We were married and had two children and he left before the 2nd was born. The children are 8 and 10. He would like them to come and stay with him during the summer months in California, the kids currently live in Georgia. They do not have a relationship with him and are tramatize by the ideal. I have asked him to begin calling the children to create some sort of bond with him and he refuses. The kids were calling him once a week and he will not return any of their phone calls.
2006-10-24 22:48:41 · 9 answers · asked by ilovemychildren 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is easy just don't let them go. If he can't make the effort to call them once a week how is he going to make an effort to be with them and make sure that they are safe when they are in CA? Just let him know that until he decides he wants to be an active part of their lives that he will not be seeing them. Good luck
2006-10-24 23:10:35 · answer #1 · answered by kelsey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man oh man----this sounded like my past experience with my childrens father----my boys are now 31 and 27-----After 10 long years of physical abuse from this man I left him when my children were 18 months and 5 years old!
I raised this children as a single MOM---even remarried and during all the years my children were growing up----I can count on 1 hand the 18 years of non-visits and none communications their father had with them------NO summer visits, NO christmas visits or phone calls or presents---NO b-day cards---just a lack of don't give a DAMN about his children----
I can remember him showing up for the boys graduations from High School----The oldest son----he gave time too a whole 2 days (he expected a total bonding)---- The other son---he showed up for the graduation and left 2 hours later (now mind you he flew from California to chicago----drove 2 hours to the city we live in---watched the graduation/ had dinner with all of the family and then left-----(really quality time----yeah right)
I would advise YOU NO WAY would I send my children to California----If their dad wants a visit----LET him fly to Georgia to see his kids----He can stay in a MOTEL-----and visit the children in their own environment! Putting children thru the trauma isn't worth it!
I hope you are getting the child support you deserve for these children---REMEMBER----he is paid more in California than he probably was when you divorced him----Do a child support modification thru the courts----to make sure you're receiving at least 27% of his gross income NET!!!
2006-10-25 06:44:14 · answer #2 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lets keep this short and to the point. If the guy doesnt have enough interest in the children to even return thier phone calls, then under no circumstances should they be forced to live with him for any period of time. Just alone the fact that the idea trammatizes them is enough to say NO. does he have any other visitation rights or place in thier lives. He ran out on them and i assume has no role in thier lives, why would you send your children to live with someone like that. Sure you want them to have thier dad involved so badly your contimplating making bad decisions. Make him prove he is worthy before he gets anything more than a visit. Id make him come to you first to see them , and prove they are important to him .
2006-10-25 05:53:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's gotta be awkward for him.
It's easier to communicate in person and to show emotion/regret than it is over the phone.
Doesn't mean it's right and I can only imagine the kids are put into an even worse spot.
Try to reinforce the idea upon him that if he wants to have a peaceful summer with the children he's going to have to make an attempt to be more than a part time father.
2006-10-25 05:53:37 · answer #4 · answered by Dan B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like there is no relationship at all ! I'm sure this personality trait was part of the reason you are divorced. Don't hide this information from the kids -- they SHOULD know what kind of person their father truly is (I'm sure they have already figured it out, though, since it sounds like they do not want to go). It would be wrong for you to ship your children to California for the whole summer with a virtual stranger (to them, anyway). If there is some kind of court order for them to stay with their father for 3 months, I would bring my concerns to a lawyer to revisit the custody situation. The childrens' welfare should be the number one priority.
BOTTOM LINE: He has chosen to have no relationship with his children. Do not traumatize your kids by acquiescing to his patronizing whim to have them for the summer. It is your duty to think of them and protect them.
ALL THE CALLS SHOULD STOP, until he decides to do the calling !
2006-10-25 06:09:40 · answer #5 · answered by Maewest 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why do you say fathers are they different fathers or are you suggesting all fathers are like that or what.
maybe the fathers of your children do that but i can suggest not all.
Some men are pigs and don't care and some hurt to a point that they run away instead of facing it head on. the number of reasons is endless.
2006-10-25 05:56:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
his not a resposible father and he do not cherish what he has, he should be happy to get someone who call him daddy?so as the mother you should be honest with them because you have a very big battle with the kids just tel them the truth about what they daddy his doing,because they say what goes around comes around so be patience everything as an end?
2006-10-25 06:03:18 · answer #7 · answered by mima t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they are traumatized with the idea, don't make them go unless it was court ordered.
2006-10-25 05:52:54 · answer #8 · answered by sweetgurl13069 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what a peice of work.. what were you thinkin shaggin it up with this guy, you couldnt tell he was a total deadbeat??
2006-10-25 05:51:02 · answer #9 · answered by bootleg_310 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋