Should I tell him?

Question

I have been separated from abusive husband for 3 months and have to wait another three months to file for divorce (since I moved out of state). He keeps asking me if we're getting back together, and my counselor suggested I not tell him yet since she thinks that if he thinks he in a lose-lose situation, he may come try to take the kids or hurt me or something. But I feel badly that I have made a decision to leave him and have not told him. He says his life is in limbo and he needs to know. Should I tell him, or wait until I can file for divorce and have him served with papers?

Answer 1

Listen to your counsellor. His life is in limbo? What about the things he put you through? Don't feel bad for him, he put himself in this situation. You need to concentrate on taking care of yourself.

Answer 2

This is an unpleasant situation, at best. I work in a law firm and a divorce action is never easy or pleasant. You indicate your husband was abusive, and that you have to wait three more months to even file the divorce. I believe taking the advice of your counselor would be the safest course. Abusive relationships can be explosive especially when he just keeps inquiring if you are getting back together. Limit your communication, and when he is served with the divorce papers set up a safety net around yourself and be prepared for whatever reaction he may have then.

Answer 3

I would listen to your counselor, take his advice, you may feel bad about not telling him, but when you feel that way, look how many times he has been abusive, how he has made you feel.

Unless your counselor suggests otherwise, I wouldn't tell him at all, wait the three months and have him served with papers. When you do, be ready for an explosion and threats. Find a way to record his conversations, let him know up front, at the beginning of the phone call he is being recorded and that all future calls will be recorded.

Get a different cell phone number and don't give it to him, have all calls come through a house phone.

Good luck

Answer 4

I would listen to my Counselor as well as family. I think that he gets that you made the decision to leave him. Your gone, suitcases and all. What he does not know is if your coming back. That can be left in limbo by just saying that you need to figure things out, find your true self and will advise him when you know.

Answer 5

I would follow the counselor's advise in keeping him in the dark about your plans.
First of all if he has always been abusive and you are afraid of this person than I'd say it's best not to say anything.
We here of these cases over and over where the man says he misses her and that his life is in limbo. She gives him another chance only to find out he hasn't change or at times results in tragedy.
You know him better than anyone, than you know what he's capable of.
I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 6

Hell no !!!! Anyone who is abusive deserves NOTHING !
Stop the "feeling badly" nonsense. Just make sure you play it cool in any way you can. Stay safe and make sure the papers are filed as soon as possible--your counselor knows what she is talking about.

Please rent the movie called ENOUGH. It shows how complicated these situations can become. And, no matter how far-fetched you think it is, take it's message to heart. You need to take care of yourself to be strong for your children.

Best of luck !

Answer 7

Wait until you serve him with divorce papers. If you tell him now then he can use that as leverage to try and gain control back over you. Do you really want that to happen again?

Answer 8

wait until everything is in place. the councelor has experience, and yes it normally should be right that he knows whats going on but if he is abusive you have to be careful how you play things. ask for some more advice from some other people / authorities to see that your kids are safe.

Answer 9

Wait. Find A Good safe Place Then Tell Him.

Answer 10

you definitely need to wait like the counselor suggested. That spells trouble. Stay safe & keep your kids safe.