all we do is argue, its like when we talk on the phone we are ok, but when we see each other we are ok for a few minutes then its like we can stand to look at each other, everything bothers us and it sucks. but we have a 2 year old that i wont ever leave behind and he is very attached to his mom. what to do what to do.
2006-10-26 03:26:57 · 29 answers · asked by justincase119 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i think you should separate. But it sounds like your gonna have one heck of a custody battle
2006-10-26 03:31:53 · answer #1 · answered by sunflower0139 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
PLEASE READ THIS: MI have a friend that is now married and has been for less than a year. Him and his wife are having major problems and are in the process of a divorce. Even before they were married there were problems. He only married here because of how he felt about their daughter that is now 4. I'm not saying that is your case. Just as I told him, what good is it going to do your child to be in an unstable home. No matter how much your son loves his mother ,you love your son and vice versa at the end of the day what you son sees is not healthy. If y'all are always fighting he will grow up thinking that is what relationships are all about and do the same thing. You deserve to be happy!! If you are not happy please get out of the relationship. How can you love your son the way you should in an unstable home? Just because you and the mother split, does not mean he will no longer see both of y'all. I think that showing him a secure loving foundation is better that staying in an unpleasant situation. You and his mother will have to work out something as far as visitation and who your son will live with. It may seem hard in the beginning but the happiness of you and your son is a stake, which is more important?
2006-10-26 03:49:46 · answer #2 · answered by KS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the whole story here? Did the two of you like each other when you made your son? Has this relationship always had problems? Are You proposing to take your son with you? Are the two of you married? It is hard to give a good answer with so few details. Anyway, the two of you need to think more of your son who is learning about relationships from the two of you and it will determine his frienships as well as his personal relationships.
My personal experience has been that when two people are behaving as you two are, there is still some very personal feelings. Even if you say that when you see each other you argue. Sometimes arguing is a way of not having to deal with the real feelings. If you can create feelings of anger then you will not have to deal with the actual love you feel because of the potential pain it could bring. Anger also keeps you from having to forgive the other person for something you either know or believe they did. Sometimes people react based on what they think they know and not first hand knowledge. So it is easier to hang on to negative feelings and exhibit negative behavior than to deal with what ever is bothering you in a positive manner and get on with your life. Ask yourselves, is this relationship salvagable? Do we want to salvage it and go on from there. Is it possible that the two of you do not want the other person to EVER be happy?
It is very hard to fool a child and even easier to build resentment in them. I suggest that, for the sake of the child, learn to be tolerable of each other. Try building a relationship that will allow the child to have a posoitive relationship with the both of you. Decide, if you are not going to stay, how you want to handle the relationship and stick to that. If you have to, sign an agreement, of conduct rules (for the sake of the child) that says that if either of you are ever in default, then you will forfeit your rights as a parent and relinquish them to the more positive person (I bet this will keep the two of you in line).
Your son did not ask the two of you to get together and make him. Now that you did, the both of you owe him the best you can possibly give him so that as he grows and matures into a responsible adult, make the right decisions and not have them impacted by negative attitudes and/or behaviour. He's looking to the two of you for guidance. Don't put him on a demolition course doomed for failure.
Best Regards
2006-10-26 04:03:57 · answer #3 · answered by AC 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to 'leave' him par se. You might be making it worse for him by arguing with his mom in his presence. Be there for him. Visit him, have him sleep over every now and then. Mom might not be open to the idea at first, but she'll eventually come to appreciate it. Trust me. Leaving doesn't mean you don't love him.
My son is now 5 (almost 6), and his father and I have lived apart for about 4 years. He is REALLY close to his dad. He goes by every weekend, and whenever else he wants. Billy (his dad) and I do NOT argue in front of him. If we have issues, we talk on the phone or something. It was really tough at first - with all the resentment, anger, and emotions flying around, but over the years, we've come to respect and possibly even care for each other (in a strictly platonic-we-have-a-kid-together-so-we-have-to-do-this kinda way).
Have a talk with his mom. It might be hard, but let her know you're doing it for both of them. I'm thinking you love her and have just tired of all the drama. (you didn't state otherwise). It'll be fine. It'll be tough on all of you, but with patience, tolerance, consideration (that's big), and time... you guys should get where you want to be... Good luck.
2006-10-26 03:36:41 · answer #4 · answered by monie0078 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The main thing you need to ask yourselve is: do you still love her?
if the answer is yes then you will have to work to make the relationship work again. Both of you have fallen into a rut that you can't get out of. Remember when you first started going out ,all of the nice things you did, you have to return to doing those thing again. Make her fall in love w/you again. Show he rthat you still love her. If it means shuting your mouth and keeping it shut to avoid more problems than do it!! In time everything will become better but you must keep working at it . No one said maintaining a relationship was easy, it takes a lot of work. Now if you do not love her anymore than you must decide what to do, I belive in fighting to the end!!!! Remember this is somthing that your son will notice and hopefully will learn from you. Love her with all your strength, you will soon see the fruit of your labor. Take care!!!
2006-10-26 03:44:28 · answer #5 · answered by St. Mike 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LISTEN:::: If you love your son then you do WHAT IS BEST FOR HIM. It's not good for him to be in the middle of all this. It was not his choice to be born or brought into this world. He deserves all the love hope and care in the world. He is help less and needs and depends on you and his mom. A child needs both of you. There is joint custody and it can and does work if you both agree to it and you love and have the best interest of your son in mind. He is number 1 in your life and should always be. You made a commitment when you decided to have sex believe it or not. You play you pay. You need counseling for the welfare of your son and the sanity for your self it does good if you find the right one and that's the important part finding the right one for you. Do it alone if the mother doesn't want to but it will be good for you and help. Anything can and will work depending on how bad you want it to remember its for your son who came from both of you. It's not a matter of who gets him its a matter of how much do you both love him and want the best for him. I hope you do the BEST thing for your SON good luck and god bless. Been there done that.
2006-10-26 03:45:15 · answer #6 · answered by mgrudzinski523 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't stick around and make a bad situation worse. Children can sense tension and it is not a good thing, in fact it can be considered child abuse if the two of you argue in front of the child. Right now the child is two and babies that young want mommy especially if she is breast feeding, trust me he'll grow out of it. My son is 7 now and into sports and sh*t, he loves his dad and the only hing he needs me for is to wash his clothes, cook and clean up his freaking room. His dad is the love of his life and he only sees him two weekend a month sometimes less because we live in different states.
Tell her you gotta go she probably wants your azz to go too , just doesn't want to say it. Leave you'll both be happier and your baby will sense that too.
2006-10-26 03:42:50 · answer #7 · answered by Jazz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try counseling. It takes two to argue - you both need to realize that changes need to be made with the way you communicate. Life after kids (even just 1 kid) can be stressful. Finding ways to deal with that stress can bring you both closer and bring a new appreciation for one another to the table. You will both be better, happier, and stronger for trying to work through this rather than bailing out during a tough period.
2006-10-26 03:31:23 · answer #8 · answered by greyrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would consider counseling! And what makes you think you would get your son? Which state do you live in.. cause guess what Lots of states are all for the mom! So what makes you think instead of missing his mom he would be missing his dad? try to work things out... you married her for a reason.. or you fell in love with her for a reason... figure out what has changed.
Tee
2006-10-26 03:30:41 · answer #9 · answered by sexymama2420052000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO doubt your 2 yr old can feel the tension between you and your wife, in the long run you both would be better parents if you just face the truth that its not working and move on and be the best parent to your son that you can be...
2006-10-26 03:29:55 · answer #10 · answered by winterland33 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What makes you think that you would automatically get custody? Usually they give custody to the Mom unless she doesnt want it. Tough situation, maybe you can move out but stay very close....like next door or a block away. Somewhere he can walk to when he gets old enough.
2006-10-26 03:29:21 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋