My hubby wants the house spotless,all the time, and I do everything for the kids, work part time, and I try to look good for him too, but it's not enough to make him happy. How can I keep the house clean when everyone in this house is so messy.I have to go do 10 loads of laundry right now, just drank a bunch of coffee, but I am so slow, and messing around on the computer. He wants the house clean at all times, it's hard with 2 missy kids.and no help from anyone. I spend most of my time cleaning for him, and I just can't keep up, I was thinking about maybe getting up at 4am to have more hours in the day?
2006-10-26 04:29:18 · 14 answers · asked by kiss me under the mistletoe 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I think you're trying too hard. I went through this before! And to an extent I still do.
I think you are overworked and your husband expects too much from you. Nobody can have a spotless house!
It sounds like you are really, really trying to do it all, and it just can't be done. You do not suck. Most people don't put in half as much effort. And if you are like me, you probably don't think you're good at anything, and you need someone to tell you you are good to believe it.
(in other words, low self esteem, and a high need to please people)
Please stop trying to clean all the time. It is so draining, you are going to burn out.
Try to get some counseling and even consider going to couples therapy.
Are you sure he is unhappy?
Because sometimes we project our feelings onto other people.
If he is, you need to find out the real reason, it probably has nothing to do with you. After all, you try really hard. Any reasonable person could see this.
Under no circumstances should you get up at 4 am! I tried it and it just pushed me right over the edge into intensive therapy. (not fun) I was such a train wreck I couldnt' function or cope in any way, so don't try to sacrifice on your sleep.
The most important thing is to have a heart to heart discussion with your husband to see what is really wrong. Tell him how much you are trying and tell him how hurt you are that he doesn't seem to appreciate it. That is the place to start.
Hang in there, my thoughts are with you.
2006-10-26 04:44:45 · answer #1 · answered by kristin c 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I thought a marriage was a relationship between equals. That means if he wants the house spotless then he needs to be sharing in the work. Or maybe he should hire you a maid to help out for a few hours a day. As for the kids being messy, the key is to teach them to cleanup after themselves. They also should have assigned tasks to help with the house work.
2006-10-26 11:33:19 · answer #2 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't be super mom.Nobody's perfect.I knew a "super mom",once and I felt inferior in comparison.Her house was always immaculate.After I got to know her I found out she had a nanny and a cleaning lady!I knew another lady who did it all and ended up losing her husband because she didn't have any time left for him.
First off are your kids old enough to do chores?If they are make them help you clean the house.If not start teaching them to clean up after themselves.You can do this as early as two years old.I have four kids and I've taught them to clean up after themselves.
Tell your husband that if he wants a clean house he is gonna have to pick up after himself.He is a big boy after all.
As for getting up at 4 in the morning,that is something I tried myself and after about two weeks of this I was exhausted and didn't have enough energy to clean anyways.Make sure you get enough sleep-you cannot take care of your family if you don't take care of yourself.
If you are working your husband should be helping around the house too.Good luck trying to covince him of this!
2006-10-26 11:48:46 · answer #3 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you need to tell him that if he wants the house clean then he needs to do his part in picking up after himself. He needs to understand that you are working too and also that 2 kids are a full time job in themselves and that he needs to step up and help you out, and if he doesn't then, tell him that the house won't be "spotless" Good luck to you. You don't SUCK. BTW, how old are your kids? Can they clean up after themselves. You are only one person. Remember that.
2006-10-26 11:41:22 · answer #4 · answered by rosie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband dont need a wife, he need a maid......Why not he spare little time helping you in the house....My mom is also a "supermom".....It's a matter of giving schedule for every particular task...Train your kids too not to mess to much....like putting their candy wrappers immediately in the garbage bag , or upon arriving from school , put their shoes on shoe rack...little things they can do, would a bit lighten your work load. Besides be happy of what you are doing. so burdome won't attack you...
2006-10-26 11:46:54 · answer #5 · answered by jane u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are stressing yourself out...It's impossible to do everything! If you keep at it like this you will end up resenting your husband for being so demanding, and your kids for being so messy!! Everyone needs to do something to help clean the house, you cannot do it alone!!
2006-10-26 11:38:19 · answer #6 · answered by Purrk3y 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u cant do everything by urself tell ur husband that he needs to put in his part to help u to. tell him that u just didnt have the kids by urself and being a house mom is hard work tell him that u work hard to at home with the kids. if ur husband says that he had a hard day a work, u tell him that his real job begins when he gets home... if that doesnt work then leave him..
2006-10-26 11:37:46 · answer #7 · answered by mustangsweetthing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off you sound like a noble wife and mother. But, you must always remember you are a woman with needs and wants too. A person shouldn't self sacrifice all their efforts , especially in a marriage. That takes communication, and mutual efforts.
2006-10-26 11:43:51 · answer #8 · answered by ~Jessica~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you sound like you are like me doing it all talk to him and have him help it is not your sole resp to take care of evertything. Before my hu andi split he was like that now i have my own place with the kids work two jobs and still manage but at least i am happy and hell if i dont feel like doing the dinner dishes i dont have to or if i feel like looking rough i can you need to take a slow down or you will wear yourself out wich wont be good fro thekids good luck
2006-10-26 11:38:35 · answer #9 · answered by vomissie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are the kids? Can they look after themselves? Can they help you? Can your husband share some load?Think what further mechanization you can do? These are some of the options you have to explore to reduce your workload.
2006-10-26 11:36:36 · answer #10 · answered by openpsychy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋