the great hubby to be is as wonderful as his ever-needy bro is not. hubby to be knows he can't give any more $ to bro but is in denial to a certain degree about all the help he has given already, which is extensive. i have 2 children in 20's that i want to protect and help out when i can (i am very comfortable $-wise) but don't feel the 50 yr old brother should still be sucking off the family teat...am i wrong...how do i let it go and shut up about it...wedding is in one month. help me....!!!!!!
2006-10-26 02:35:52 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Your hubby to be may just need someone like you to help him stand up to his brother. He may need to be able to tell his brother that he has you to think of now and cannot just be the ATM anymore. I would make sure it is clear that the brother will not be allowed to have any of your cash. You earned it (or whatever). Sometimes we just need to right person as incentive to do what we know is right.
I hope your marriage works out, you sound like you have got someone special ;)
2006-10-26 02:50:13 · answer #1 · answered by laneydoll 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the two shall become one, he will need to share your view as adamantly as you do, or you could find yourself getting the 'doormat' treatment too...getting asked for money by husband because he gave it all away to brother. In which case, it starts to cause problems to your life and marriage.
If hubby has his own money, and will not ask it from you- what does it matter what he does with it. Just be sure that you both outline the financial responsibilities in the home (ie: I pay for med insurance, you pay for car insurance, I pay for groceries, you pay for gas bill) . Outlining early will set up the game board and rules so to speak. So when he gives away money, he'll have to budget what HIS money can buy.
I know the "money" should be community in marriage, but at this stage, who wants to go back to work when the money is scarce to retire on? I'm only guessing you're in your 40's, and planning to retire and enjoy life more fully soon. Women should be VERY careful about money matters, since the workplace does not favor employing women over 50. It's not nice to say or understand, but if your doing well, BE CAREFUL!!!
2006-10-26 09:45:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should come to an agreement with your husband on the limits of your help to his constant problems will be. Keep in mind though , you should also have an agreement on the difference between helping a constant moocher and helping a family member in distress. You do not want a fight if one of your kids needs help and your husband compares the situation to his brother . Decide if you are going to marry just your husband or his whole family !!
2006-10-26 09:42:21 · answer #3 · answered by DEADGONE 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The brother will always be there, and that is a difficult battle to fight. I would suggest that you and your fiance sit down and make a formal agreement on what the expectations will be, from you and your finances (if any) to the brother. I hope you wouldn't expect your finace to just ignore his brother(even though I understand what a pain he is)because I am sure compassion is one of your fiance's traits.
2006-10-26 09:40:18 · answer #4 · answered by Jenyfer C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to ur husband about it nd if he doesnt listen back off or prove it to him
2006-10-26 09:40:37 · answer #5 · answered by liciabonnie92 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋