i've been with my girlfriend for 15 years, we have 2 children together but as it is our relationship is equivalent to us being friends only. we haven't slept together or had sex in like 6 months and when we do its usually in monthly to bimonthly intervals. she is a good person but i can't see myself spending the rest of my life with someone i'm not in love with. i love my kids which is why i find it so difficult to leave. i don't want to hurt them or cause any difficulties in their development. but i'm also very lonely in this relationship. advise me please!
2006-10-26 01:47:50 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
WOW !! I am not judging you but I would have never gotten into this situation. You will need to explain more. Did you ever love her ? Has it been 15 years of feeling this way ? Why did you bring kids into it if you really weren't in love ? I can only wing it without knowing the whole story.I don't believe in living together. It seems to cheapen the relationship. I don't agree with the '' Try it before you buy it '' line of thinking, but I understand why some do it. Did you not get married because you weren't sure ? Were you always looking for the way out and wanted to keep it simple ? If so the again , why kids ? I am not real experienced at this but in my years on this earth , I have seen a lot. By not getting married, it seems that people aren't as committed. That they don't seem willing to work as hard at it. It doesn't make sense to me, especially with kids in the mix, but I really do see it that way. If you can't make it work and have tried, then get out. Speaking for the kids, how is this going to affect their view of family and such ? Are they going to think that that's what it's all about ? That parents don't feel the love after a while ? Don't kid yourself, the kids will and are affected by what their parents do, or don't do. End the relationship FOR the kids. I think they will be all the better for it.
2006-10-26 02:42:39 · answer #1 · answered by randband4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand it's hard to leave someone when you have babies that hang on the line between the two of you. Been there Done that. Only difference- my ex husband made it easy to leave him. However, here is my advice. Sit down with her and talk to her. Explain how you feel and why you feel this way. Secretly she may feel the same way. Tell her the truth and don't let her interrupt until you are finished with what you have to say. Then see if you two can work something out either to make your relationship better or to work out a situation where you canbe involved in your kids' lives and still make them happy. Right now it is all about them. And if you two decide it would be better to split then you need to explain to your kids that the situation has nothing to do with them or anything they did. Make sure you tell them everything you possibly can if they are old enough. I am going to assume they are older than 5 or 6. Am I Wrong? Anyway, hopefully they will understand. Most of the time though kids can sense when mom and dad are unhappy and will usually help you let go and will not hold it against you. Granted later on they will start having favorites and don't worry they will tend to like the not so disciplinarian and choose the parent they can get away with stuff with. Just let it go and be the dad you want to be and they will respect you. If not they will when they grow up and get into their own relationships.
2006-10-26 02:03:24 · answer #2 · answered by lady_lucktyree 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you were truly committed to her, you probably would have put a ring on her finger and said some vows. Not trying to be disrespectful, just giving my opinion. Kids are only hurt in a "divorce" when the parents continue to fight. If there is no fighting, they will be fine. I will tell you that it is a lot easier to work on the relationship you have, if it is salvageable, than to start a new one. After 15 years, you know all of each others' junk. Why would you want to start over with another person, and take years to learn all of their junk? If you can save it, save it. If not, I would never recommend staying together "for the kids". It would hurt them more to see an unhealthy relationship. That is what they see as "normal".
2006-10-26 02:01:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh expensive, i will inform you that I certainly have been in a dating merely like this yet he's in contact with me and the youngsters. He tells me each and all of the time, if i do no longer purely like the guy he's then if i will locate yet another guy which will take me then choose for it. It hurts and the soreness not at all is going away, yet adult males do replace with the perfect motivation. i might provide him a raffle below particular policies. tell him what you think of went incorrect the 1st time, and if he can replace then you definately will provide him yet another possibility, otherwise there are no longer any 0.33 possibilities and if he screws up back then you definately won't placed the youngsters by it back. wish this helps, i encourage my guy to no longer leave merely using fact i do no longer choose for the youngsters in a broken homestead, yet to tell you the fact, i'm getting to the element the place being on my own ought to be greater non violent around here.
2016-11-25 21:32:59 · answer #4 · answered by paschal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say communicate with her letting her know how you feel. It's possible that she feels the same way which is why your sex life is so unactive. But if you guys are already more of friends, that would make it easier for the kids. You guys can go your own ways and you two would still have a healthy relationship with each other and the kids
2006-10-26 02:10:11 · answer #5 · answered by dazedandconfused 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For one, who and the H*LL have a girlfriend for 15 years!!! Problem #1. If you don't love her, then leave her. You are cheating her and leading her on, into thinking maybe one day.....he will be....MY HUSBAND!! Tell her how you feel, through a letter or in person. She has the right to know how you feel. Keep it real (open and honest)
2006-10-26 01:51:43 · answer #6 · answered by sassy lady 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
couldn't you try adding some spice to the relationship before finally deciding to call it a day. Try looking for the spark and do the whole roses and champaign. Maybe she's as lonely too?
2006-10-26 01:55:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
15 years is a big investment, think carefully before you do anything drastic plus you have dividends to think about. Suggest trying some new family hobbies.
2006-10-26 02:00:20 · answer #8 · answered by Ali-Baba 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to revitalize your relationship,Do something with or for her unexpectedly,cook dinner for her have a candlelight dinner or something else, Talk to her about your relationship, see if you can both figure out whats you can do to make it better, dont just give up, withought trying everything you can
2006-10-26 01:56:16 · answer #9 · answered by a1_friend64 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand that you are lonely and how things have gotten mundane. However, why don't you try to spice things up and romance her again? If your looking for "outside" help, leave her and then go on.
2006-10-26 01:51:01 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋