My husband has made HUDGE improvment from the 1st year that we wer married. He used to talk to girls online about being in a relationship, he would tell them he wanted to be with them and say that I was horrible to him. He would constantly lie and hide things from me. He was very mentally/emotionally abusive and blamed me for it all. Through some blood, sweat, tears, and counseling we worked past it. He is now doing very well and being honest and making a real effort to make me feel more secure. The slightest thing will make me feel uneasy. When he goes out with friends (no where bad just pool hall maybe usually store mall etc) when I dont talk to him (he is gone right now military) when he lets me off the phone to go to bed....all these things make me feel uneasy and scared. He told me he talk to a girl from work about work stuff and gave her a ride home from work a few times, but he did tell me but I still felt insecure about it.....Should I consider counseling to help move past it?
2006-10-26 00:30:21 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Try to focus on what they are now. Even if people have done wrong in the past, they may have reformed their ways. Realize that people can change if they want to. Just because someone lived without morals in the past doesn't mean they can't ever live with morals
2006-10-26 01:34:38 · answer #1 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You made a decision back then to forgive him and to give him an opportunity to make it up to you. You say he's trying hard, has made improvements and a genuine effort to repair the hurt he caused you, and you have no current complaints, just insecurities based on something he did in the past. He can't undo past behavior, he can only improve present/future behavior, which he's doing. So you need to continue to let him and trust him if you want your marriage to continue.
Keep in mind, half the population of the world is the opposite sex.... its inevitable that we all have contact with other men/women than our spouse, and you can't stop that....its impossible. Since you're having alot of insecurities to the point where everything he does seems suspicious to you,...even giving a coworker a lift home, I think counseling is a good idea... for yourself more than anything. He's done his part by changing... now its your turn.
2006-10-26 02:04:17 · answer #2 · answered by just_me3575 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Me and my wife have been happily married for almost 6 years.the1st year was not that great I did some dumb **** but she forgave me!!! We moved to Fla. to get away from our families, she told me while we were there that if I had to get some extra on the side that it was O.K. So if your man thinks he needs a little extra on the side maybe you should join him or let him see what he has at home is the best!!! Maybe you and him should go out together and find a lady who is into that kinda of lifestyle, but if that don't work try counseling or tell him if he does not hide it and the door can go both ways then there should be nothing to worry about . My wife and live the swingers lifestyle and it works great for us maybe it can help you two out. Lady ,I don't know how long he going to be in the military but if he is over seas and not close for you all to get busy I think you need to pray for him and you should allow him to get some every now and then.
2006-10-26 01:33:56 · answer #3 · answered by makersmark70 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That nagging doubt will keep coming back unless you make up your mind not to read too much into his moves/activities with others. What you feel right now is justified. But try to give him chances since you already have. You stuck it out this far, give it all you have. If he abuses it anytime, you have to call it quits right then and there. Hope and pray that he remains dedicated to you and is a changed man for the better. Go talk to a counselor further, it will help. Good luck!
2006-10-26 00:41:29 · answer #4 · answered by happykat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay I have faced this too& my step dad tells me that I'm a good wife & that if my hubby is cheating or whatever that he will get what is coming to him .Nothing you can do will stop him if it is in him to do it. I think the counseling would be good for you to rebuild your self -esteem.You have to realize that he has to answer for being wrong in any kind of way & just focus on yourself & rebuilding what you lost from every lie he ever told. He could turn out to be a good man & you could be very happy . I think that my life has changed for the better once i realized that.
2006-10-26 00:50:17 · answer #5 · answered by "karma" 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These are indeed your issues of insecurities and I hope that you dont throw his past up in his face. Therapy may help you but what if it doesnt? You have to either trust him whole heartedly or leave. My parents have been together for 40 years and my father has done a lot of sh*t to my mother BUT she stayed with him. I hate the way she treats him because I feel if you couldn't get over what he did..you should have let him go. You would only be torturing yourself to stay if you dont / can't trust him. Good luck!
2006-10-26 00:55:59 · answer #6 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That would be hard. Kudos to you for hanging in there! I would take up meditating and try to work on redirecting your attention - so everytime you get nervous about what he's up to, teach yourself ways to think about other things. Find a hobby that you work on whenever you get uneasy. Do something positive to erase the negative - and most of all, TRUST HIM! Good luck :)
2006-10-26 02:26:08 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was he having an affair w/ anyone he met on the net or was he just seeking pity from internet woman in order to have cyber sex? It is very common for a person man or woman to get hooked on the net and cybering. But it is a very different thing to do this in real life. Keep that in mind.
2006-10-26 00:38:37 · answer #8 · answered by Val 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Then they're insecure. rather of resenting it or attempting to dodge it, substitute the headline. arise with some new romance or journey that your better 1/2 will like and which will cause them to sense particular, yet do not enable or not that's like you making some thing as a lot as them. It has to do not have any connection to the previous journey. Romance them, seduce them, thrill them, sweep them off their ft all once better. that's relaxing!
2016-10-16 06:30:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it takes time. the important thing is that you forgive him. what makes it hard is if he continues behaviors previous to counseling.
every time he does that it will continue to be fresh in your mind. the best thing you can do is work on you. being the best wife and woman you can be will be the long lasting glue to your family and marriage.
2006-10-26 01:12:55 · answer #10 · answered by nakednuptials 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋