Am I a cold hearted *****?Is he a selfish sexist man?
2006-10-26 02:48:07 · 43 answers · asked by Amy Lee J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If he doesn't put your rights and life ahead of an embryo, it's good riddance to him!
2006-10-29 02:08:49 · answer #1 · answered by American Spirit 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm not here to judge abortion in general. Some think it is wrong, some think it is not. Others don't care. But, the clinic should have asked for his consent as any good clinic might. Also if you trusted him, you should have told him. It's not about being cold hearted, or him being a selfish man. I really doubt that is the case but you ultimately might have done something you will regret for the rest of your life. And you will have to live with it.
He might also be confused and hurt. He must be thinking why you couldn't trust in him to tell him. Give him time and he may come around if that is what you wish. It was his child too right? It's your body regardless but it was his baby as much as yours. It doesn't give any of you more right but equal rights. You took that from him the moment you had an abortion without consent.
2006-10-26 02:56:03 · answer #2 · answered by The Aviator 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
NEITHER.
It's a very unfortunate situation but if you were 100% sure that you weren't going to want to go ahead with the pregnancy, then that was your right. It's your body and you'd be the one looking after it if you broke up in the future. It would have been nice if you had someone to support you, but if you didn't want to tell him then you didn't have to. If you were afraid he would tell you not to have the abortion then I don't blame you, cuz you wouldn't have had the baby anyway... why complicate matters? I understand why you may have decided not to tell him.
At the end of the day, when it comes to pregnancy men don't always get a vote- it's just the way it is. Some men dump their girlfriend for NOT having an abortion. Some men have kids and then walk away from them. At the end of the day it's the WOMAN giving birth, feeding it and (in most cases) raising it. So you have to make the decision thats right for YOU, not him. In an ideal world, that would always be the same thing but sometimes it's just not.
2006-10-26 03:11:31 · answer #3 · answered by - 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Firstly, I just want to say, just how difficult a decision that must have been for you and how courageous you had been to do what was the right decision for you. Being a parent takes a great deal of stength and if you were not ready, then that you were not ready and I would much rather a woman has an abortion than have parenthood snuck upon her and not be able to give to the child the best kind of love and care that some parents do not give to their children because they were not ready to be a parent.
That must have been a very difficult decision for you and didn't do without a great deal of contemplation first. As for not asking for your boyfriend's consent, it is your body, your life and your decision. Ideally, I am sure that you would have wanted to discuss with him about your decision, but something had not warranted that. A partner who has your best interests at heart would support you regardless of your decision and would know that you had to do what was the best thing for you.
If there had been such closeness with your guy, then it is doubtful he would have walked away anyway but given that he did, says a great deal about how he thought not only about the abortion, but about you and his relationship with you. A man loves a woman enough to stay with her and support her regardless of a termination and as unplanned as the pregnancy perhaps was, did he use contraception himself if he hadn't wanted to have created a feotus?. It does work both ways. If he had have wanted the unborn child, he would have stuck with you, if he didn't, would have again, stuck with you because his commitmment to you is the primary thing here.
Perhaps you are now glad to have made the right decision for yourself?. Something had decided for you to not seek his approval or support and communicate your reasons as to why you were not ready for parenthood and perhaps because you already subconsciously knew that he would have abandoned you because you were not ready nor prepared to bring a child into this world to give it the best love and care?. Either way, a loving partner who is sincere, would not abandon you in this way - sexist or not.
2006-10-26 03:22:49 · answer #4 · answered by Shikira-trudi 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I can understand that you may not have wanted this baby but you should have talked this through with your bf... after all you were meant to be in a relationship with this guy and there is the small matter that he was the baby's father.
At the end of the day, its you body and if you didn't want to go through with the pregnancy - that's your decision. People can stand on their soap box and preach at you but they aren't the ones who you will need to live with at the end of the day. If you think that you have made the best decision - then good for u. I understand that no women would take such a decision lightly. The only thing that I could fault you on is that you didn't trust your bf enough to tell him what you were feeling.... You are not heartless... nor is he being selfish? Is it so wrong that he wanted some input into something that effects the baby you two made together?
Take it easy.
2006-10-26 02:58:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Here we go again....
I am not a pro-abortion or anti-abortion campaigner as people do make mistakes. One, a child is a living being not a toy. Why in God's name couldn't you use protection???? Two, a woman should not bring a child into this world to come and suffer, move from one foster home to another and have no complete family.
He broke up with you cuz he wanted the baby (Not too many men are willing to keep babies as they opt for abortion) and he must have been a great guy. My only worry is that, i hope you haven't tampered with your womb in the process. Whatever be the case, be careful next time, that is, if there's a next time.
2006-10-26 03:13:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
First why did you have the abortion...and please don't tell me it's because you weren't ready to be a mommy...if this is the case...you just murdered your own child without the father's consent. I don't think you are a cold hearted **** and I don't think he is being selfish...at least he is thinking of someone other than himself. I don't mean to offend you...but there are millions of couples who can't have children...and if you weren't ready, then you shouldn't have had sex in the first place!
2006-10-26 02:57:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think the answers to ur 2 questions could be,
Yes,
Yes.
But who cares? I mean, its your life , your responsibility, your relationship, and my 2 measly points.
And I wonder, if you were not ready for the child, would it have been a wise idea to have it? But you can go to your personal heaven or hell , not tht anyone could bring it back to life?
Like, if Abrahem can decide to sacrifice his live and well to barter a better afterlife for himself, what is wrong with not giving birth to an as yet unborn child to avoid complications in this world and this life?
Only, it resulted in more complications and a breakup. Sigh!
2006-10-26 02:58:23 · answer #8 · answered by shrek 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not cold hearted but you should have told him about it. He's not sexist and maybe if you'd talked it out with him he'd have agreed with you. But with the way things happened there probably wasn't anyway to fix it. Pro Choicers and Pro Lifers cannot agree on a compromise.
2006-10-26 02:52:56 · answer #9 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The baby was both of yours not just yours. You should have included him in your choice as it took two to make the baby in the first place. I don't think you should be having sex if you can't face the consequences. Abortion in your situation is selfish and some day you will regret it. Keep your pants up if you aren't mature enough to deal with outcome.
2006-10-26 02:53:43 · answer #10 · answered by backdoc 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
He probably just couldn't take the emotional toll of the abortion. It is surprising to find out that men often experience the same side effects that women do after an abortion. They often feel guilty and regretful. Sorry it didn't work out, and try to reach out to him..tell him you are concerned as a friend that he is taking the abortion hard and that you are there to talk if he needs to. Good luck
p.s. PAY NO MIND to the ignorant bible thumpers on here that are telling you abortion is murder and the like.
2006-10-26 02:52:07 · answer #11 · answered by mrs michelle 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋