I've been married a year to a wonderful man. He's happy but I feel like I'm not the typical wife. I don't enjoy cooking so it's rare when I make something - my husband is a pastry chef and has spent 15 years in kitchens so he is excellent at it. Also, we do work opposite schedules so it's only a few days a week that he's home for dinner at the same time I am. I also don't enjoy sex. I will do everything but intercourse. And I don't want kids - hubby is fine with it because it was discussed prior to marriage and said he will be happy whether we have them or not. How can I improve myself? I'm on birth control and feel this contributes greatly to my low sex drive. I just want to be there for him and make him happy...sincere suggestions please.
2006-10-26 04:37:07 · 11 answers · asked by Rachel 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
What great answers! Thanks everybody for such sincere, honest answers. These are wonderful and quite helpful :))
2006-10-26 06:04:14 · update #1
loving him and spending time with him is the key now matter when or were just as long as you guys can make a way to see each other. who cares if you don't cook and clean that is so mid 50's my wife has cook like 10 meals in are 6 yr of marriage.
and trust me sex is not everything !
2006-10-26 04:41:23 · answer #1 · answered by 32606 3 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's only been a year and marriage does take a lot of work from both parties. Don't feel so bad about the cooking thing, I can't cook at all, so he does most of the cooking. As far as your work schedules if you really aren't happy with it, then look for something else that would work for you. See if perhaps you could change your schedule or maby he could. It sounds like you need some quality time together. As for the sex, it could be the type of birth control you are using, you could talk to your doctor about it and perhaps get something else that would work better for you. Overall, talking to him about it could make you feel better. He is suppose to be your best friend, right? So be open and see if he could help you come up with some answers. Best wishes to you.
2006-10-26 11:54:07 · answer #2 · answered by ceci_garcia21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check with the Doctor... maybe your pill needs to be changed or change to a non hormonal method like an IUD. That might help the sex part. As far as intercourse... sometimes you just have to take it for the squad!!!
If cooking is something that he enjoys let him do it. You can excel in other ways in the home. The only problem i see in this is if you were cooking every night before you got married, then stopped cooking - i could see an issue. But if you never did... whatever.. Talk to him and see what he thinks - he may not have any problems and you might be stressing yourself out for no reason. if he has suggestions then you can talk about it.
2006-10-26 11:45:38 · answer #3 · answered by ice_princess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So true that oral contraceptives markedly lower the libido. If you are both so sure you don't want children, why not get one of you surgically sterilized so you don't have to worry about that. Then you can get off the pills.
Another thing that seems to work with our family is take a vacation together, just the two of you to some exotic locale. Will require some planning, but include lots of rest time so you won't actually be too tired. Another thing you may do together is watch racy movies, that sometimes gets things moving along.
Another thing that has helped us is just making time for conversation. Read the same book or article and discuss it.
Every relationship hits the doldrums from time to time. If you are both okay with what it has become, why try to fix it if it's not broken? If you feel as though it is becoming problematic, you will need to make the effort.
2006-10-26 11:43:53 · answer #4 · answered by finaldx 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you should be extremely thankful that you have a man that will put up with that. Especially one who will do w/o sexual intercouse. If he's ok with no kids, then there is no problem. If he does, then that's going to cause a problem in the future.
There is no recipe for a good wife. It doesn't have to be cooking, there are tons of other ways you can be a good wife. Just be kinds and caring and show him that you do care for him. It's the little things that make a difference.
2006-10-26 11:43:14 · answer #5 · answered by Mariko 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could have your tubes tied, that would eliminate the need for birth control, and since you know that you don't want kids, why not? I don't think the birth control is your problem with sex drive though. Usually low sex drive means that something deeper is happening in your marriage. You might want to try counseling first. Good Luck!
2006-10-26 11:42:46 · answer #6 · answered by Astro 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The birth control pills may be what your issues with your sex drive is all about. Is your husband happy? If he is happy then you must be doing something right. Try getting off the pills and using condoms. Me and my husband do that and it works just fine. Good luck to you.
2006-10-26 11:48:36 · answer #7 · answered by rosie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen sister, cooking is not a problem, thank GOD that he knows how to cook, that means he wouldn't care even you are not a good cook, he didn't marry you to cook for him! but, no no no, you BETTER fix the SEX part, I don't think that taking pills with low or slow down your sex life, cuz I have been on pills for 3 years now (Between U & Me;) ) I like having sex now; more than before... SEX is good, more SEX is better :) he should help you with solving your sex life, find out about your fantasy, you too, need to get closer to him, and try making changes of the way you have sex with him.. 1st you have to slove the sex part, then get worry about having baby.. Good Luck
2006-10-26 11:53:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes! I had the same prob. The low-dose pills really do kill the drive! I'd get off of them to start. And don't feel bad about not being a "50's style wife"--I don't like to cook either. It's your life and there is no mold you're supposed to be fitting into.
2006-10-26 11:41:06 · answer #9 · answered by Christabelle 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you won't do intercourse, why bother with the birth control. Have you considered the possibility that you are not heterosexual.
2006-10-26 11:41:24 · answer #10 · answered by DAN H 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋