My husband & I are working on patching up our marriage, he promised to be faithful and give his all. I promised not to ck behind him (v/m, emails, pockets, etc). Well last night, I ck'd his email and saw that this girl from the past, whom he slpet with when we were seperated, emailed him and said "she got his voicemail msg, and it was good to hear his voice, she saw this email and made her think of him" it was a list of Ms. Freak (pros & cons) Ms. Right; Ms Gold-digger, all the pros and cons;etc. I didn't say anything to him. What should I do? Am I over reacting? Should husbands or wives be allowed to talk to the opposite sex behind their spouse's back, ESPECIALLY if they have history?
2006-10-26 01:48:52 · 38 answers · asked by sassy lady 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well if you promised not to be checking his email then you need to keep your mouth shut about it. Just decide once and for all if you still want to continue to patch things up. The bottom line is, i dont care how much counseling you have or how much the 2 of you say you love each other, if there is no trust there will be no fulfullment in the marriage. Do you want to go behind him the rest of your life checking to see if he is being truthful or not?
2006-10-26 01:53:48 · answer #1 · answered by classy&sassy 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you still felt the need to ck up on him even after promising to have more faith shows lack of respect and trust on your side. However you did read something that is totally inappropriate on his side. Was this email and voice mail done after he promised you the same thing? If so then he may not be ready to change.If not then maybe that was his way of saying bye and trying to end ties with her.
No its not okay to stay in touch with your ex but make sure he was actually trying to maintain a relationship with her before you freak out on him. I would talk to him an tell him what you saw,ask him if he is ready for this commitment with you or not. Just be prepared for the answers!!!!
2006-10-26 01:58:17 · answer #2 · answered by Kim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband has a history, there are always chances of history repeating itself. No married individual should be keeping in contact with someone from their past behind the back of their spouse. If you promised not to check up him, you've created another issue for yourself by doing so. If he promised not to go behind your back and communicate he also created issues for himself. Without trust there is no relationship. If your husband isn't trustworthy, it would have come out in the wash anyway and you would have been able to hold up your end of the bargain. As it stands now if you mention anything, what you did will be definitely thrown up in your fact. If you can't trust him, leave him!
2006-10-26 02:23:36 · answer #3 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there a reason she doesn't trust you? Maybe you have cheated? You're right even though you're married doesn't mean you can't have friends, but your friends should be her friends as well. Why doesn't she go out with all of you, I'd feel the same way if my husband went out with his female friends and left me at home. Try looking for friends that are also married, spend more time with her rather than your "several platonic female friends". Your wife should come first.
2016-05-21 21:58:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The promise you made, considering the history you two have, is impossible to keep. If you don't say anything to him, it will keep eating at you. If you do say something, he will turn it on you and accuse you of snooping(which you are, but with good reason). Obviously, you had a gut feeling and acted on it. If he said he wouldn't talk to any of the other women anymore, and did it anyway...bust him. There has to be trust for a relationship to work and it doesn't sound like there is much left here.
2006-10-26 02:23:34 · answer #5 · answered by angeleyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is being deceptive and that is wrong!
Is sounds like he has cheated on you in the past. Am I right? If so, you have every reason not to trust him, and if he is honestly wanting to be faithful and honest with you now, he should be ok with you checking behind him!! If you aren't able to rebuild the trust, your marriage will never work out.
I really think you need to decide what you want! If you want a life with a man who is going to cheat on you, stay with him! If not, leave him and find a man that will love, honor and cherish you. You aren't going to change him. He is what he is - and he appears to be a cheater and a liar.
Good luck!
2006-10-26 02:14:23 · answer #6 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right! Maybe I'm not giving you the right advice but I agree with you.I sometimes overreact to situations like this. I'm quite possessive when it comes to my partner and maybe this is not good, but for everything we do there is a reason. I have not been jealous in the past! Never. After I found out that my bf was cheating on me with my best friend I became quite possessive.
So my dear he definitely has done smth wrong before to deserve your mistrust. But...if you can't trust him, then... this marriage is not worth it!
Talk to him (even though he may get mad about it), talk to him. Tell him about these "little" things that worry you. If he wants you to work things out he has to help you with that!
You deserve to be happy, don't force yourself to accept things that you don't want to.
Hope you sort things out.
Good luck!
2006-10-26 02:07:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think that you have to be careful as far as how much you can check behind your husbands pockets, but this marriage involves you as well. There's always a sense of loyalty involved. It really wasn't a good idea to check behind him, but he was also wrong when he got involved with that other woman. He'll be upset with you for looking at his private things, but you also have the right to be upset because he went behind your back and did something wrong. I would say if they have history, you should keep a watchful eye, but don't go too far with things.
2006-10-26 01:56:55 · answer #8 · answered by ravensfan172003 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a jealous wife.
Do you really expect your husband to completely ignore everyone he ever met in the past.
Do you think he could dream of telling you about it with your attitude.
You have broken your promise, proving to yourself that your word isn't worth a thing. How can you be trusted with anything when you lie.
I think its time to do some introspection, and examine why it is that you feel so insecure. If my wife behaved like you do, I would have walked out long ago, and I am totally faithful.
But I do e-mail both my previous wives, and send them birthday cards, and wish them well. And some previous girl-friends and previous secretaries too. I also happen to e-mail lots of men too. Does that mean you would consider me a homosexual.
Stop being so childish.
2006-10-26 02:01:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're deluding yourself. He cheated once and 'promised' to neeeeeever do it again.
And you promised the very thing that would guarantee him safety.....his privacy. The very thing you did do, and would have to do in order to make sure he's keeping his end of the bargain.
He's going to continue to flirt with disaster, and I doubt he will actually make good on his promise to you. What you found is incriminating, in my opinion. Unfortunately you can't say much because you broke your promise to find that out.
So, I guess you should think about leaving the relationship. Continue spying until you determine 100% that he has cheated on you, and then break the news that you are leaving. Prepare yourself....I think it's comin'.
Sorry, but I wish you the best.
2006-10-26 03:44:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋