Do people think those in the "golden olden" days who were all married and all stayed together for years?

Question

> Never cheated
> Never were alcoholics
> Never were abusive

What do people think about the couples who stayed together for decades but cheated, did bad things, abused the kids,
Does that put a damper on their long marriage?

Are people unrealistic about what marriage used to be and what marriage is now,
Is this the reason for the high divorce rate?

Answer 1

the reason for high divorce rate is lack of commitment and getting married to soon,instead of really knowing someone people fall in lust instead of in love,and when the lust wears off they get a divorce,also people aren't willing to put work into a marriage when things get tough they just give up and I'm not talking about abusive relationships of coarse you need to protect yourself and get out

Answer 2

I'm sure those things happened in some marriages, but also there was a level of commitment back then that I don't think people are willing to give these days. Something goes wrong in the marriage and everybody immediately talks divorce. Back then people meant it when thay said "I do" and until death do we part. I think it's sad for familys and kids that the divorce rate is so high. People should take more time to get to know each other before they say their vows.If they put as much time into the relationship as they did planning the wedding, more couples would stay together.

Answer 3

I don't know for sure but I think that today people look at marriage just as they do the rest of things that they purchase and so therefore it is disposable. Certainly some people who have been together for years have gone through rough times, ie: alcoholism, possible abuse of spouse and/or children etc. But the fact is that they together vows serious a couple of decades ago. My fiance and I are both middle aged and we hope to be one of those old couples who are seen holding hands and doing everything together when we are in our golden years. It's sad that so many marriages do end in divorce today and maybe all couples should receive some form of education on marriage and/or counselling prior to walking down the aisle. That way they may know for sure that this is the person with whom they want to end their days with.

In addition those couples that have been together for 50 or so years didn't have the financial resources that today's young married couples do, and saved money when they wanted to purchase something rather than charging it to a credit card. So they have learned many things together and lived through good and bad times together.

I learned many years ago that the 4 most important things in any relationship are:
1. - Communication
2. - Money
3 - Sex
4 - Comunication
The fact that communication is on there twice is because of the importance. If couples cannot communciate then they will certainly not last. Lots of people believe that sex is the number 1 reason people argue but in fact it is not that big of a reason people argue.

Answer 4

The "golden age" wasn't all that golden. Its not like our generation invented abuse, cheating, and alcohol/substance abuse. Its always existed. I don't think the divorce rate is high now because we have unrealistic expectations of marriage. I think there's always been an unrealistic expectation of marriage... since the beginning of time. Its romanticized and turned into some fairytale that rarely lasts much longer than the honeymoon.

Back then, once married, your married... that was it...divorce was socially unacceptable, difficult to get, and brought alot of shame to the family. The same problems existed, they were just better at hiding them, and were taught not to discuss their private family issues in public. The law didn't get involved in matters of abuse, and much of it was considered acceptable. These days,....with the role of women having changed so much since then, and both child and spousal abuse becoming such a social and political issue, we no longer have to live that way, and many choose not to. I can't see that as a bad thing.

But I do see that too many people are too quick to rush to divorce, for minor issues or just out of boredom in the marriage. I don't agree with that either, but right or wrong,... we should all have the freedom to live how we choose and to change our lives if we wish.

And I don't mean to sound as though all marital problems were the fault of men... cause I'm sure many weren't. But the laws and social structure of the times were in favor of the men,... property laws, money, ect... regardless of fault.

Answer 5

People are unrealistic, period. When reality sets in, they get disillusioned and blame the people around them -- and marriage is no different. The reason people stayed married despite abuse, alcoholism and such in the "golden olden days" was because divorce was the absolute worst thing that could happen and it was better to stay married. They also dated a lot longer, stayed engaged a lot longer, and figured out whether this was the one person they wanted to stay with forever. Now days, people get married after dating for a couple months, there is no stigma about divorce, and the minute they feel unhappy with their situation ... they call a lawyer. As far as damaging the kids ... it's far worse to use the children as pawns in the parents little power-trip/head-games whether they are still married or divorced. Children have feelings too and parents tend to forget that.

Answer 6

High Divorce rate - Divorce is easyer now than then and there in no stigma atached to it either - Women are independant so if the Marriage is a sham it's easy to get out.

The 'Golden olden days' things were different values were different too.
Abusive, adultious behaviour was a negative part of inderviduals characters - sometime these show because the relationship is failing and there was no way out.
Abusive to kids is wrong what ever the reason, circumstances or day of the week.

back then people valued people more, relationships are as throw away as the KFC.

Answer 7

I think we're just more unrealistic and less willing to work for a marriage now. Divorce has become prevalent in our society because it's an easy fix.

My divorce was the first ever in my family. My grandparents were married well over 60 years before my grandfather passed. My parents have been married 40 years. I have aunts and uncles that have been married 30, 33 and 41 years. Cousins married for 15, 18 and 10 years. All of them have experienced bad times but they worked to keep the marriage alive. I do not and did not take my marriage lightly but there were reasons (life threatening) for me to get a divorce. I'm now happily remarried and work to maintain and improve it everyday. Most can't be bothered to do that.

Answer 8

I believe all those things did happen, just as know.. Only women are a little more self efficeint in this day and age. So the women do not have to put up with the BS.. Not to metnion, that the children that came out of the marriages, are the ones that were telling the young children that this sort of behavior is not ok and if you are not happy and being treated with respect then why stay, We are here to perfect for god, not anyone else, not a man or a woman..

Answer 9

If your husband is cheating, an alcoholic or abusive, then you should get counseling. But considering this is the 4th time you've posted something concerning infidelity, I'm guessing you're still trying to justify. And to be clear with you, the people in the 'golden olden' days, probably did not cheat, because marriage was considered sacred and most of them were religious and followed the word of God concerning marriage. Get off your soap box and call a counselor. If you're unhappy, call a lawyer.

Answer 10

There are so many factors. For one, a lot of people seem to take marriage lightly. Then when things start to go wrong, they just want out. They don't want to work. So they divorce. There should be some happy medium out there between suffering together like in the old days and giving up and running like people do now.

Answer 11

I think so. All my grandparents were alcholics or had some large burden to carry, especially during the Great Depression. I guess when we look back in time we tend to remember the good years better than the bad. Yes, I do think today, couples can be unrealistic, the problem is that they don't work out the problems, they just divorce each other.