It is my close friend. She always says that she is "physically" OK and has indicated that she does not want to speak about it much. However I feel talking about it and crying would give her closure - not clamming up.
I am also afraid she may be afraid to concieve again. Any suggestions, since I know she does want another child (she already has a 2.5 year old)
2006-10-26 02:35:48 · 24 answers · asked by estee06 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I have had two miscarriages and two beautiful girls and am pregnant with my third. I don't mean to sound negative but in truth there is nothing you can say that will take what she is feeling away. It is something she has to go through. I don't think you ever truly get past it, you just have to move on, but it always haunts you. I know for myself and others that I know that have gone through this the best thing is just to let us deal with it the best way we can. It isn't that your friend is claming up, its just there really is nothing that can be said. She is blaming herself and everything she ate drank and did. She will retrace this pregnancy over and over again and never come up with an answer as to why. As for being pregnant again, let her decided if she is strong enough to go through this again. (a little known fact is most women have on average four miscarriages, its just they are usually so early on that they never knew they were even pregnant). For me with every pregnancy it has been exciting and joyful, but every ache and pain anything even remotely different I am scared of it happening again. When other people talk about it, or there shows that deal with it, I have a hard time not crying and feeling my pain and that others pain. One of mine was in my second trimester; I had felt the baby move. It was horrible. Just let her know you are there, and reassure her it is normal to go through what she is going through, just give her time and don't push the issue, when she is ready she will deal with it the best way she can. Also don't be offended if its not you she goes to for comfort, it most likely be a family member like her own child, hugging her/him, spending more time her/him, appreciating what she has.
Good Luck and God Bless
2006-10-26 02:55:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well............ speaking from someone that knows alot on the subject. My wife has had two miscarriages, and yes it is very devestating for someone to go through that. Yes she might be physically ok, but mentally she might not be, so when you say you think talking about it and crying might help, she might still be in shock and maybe she just isn`t ready to talk about it yet. The best thing you can do for her right now sweetie is to be there for her, when she is ready to open up let her know you care. And she will know when and if the right time comes to have another baby, however if the time comes, the new baby will never take the place of the one that she lost and please remind people that telling her everything is going to be ok, might not be a good thing right now she might not be ready to accept that. Remember she lost a part of herself and speaking from experience my wife still griefs. take it one day at a time and make sure not to smother her just show her alot of care and understanding. wish all the best and deepest sympathy!
2006-10-26 03:09:26 · answer #2 · answered by whitehunter1970 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its really up to her how to deal with it, but good for you for being such a support. If she doesn't want to talk, then don;t keep bringing up the issue. Keep company with her lots and do fun things to try to get her mind off things. I had a tough time when I miscarried, but it seemed to help to know that it happens to a lot of women (even though noone seems to talk about it) and its usually because something developmentally went wrong with baby. Its not mom's fault (unless drugs or drinking were involved) and probably better to happen this way than to have a baby who'll have to deal with tremendous physical or mental defects for all his/her life. This doesn't stop feeling the loss of the baby, but may help to reconcile what happened. And, having a miscarriage doesn't mean she'll have problems all the time now, I'm pregnant with my second child now, and everything is just fine.
2006-10-26 03:01:20 · answer #3 · answered by chicchick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many women go through miscarriages, some have more than one... I did... and it's hard to know what to say to someone who is handling grief in their own way. You can tell her you're sorry, be sure to give her a hug, and just be there when she is ready to talk... it may take time! There is some comfort in crying, but it seems like your friend does that on her own time, in private. If she is wanting to try again... I did... and had six children... it's ok, but she just needs to make sure she is healthy and taking some vitamins and going to her dr. I also recommend some Omega Oils... they are really good... I am also glad she has a good friend like you to help her ! Best wishes!
2006-10-26 02:45:30 · answer #4 · answered by MaggieO 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now I do not wish you to get to scared due to the fact that you could no longer have even been pregnant. The rationale being due to the fact that relying at the time of day that you're taking a being pregnant experiment it might probably say that its confident or bad. About your interval now it could simply be that you simply began early and that your simply being heavier than normal. Which could then provide an explanation for why your cramping more difficult and your hips are hurting. Another rationale you maybe unique then earlier than used to be due to the fact that your doing some thing unique this month. So with those matters mentioned you will have to understand that its in all probability that you were not pregnant. Remember their are such matters are fake pregnancies.
2016-09-01 02:56:19 · answer #5 · answered by bollinger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It also happened to my close friend. I also thought she should talk about it. BUt actually I just needed to give her space and eventually she was able to talk about it. Just do the same things you would do and let her know that if she ever does want to talk you will be there. Over time she will be able to open up more. My friend had a difficult time getting pregnant after it (it was also her 2nd). Her and her husband did some fertility treament (injections) and now she has 7 month old twins. Hope all goes well, and I'm sorry for her loss.
2006-10-26 02:42:26 · answer #6 · answered by Amy S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
one never heals from a miscarriage, an abortion, or giving their baby up for adoption. It's an emotional and heartfelt thing when a person has a loss. And, if you yourself have never had a miscarriage then you can't even say to her that you know how she feels. Time needs to pass. And in time she will try again (under doctor's supervision). I knew a girl who had to spend 8 months resting in bed (no working) so she could have her child. So your friend needs to talk with her doctor and find out what went wrong and see if she can fix that.
2006-10-26 02:44:03 · answer #7 · answered by sophieb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've had a couple of miscarriages and you just can be there and remind them about her 2.5 yr old...and that it will be okay to try again!! THere was a reason the miscarriage happened! There was something wrong with the fetus to allow that to happen...Just keep being there...one day she may just open the flood gates and actually express how she's REALLY feeling..I know sometimes, I'll be sitting there watching my older children (16,14,5 and 2.5) and wonder...IF I hadn't lost the other children...My last son wouldn't be here..cause I would have had my tubes tied after the one I lost between him and his brother...Everything happens for a reason..
2006-10-26 02:40:55 · answer #8 · answered by just me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't really matter what u beleive... not be harsh but while it may be a nice thought and sounds like a logical process when greiving, u can't force her. Everybody heals in their own time. Hormones r playing a BIG role in her emotions right now as well... just let her know u r there if she wants to talk, cry, yell, be distracted & laugh, needs a baby sitter, - whatever.
Her plans may have changed as far as getting pg again, they may not have - Give her time. If after a while she doesn't seem to get back to herself try again to talk to her.
Above all else listen to her & what she wants now.
2006-10-26 03:00:43 · answer #9 · answered by jfer0142 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there when (and if) she does need to talk and cry. We, that believe that a baby is a baby from the instant of conception, feel that a miscarriage is no different than losing a child that has been delivered. She is grieving a death, and everyone does that differently. She is blessed to have you caring about her.
2006-10-26 02:42:55 · answer #10 · answered by mudcat_mom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋