This should not bother you if you love her. My bf and I were confronted about his daughter by her a few months ago... It is her choice not ours. Although I no longer change in front of her or anything like that. This does not mean I like her any less. It is brave of your daughter to tell you. She probably just wanted to hear you say somethig like..."That is your choice, it does not mean I love you any less, I love you the same."
You possible can mention to her that you feel uncomfortable about it that she just have respect for you as well and just if she could please not do anything in front of you. I would also mention to her that you would think it would be a good idea to have her lover over for supper one night. You know, just because this is not the preference of many does not mean you can notaccept this lover of your daughters as a friend. Show your daughter you are willing to accept it but, it will take you time to adjust. Good Luck !!! LL.
2006-10-26 04:43:05
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answer #1
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answered by italliansweety67 5
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I actually got annoyed reading this, and I agree with most of the answers here. She is your daughter, you should support her if you really care about her. Sexual preference shouldn't cause you to resent her. If you feel distraught, you should think of how she feels if you act this way...
Also, she is 21 years old. I'm sure she can make her own decisions as a proper adult. I understand that you care about her and that's why you're feeling a little under the weather over the news, but really. Calm down and accept her and love her because she's the same person as before.
2006-10-29 07:06:12
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answer #2
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answered by Gittele 1
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Well, the fact that your daughter is a lesbian doesn't make her any less your daughter. She told you because she wanted to confide in you and be honest with you. After getting over the shock (and I'm truly hoping that's what your response was all about-shock), you are going to have to deal with it. First of all, her friends should absolutely be allowed in your home. No different if she is a lesbian or if she is straight - what difference could that possibly make in you welcoming her friends. Second, you need to really educate yourself on the facts of when a person is gay. Your idea of what "made " your daughter gay is so inappropriate that I have to almost think it is a joke. Get some books and get yourself educated. Parents don't "make" their children gay --- but that's a whole another story, and you need to be making a true effort in educating yourself. 3rd. start talking to your daughter. You don't have to agree with her lifestyle, but she is your daughter and the more you understand what she is going through, the better off everyone will be. This is not going to be a phase she is going through, but a lifelong experience (not sure what the term should be here, but you get my idea). 4th --- this isn't about you. Why the "I feel so betrayed"? This isn't about you, this is about your DAUGHTER. She hasn't betrayed you and to feel that way is very inappropriate. She isn't to blame for anything and shouldn't feel bad about how she is feeling. Help your daughter through this time of coming out. Keep the lines of communication open. Get to know her friends and what their ideas and thoughts are like. You don't want this to ruin your relationship, so find positive ways to help you deal with it. Also, this goes for your wife - you are both going to have to find ways to positively deal with this and to build your bonds with your daughter.
2016-05-21 22:18:11
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answer #3
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answered by ? 4
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The fact that you're daughter had the courage to tell you about it should show you that it means alot to her. There may be different reasons for her telling you, she hates living the lie being 1 of many. The previous answers are mostly suggesting the same, take some time to come to terms with this very delicate news. My mother flipped and believed it was her fault. The important thing to realise is that it isn't anyones fault. We are what we are, individuals. If you truely love your daugther you have to learn to love everything and be unconditional. Don't worry about the age thing, if this is her 1st lesbian relationship, I doubt it will be the last. I'm not suggesting that your daugther will be sleeping around but if she is just learning to accept who she is, then you need to be able to help her through what is a difficult time for both of you. I wish you both well. Good luck
2006-10-26 05:27:20
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answer #4
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answered by Dakina 1
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This must be a shock for you and probablly very hard at first. But give yourself sometime to let it absord. You must be a good mom for her to feel she can come to you and tell you this. So take that in consideration. If anything she will probablly really need you right now and I think the best thing you can do is listen and be supportive, keeping in mind this life is her journey. You may not agree with her choices but they are her's to make, though that doens't mean you won't be overwhelmed with concern when you see her making choices you feel are bad. But there is nothing more to cause distance between mother and daughter then judgement and over involvement. As far as her being a lesbian, that is something that she chooses to behind a door, no more then who you are in your soul has to do with your sex life. It's just a small part of her life. I don't think you're distraught by her but by what you are invisioning when you think of lesbians, which is passing judgement. You don't want to pass judjement on your child. It will get easier as time passes. I do you feel have a right to feel very concerned with her dating someone so much her elder but again the most you can do is listen and be there for her. You may be surprise that she may ask you for advice once you stop offering it unsolicited. Good Luck to you both.....just remember she will face judgement from the world and she really shouldn't have it from her mom...you should be her soft place she always feels loved and accepted....unconditional love is such a gift we can offer our children....
2006-10-26 04:48:34
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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There are two and a half different reasons why your daughter has found she's a lesbian.
The first is genetic. Gay people are born gay and it is a de (or pro which ever way you want to look at it) fect in their make up... or rather yours/ your husbands make up.
The second is upbringing. If she has had poor upbringing where shes had to fear men or they've never been relyable (father walks out/ sexually abused/ brother abusive) then her subconscience is trying to protect her by cutting off all needs for men.
The half is when she's doing it out of spite/attention.
For first and second, she will only start to actually realise her feelings when she comes into puberty - 12ish.. so your daughter has been needing to confide in you since she became a teenager... 9 yrs?
If you have other gay family members, you should be blaming your genes. And realising that although YOU are scared she's 21, she's still growing up and learning and you are meant to be guiding her not worrying about how YOU are feeling.
If its the second reason, then you have not only wrecked her childhood, you are allowing her to wreck her adulthood as well. Do something about it.
The other worry is that she is finding affection in someone 9 yrs older than her. Does this not beg the question that she is trying to replace someone who ought to be there? Namely her mum?
2006-10-26 04:56:40
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answer #6
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answered by Wicked Top. 3
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You have a choice, be supportive or don't be.
If you aren't, chances are you'll most likely "lose" your daughter if she is set upon this path.
If you are supportive and love her just the same as always she will know that if it goes wrong, which in my humble opinion it most likely will do because of the huge age gap, then she will come to you for help. If you alienate her and are against her girlfriend from day one then she will never come to you about anything and is that what you really want?
Some kids never tell their parents for fear of their reaction which I think is really sad that they feel they have to live a lie. You should be grateful that she feels able to share this with you, even though it is obviously not what you had hoped for her.
It could just be a phase, it could not, either way, I think the best thing you can do is just be there for her and not show any misgivings you may have as that will just alienate her.
2006-10-26 04:45:29
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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Whether your daughter has come out to you, or if you found out unintentionally that she is lesbian, she still needs you now. Every child's worst fear is that by coming out to their parents will reject them. No matter what your beliefs, fears or prejudices, you need to let your child know that you love her.
Your child is the same person she was before coming out of the closet. Remember, someone's sexual orientation is just one part of who they are. Remember that this is still the same person since birth. Nothing about her has changed. You just have more knowledge about her life.
Take this opportunity to connect as you did before you knew she was gay. Maybe try to understand where she's coming from. Make sure you continue to do the things you did as a family.
Show an Interest in her life.
You may blame yourself for your child’s homosexuality. Don’t. It’s not your fault. It is not something that you could have influenced.
You may feel depressed and isolated, like you have no one you can talk to. Find yourself a supportive counselor if you need it.
Things will be different now then perhaps you hoped for you child. Most parents believe their children will grow up to be heterosexual, get married and have children. Letting go of that dream for your child can be hard. Remember though, that was your dream. Your child may still choose to spend their life with one partner and have children. Even though your child did not choose to be gay, they may make some life choices you do not agree with. Although this may be hard for you, remember, it's their life and they have the right to live it as their own.
I hope you get through this.
I've been in similar situations, except i'm not lesbian, i'm straight, but my mom does not approve if my relationship, and its probably one of the most hurtful things you could ever experience.
2006-10-26 04:51:40
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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Its okay really. You know I have had lesbian experiences and it was just for the fun. Believe it or not it is so normal now. But as a parent the last thing you need to do is turn away from your child. Think about it, How long has she been trying to tell you but was too afraid of what you would think, what YOU would think k. She is more than old enogh to make her own decisions and thats tuff for you but you shouldnt be mad. Those that judge will go to Hell anyway so dont worry about what other people think about her. Men these days really dont deserve women may she had some experiences with men. Or maybe because they act so stupid growing up that she wasnt attracted to them. The truth is is that no one can help what atrracts some people like red more than orange thats what attracts them, some people prefer snow skiing to water skiing. Thats just what they like and feel most comfortable around. Im sure if a D*ck attracted her she would be with one but obviously she has had mind made up for a while. Just be her parent you shouldnt judge your own child, You had her, YOU raised her what, do you think its your fault? Because its not. You couldnt help help it as much as you she could so dont worry things will work out.
2006-10-26 04:46:31
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answer #9
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answered by raylenejade 2
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I had to research something like this once. When you delve into the reasons of why parents find this so difficult, it's often because it's a breach of expectation. Parents have kids to pass on the genes, it's all very natural. They hope or expect someday to be sitting round the table with their grandchildren.
Homosexuality kills the hope of that, and some take it as a 'small' death. That's one branch of the family probably going no further.
It's even more difficult if it's the only child.
I think you simply have to learn to live with it. It may not be natural as it rules out propogation, but it is a reality.
2006-10-26 04:49:36
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answer #10
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answered by Barbara Doll to you 7
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so your daughter is a lesbian that is her choice and if any parent does not want to know a child all because they are gay then i find that sad, Your daughter is alive and i think that more important then hearing she is a lesbian, that does not mean she can not get married or not have kids as she can, she was born gay it not a choice in a way that came over night. If you as a parent can not except her life then sorry she best of out of ur life, she can not live her life how you want her to live it just to make Urself happy. talk to her about it, and also it may sound daft but also go out with her too to gay clubs and pubs then you realise that they just loveing people like us normal straight people, but to be honest she just got the worst back lash from someone who she thought loved her and could trust. I know it can be a shock but at end of the day you not going to change her.
2006-10-26 04:46:09
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answer #11
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answered by spin 2
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