I really didn't get to the whole story yesterday. My husband has being working out of town for about three years. He does come home though. Alot of things are missed though. This job is his dream, and I hate to destroy that. I am tried of living like this though, but I love him. Our marriage has been rocky. Everyone has problems, like finances and children. Well I have no one to turn to so I am here alone taking care of the kids, and trying to keep what we have together. I tend to get mad and blow up instead of talking though things. Then I say things to my husband I don't mean. I guess he got tired of me complaining and blowing out of portion, so he stop answering my calls. When he finally did call I was nice, and controlled my temper. This is when he told me he didn't know what he wanted anymore. He is willing to try though. He wants me to change, and I am trying. It has been two months some days are good and some bad. I just don't know what to do anymore.
2006-10-26 03:38:39 · 13 answers · asked by jfgrnbry 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't do it alone. You're both in the marriage so you both need to work it out. He has to commit to putting things back on track, and not simply tell you to "change."
His "dream job" seems to come before his marriage and his family. Has he considered the impact of this job on his children and his relationship with them? Is there a way for all of you to move closer to his job? Is there any room for compromise?
Of course you blow up. You're frustrated, over-burdened and you miss your husband. He may be so into his dream job that your conversations bring him back to reality, and he's not ready to deal with it. When you say he's willing to try, exactly what is it that he's willing to do? Other than suggesting that you change, what other ideas or solutions has he come up with?
I would suggest that you both find the time to talk about what your concerns are. Maybe you should both make lists about things you want to change. For example, one of your concerns is having to do so much on your own. So in one column you list that concern, then to the right of it you explain why it's a concern (Because I feel overwhelmed and unsupported). You should both do this, then share your lists. It will give both time to consider how the other feels. Then you both should come up with possible solutions for your respective issues, and share that list. Set aside some time where you both commit to sharing your ideas. Try and do it when you can get a sitter or when you won't be distracted. Begin with the idea that you love each other and are working to save the marriage. See if you can find some common ground.
The idea is to find a way to CALMLY and REASONABLY meet in the middle and at least be mutually committed to solving your problems. It will require that both of you really listen to the other one. If there's any way you can go to a marriage counselor, I'd recommend it.
Understand where you both are is just the very beginning, but it's a huge step. It will make finding solutions or determining the next step, easier for both of you.
Best of luck to you in these very trying times.
2006-10-26 03:56:04 · answer #1 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since he's out of town alot and you say that you really love him, try not to vent and blow up at him while he is on the road doing his job. A traveling job is stressful on both people, but the last thing he needs when he calls home is to get bitched at...there's nothing he can do about the situation while he's working. Try waiting until he gets home. Have a nice evening together the first night he comes home then after he has a chance to relax and unwind tell him all the other stuff without blowing it out of proportion. There are alot of single moms who would love to be in your shoes and have someone work and pay the bills so they could stay home to raise their children.You have a big job and I'm sure you get lonely and frustrated, but try to make some friends in your neighborhood so you can have some company and someone to vent to while he's gone. If you truly love each other you can work through this. You owe it a try.
2006-10-26 03:47:09 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you say you have no one to turn to why don't you consider moving... He has the job for 3 years already. If he's constantly travelling than maybe you should move to where you have family or friends... that way he still can go do his work and you aren't alone. You know the problems you have you just have to take the first step (and involve your husband in the decision) and plunge into it. Just imagine what love you would give up if you end it without trying to resolve it sensibly. It might be more difficult to start over than working on what you have now.
This might sound lame but look into the Super Nanny Jo Frost... She's helped couples with weird time tables and unique situations.
Best of Luck!
2006-10-26 03:57:38 · answer #3 · answered by Gigi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a difficult situation. You must follow your heart and your gut on this and make the best decision possible for everyone involved. If you can, hang in there. At least he's not home everyday and smothering you. At least he works hard. Can you make friends in your neighborhood? Would be nice to find an activity you can go to with your kids and meet other moms? Good luck!
2006-10-26 03:43:08 · answer #4 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're serious about working things out, then try counseling. Marriage is difficult when two people are together all of the time, and even more difficult when there is distance between you, and little time spent together. Sounds like your husband doesn't know if he wants to continue the marriage; you both need to make some decisions.
2006-10-26 03:47:37 · answer #5 · answered by grandm 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell him to go to hell and divorce him. Take the his money and find yourself a new man.
He is probably cheating on you. If he has worked for 3 years somewhere else he should have moved you and the kids there with him.
As a father and husband I can say he is already separeted from you. He is living the single life without you and you don't even know it.
2006-10-26 03:47:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have you tried some kind of marriage counceling? I would either try going to a priest, or a councelor if you really wanna save what you have left. Also, a good movie for him to watch would be the movie Click! It may apply to your situation and be a big eye opener for him. Beg him to watch it.
2006-10-26 03:42:20 · answer #7 · answered by Laura W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try having counselling together. Also is there any possibility he could reduce his time spent away from the family? Keep yourself busy while he is away and when he's at home, make every minute special so he enjoys being there.
2006-10-26 03:41:58 · answer #8 · answered by dan 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Whatever you do... make sure you take plenty of time to consider the effects your decision will have on your life. Especially the possible effects it will have on your children. Good luck, I wish you the best!
2006-10-26 03:40:39 · answer #9 · answered by Steven S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he always work at the same place? If so, and it's his dream job, maybe you could consider moving.
2006-10-26 03:41:22 · answer #10 · answered by zil28ennov 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋