck!
2006-10-26 04:50:50
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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