Do other step mom's have "real" mom problems?

Question

Since I got married (almost 2 years ago) I have tried to treat these kids as if they were my own. There Mom wasn't even in their life until their Dad and I started to date. I get the uglist phone calls from her. The last one she left on my voicemail. She told me that since I never gave birth I don't know a thing about raising a child and to leave her children alone. She told me that I am to never tell them what to do (I am a stay at home step mom). She told me that I need to be put on a short leash. She said that I am a wife and a wife only. They are her children. She buys their love instead of showing it. They don't know what real love is. This week I'm trying to do as she said. So when he (who is 10 yrs old) poured all the shampoo down the drain....who cares...but it is hard. Their Dad doesn't know what to do...I have always taken care of it. Why wouldn't a person back you up when you are co parenting them? You wouldn't call their teacher and say the same thing?

Answer 1

Even though I am in a similar thing but Im raising a daughter my husband had outside the marriage.. and the mother feels the same way she say I SHOULD NOT BE THE ONE RAISING HER KID..but I say the hell with her she is going to understand that even though she is the mother you are the one in her place doing what she should be doing.. MOTHER IS THE ONE WHO RAISE AND CARE FOR THE KIDS NOT THE ONE WHO SQUAD AND PUSHED!! THAT ANYBODY CAN DO... It takes a real mother to be a mother it doesnt matter if you have never given birth to those kids.. the kids have to respect you and appreciate you and you have to tell them that,, I told my stepdaughter look we were put in this situation and no matter how we feel basically we are stuck with each other I dont have a daugther and you dont have a mom we could love each other anyway you want and if you dont want to love me then Its ok but you still have to respect me.. and now we get along.. kids understand you just have to be as honest as you can with them.Your husband has to enforce respect towards you he has too in order for you guys to have a normal family and it could be done.The mother of the kids she will accept or get ulsers or something who cares about her.. labor and delivery does not qualifies anyone for motherhood tell her that.... good luck.

Answer 2

First, you do not have to give birth to a child to be a good mother. It sounds like you are a good mother because you actually care about what is going on. May I suggest that you continue to show the kids the love that it sounds like you do. Also, may I suggest that you also lay down the ground rules about what is acceptable behavior and what is not. You have to realize that trying to be your kids best friend will not always work. Kids need discipline and structure. You are the woman of the house and that carries a lot of weight. Don't worry about what the biological mother has to say. Do your best and keep your head up. The biological mom really does not care about the children, what she cares about is causing havoc in your household and she will use the kids to do this. Try to have family meetings where everyone can sit down and express their feelings. If this does not help, seek out the help of a family counselor. Whatever you do, don't give up.

Answer 3

right,,listen here mum,,because if the cap fits,,enjoy wearing it,,,,this woman is trying to rule your roost and you are starting to let her,,what right does she have to tell you anything,,you really have no reason to speak to her,,that is your husbands job and he shouldnt really be putting all this on to you,,he obviously thinks the job you are doing is sufficient for his children or he wouldnt just let you get on with it,would he? change your mobile number and let her ring your home number,,try not to see it as an invasion,,see it more of a "i will answer if im home but otherwise leave a message",she isnt your problem here,if your husband needs to talk to her,let him talk to her as this is the reason the kids are playing up,,they want to get on with all around them but the lines are so blurred they have no idea who to turn to,,your job is hard yes but just try to treat them as you would any child who pours shampoo down the drain,tell them off!! this is your home and you need to accept responsibility for that,,dont allow her to intimidate you at home or anywhere else for that matter,if she calls with abuse,simply put down the phone until she gets the message you wont be spoken to like that,,people learn how far we can be pushed by pushing,let her know you have reached your limit,she has found an argument that seems to work in her favour,you have no kids of your own,,so what,,the argument will change to something else if you do have children,,some women are bitter like this,,talk to your husband about all this,not her,,she doesnt need contact with you and you dont need the upset,,leave her with nothing on you,,let her know none of your family business,she only need know of the kids,,she isnt part of your husbands family anymore so she cant say anything worth hearing as far as you,re concerned.

Answer 4

Before I answer your question, if you don't mind I would like to ask you a question or two. How are the children with you? Do they respect you? What kind of relationship do you have with them?