she doesnt work, has the kids 55% to my 45%, share custody, she does nothing with the 3 kids, I have the 9&10 in music lessons, playing soccer, religion, do their homework with them stay home my two normal days with the 3 yr old boy, I run a business make the money, she hasnt worked for 10 yrs in our 12 yr marriage, she has never picked up or dropped off in 2 yr seperation once on exchanging the kids, she used to drink alot, a 12 pack of beer atleast a day, had seizures and I had them about 75% last year til family court services made this report and judge adopted instead of my concern of child safety, we each have two days and then alternate weekends, I just switched attorneys, I have had to already pay 10 k in legal to her sister who she hired for an attorney, I have spent 45-50 k and all we have is the house and businesss and 3 kids. She claims everything, abuse etc, with not one piece of proof, I pay $4100 mth child/spoused plus health in, yr and half & nothing solved, what to do?
2006-10-24 21:23:27 · 10 answers · asked by Sam1234 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Those are the type of things that happen when you get married. Ooops! Unfortunately, you have to leave it up to the law; maybe there is some way she can absorb some of the expenses.
2006-10-24 21:28:04 · answer #1 · answered by мooи sнiиe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best thing you can do from here is continue being the reliable parent and human being in the relationship. Hopefully the legal system will do the right thing. In VA alimony is not for life anymore. The courts will tell the slacking partner (usually the woman) to get employed in a certain timeframe 1-2 years. As for child support and custody, you will pay substantial child support to your ex if she has custody of the kids. However, let me caution you, the court will have little sympathy for you and your spouse and will focus on what is best for your children. It sounds as if you are already focusing on what's best for your children, keep that mind set and I think that's the best you can do. Good luck.
2006-10-24 21:53:26 · answer #2 · answered by Bullwinkle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your ex sounds as though she has serious problems and sorry to say, if you care for the kids, you're better off keeping them yourself, for their sake.
As for the divorce dragging on, it can do. Do you have legal representation? Can't your lawyer push things that bit more?
Could you benefit from a better lawyer?
Don't do anything to her, she's got enough bad things going on for her as it is. Just see if you can stop paying all that money and take full custody of your children.
2006-10-24 21:47:57 · answer #3 · answered by sirinae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon, you really need a sit down with your attorney and a long talk about what you want out of this divorce.
Given your side (and let's be honest here, she has a side too, that is valid to her and her attorney), you might want to consider asking for full custody.
Keep receipts of everything you spend on your kids, including transportation to/from activities and to/from Mom's house.
I don't like this tactic, but it works: take the kids in for counseling to deal with the divorce. If she's not doing it, it will make you look like a proactive parent in the courts eyes.
Another thing that will play in your favor is if you take a parenting class and get some certification that you completed the class successfully.
You might even want to err on the side of caution and go in for a full psych eval, just to "prove" that you're sane (school of been there, done that).
Get the "goods" on her background (this is dirty, and I don't like doing it) and bring up every little thing you can think of, right down to speeding tickets (with or without the kids in the car). Pay for a credit report on her (you're still legally married to her, so you can do it as a joint credit report, but it will still show your individual accounts as well. Be prepared for some surprises, though).
Has she made any effort to earn money, to advance her education, to get career training? Has she turned to the state for any support/benefits? Document as much as you can.
Finally (this is really dirty), do some digging on her private life. Hire a PI to tail her for a week (may not be as expensive as you think). Ask the advice of the PI - what about putting a "nanny cam" in her home? Morals issues DO come up in court and WILL be considered, even though most people think they can't be/aren't. Check for married boyfriends, sugar daddies, a history of having men in the house who aren't related to your children (one or two boyfriends over a year & a half won't raise eyebrows, but a different guy over every weekend will), drugs, booze and beer (the PI can check her trash, if you don't want to do it yourself).
If there is another man involved with her (or men) that you can identify, get the "goods" on him as well, especially if he is married.
Start making a list of potential witness for yourself: the kids' teachers (past and present), school administrators & staff, counselors, other parents/coaches/teachers from extra-curricular activities, Sunday school teachers, ministers, neighbors (yours and hers), and potentially "hostile" witnesses: her family/friends, etc who would know something "bad" about her but wouldn't want to testify about it. Give the list to your attorney.
Attorneys work best for you when you work WITH them and make their job easier.
2006-10-24 21:50:07 · answer #4 · answered by Johnna L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to talk to her person to person and see if there isn't anything that you two could do outside of the court that is agreeable to both. The best divorce is an amicable one, but both partners have to agree to it.
2006-10-24 21:27:54 · answer #5 · answered by cjmadden2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's really sucky. What does your attorney say? Perhaps the judge will not believe everything anyways, cause her attorney is her sister.
2006-10-24 21:27:19 · answer #6 · answered by wondering 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get proof of her stipidity and turn around and sue her *** for physical custody of the kids,it sounds like all she wants is that fat check every month so she doesen't have to get off hr ***.I think the kids would be better off with you,dad.
2006-10-24 21:34:32 · answer #7 · answered by holliela 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing. Accept things how they are. After all you decided to marry this person. Now be a grown up and pay for your actions.
2006-10-24 23:00:33 · answer #8 · answered by Politia 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do your best not to antagonize her. Cooperate, help, assist, and pray.
2006-10-24 21:44:09 · answer #9 · answered by lindakflowers 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pray she is not going to let that money go.
2006-10-24 21:42:25 · answer #10 · answered by betty_htch 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋