Please help me!!!?

Question

I have a problem that i can't solve it by myself. I don't want to share my prob with people that know me...so, i take my time to publish my question here. I am orphan...I lost my parent and my two younger sisters in accident five months ago...It's really2 worst thing that happens in my life ever..I couldn't accept the truth. I always see my died family everywhere i go. I cry, when they're suddenly dissappear. i feel very loneliness living in my house. no one but my sister. I know my sister is very depressed because she need to afford our living. She quit from her study just b'coz we do not have enough money. Now, she depends on me to focus in study. But, i do not have any interest anymore in study b'coz of the trauma. I am the best student in my school, but now I am included in the weak students in my school. Help me...

Answer 1

Clearly my situation was never as dire as yours, which is a crushing one indeed. I was in the process of splitting up with my abusive ex at the end of my second year at uni. I got councelling down the track, but at the time I was frazzled, financially drained and my car got stolen. My grades suffered terribly and I know I could've handled it better. I think you'll find that schools/universities are understanding in the face of these things and would probably grant you extensions and point you in the direction of good councellors to help you through your crisis. Do talk to the people who know you - I believe they'll understand and will be willing to help.

Answer 2

I am deeply sorry for your loss!
You must know in your heart and believe that your family is in a better place now and is all we can do as living breathing human beings is work and or school you must STUDY!
Keep your mind on what you and your sister need in life but never forget your family.
Soon you and your sister will be together with your family but that time is not now.
Think as if your family has gone on vacation they are relaxed and at peace happily living in heaven I believe your family would want you and your sister to take care of each other so you must keep to your studies no matter what.
It is hard you can do it your parents are watching you and keeping you both safe so don't worry
Again i'm so sorry this happened to you. When it is your time you will be with your family again keep focesed on what you must do now only time will heal the pain until then keep busy and keep your sister safe, healthy and both of you will be happy in a different way
God be with you in your time of need
Take care
and KEEP STUDING!!!

Answer 3

Friend In this situation I don't have any words to say or any suggestions to give but still I'll try.
I think that you should start taking interest in your studies as your sister had to quit from her studies and study hard and do some miracles in your life and do support your sister in every Field.

Answer 4

best thing to do now is talk about it u are handling like anyone would in fact i would have droped out dont do that tough also it might be time to talk to her and if u feel u cant go to a best frined or an adult if u still got problems so the school concoel they work for those reasons

Answer 5

Honey that is a very sad story... you might look into some counceling. ... i am sorry i dont have more words of wisdom for you.. you know you really need to find someone that will help you.. good luck sweetie...

Answer 6

Hi there,

I had just wanted to say how courageous you are in sharing your story that could not have been easy to write to those who don't know you. Well done!!

The pain and trauma you are suffering must be enormous and the fact that you are trying to hold things together shows your strength and courage in a situation that is fraught with so much pain, is evident to read. Loss is perhaps one of the hardest emotions to overcome and takes time to heal from.

Not knowing your parents has got to be very distressing to you and even as an adult, that loss takes time to recover and put into a place where you can at least begin to deal with it. Your brave face to the world around you, is masking a great deal of emotional pain and wounds that if your friends were to know, would perhaps make them want to do all they can to help you unwravel things you don't want them to see or know.

Being fearful of their reaction can be very difficult and perhaps you fear that they will look differently upon you?. I am positive that no one would be any different towards you if they knew what you were going through and in fact, would be supportive of you if they are any kind of friends.

You cannot move on from loss and greif without help and some counselling involved and I know what you are going through because I too have gone through loss and greif and not knowing my parents. It can feel as if your whole world has no meaning and very understandably when the foundations of your roots have never had a foundation for you. I really feel your suffering and wish that there was an easy way out, but that way out is through the difficult emotions you don't want to have to put yourself through and because they are so crippling to confront.

But seeing your doctor and getting some therapy for you and your sister, would be the best thing you could do right now and to start allowing yourselves to express your greif that is consuming you both. Going together or alone, is to do what feels best for either of you, but that you both have support in your lives when you are both struggling to keep the facade to the rest of the world, firmly glued together. It is beginning to fall off and now, it is important to try and let some of your most trusted friends see the real stuff going on inside because they cannot help if you keep them at arms length. Let some of the wall down that you use to protect and hide your pain because you will be pleasantly suprised at just how many people respond positively when people are going through personal trauma.

If your studies are being affected which they are, then speak to your tutors to see how flexible they can be because they value their students and will do what they can within their powers to keep them and if you need time out, then take some because you cannot perform at your best if you have this painful stuff going around inside and if left ignored, will just keep returning and you will eventually struggle more than you are already.

I know that this isn't fair and that you shouldn't have your education affected because of your past, but without confronting the past, the future and your education will be affected. It shouldn't be this way and I too have had to drop out of university before to deal with my pain and then gone back to it. It felt like I had been robbed of my childhood now my future, but in reality, I wanted to give to my past what I could give to my future and this is the way forward with your pain now because you deserve to be free of this suffering that is demanding of you to deal with it.

No one wants to have to face pain, but finding ways of shutting it out just brings it back time and time again and this is not going to help you deal with the loss. You need time to heal, the permission from yourself and to finally seek some counselling that will help you deal with this situation in a constructive and beneficial way. You won't feel like this forever and I know it feels that you will, but I promise you that you won't because you will eventually be forced to deal with it when you can no longer carry that pain around with you and why should you? - it is those who abandoned you who are responsible and left you to deal with what you are now.

This is why I agree with abortion (for those who continually bang on about adoption and other methods) because it is the unknown pain and suffering left behind that is not realized. I totally feel honoured to have read your story and hope to have given an intelligent response and one that I am experienced in giving. I qualified as a psychology student too and so what is possible for me, is possible for everyone who has gone through this type of suffering.

First, you need to heal and to not allow this pain to come into your life and do what it is doing to you and your sister. Welcome the pain that surfaces and write about what that pain feels like, what it does and even try and paint a picture of it. Talk through with an experienced counsellor and be committed to wanting this suffering understood so that you can then find alternative ways of dealing with it. It is in the dealing with it that we let the pain go. It needs expression, and to be let out.

This is why people compulsively eat, self-abuse by harming themselves, feel depressed - it is because of anger and pain that is trying to come to the surface but we want to push it back down again. Letting it go safetly is the right way as well as sharing and talking about it. Read Liz Adamson on releasing anger and pain because I can tell you, if you haven't felt it already, there will be a great deal of anger as well as pain underlying the surface of your mask and that is good, because it is finally trying to find a way out .

You will get through this and wish you so much luck.