He is a good laugh, fun and treats me well, we have really amazing sex together but he has said (in front of people) he is very unlikely to marry and he has very negative views about settling down in general which he cannot seem to help telling everyone about. I feel it makes me look a bit of an idiot to be dating him and a number of his friends have asked me why I see him.
We have a great time when we are together, he has invited me on holiday, said he will intro me to his parents and also I have recent gifts from him so I feel confused about it.
Sensible advice only please!!!!!
2006-10-24 21:08:52 · 27 answers · asked by Saucy B 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Every girl he has dated has split up with him over his refusal to move in/get married/make a commitment.
2006-10-24 21:16:23 · update #1
He says he doesn't want to get married/live with someone but sees us together a long time - I'm totally confused!!!!
2006-10-24 21:25:58 · update #2
He is 42 and I am 35
2006-10-24 21:35:58 · update #3
The guy is 42. I think he knows what he wants.
He doesnt want to get married or live with someonelse, but by the sound of it wants to commit to a relationship.
If you want to get married and have kids leave. If your are happy and love the guy, accept, he wants his own space and privacy and the illusion of being 'single'.
2006-10-25 08:04:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well its quite clear that ur having a wonderful time with him but when it comes to marriage u get disappointed as he doesnt beleive in this institution. Dont u think when ever we start a realtionship Marriage is the last thing in our minds because directly or indirectly we keep checking whether we are really compatible with the other person or not. As far as ur case is concerned i think u have made up ur mind and u want to marry him but his opinion abt marriage troubles u. It might be possible that he is taking some time just in order to be sure enough that if he commits anything he will be able to keep it and his commitment wont turn out to be hollow words which sound good but make no sense at all.
U said ( "We have a great time when we are together, he has invited me on holiday, said he will intro me to his parents and also I have recent gifts from him so I feel confused about it")
I think he has some plans for the future thas why he wants u to meet his parents because Iam of the opinion that guys introduce their gal frens to their parents only when they have started taking them seriously.
So wait for some more time and dont talk abt marriage in front of him. Now show him ur love with some indifference and puzzle him. A t times Indifference kills indifference
2006-10-25 04:51:32 · answer #2 · answered by Achilles 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For starters, disregard his previous relationships altogether. He's with you, not with them, so judge him by how he's with you.
Men tend to have a thing against marriage. They might be afraid of the commitment to one person or feel oblidged to fend for a family, which is very hard.
How long have you been with him? A promise for a lifetime cannot be made within the first few months, or even years!
It sounds like you have a great relationship going so perhaps you should just sit back and enjoy the ride and see how it goes. Don't quit while things are good!
How do you feel about him? Would you be able to stay with him without having to walk down the aisle? Because love doesn't need a paper or a ring to exist.
And honey, do talk to him if you're concerned! Keeping things like that from him might impact on your relationship!
2006-10-25 04:54:01 · answer #3 · answered by sirinae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask yourself what you want out of a relationship. Also trust him at his word, dont think that he has just come to this decision, and that you can change him, cuz when he doesnt change his mind years from now, you will get a hard lesson. So if your ok with not being married but being with this man then do it. If you have the need to settle down then get out while your still friends and there arent any hurt feelings.
I agree with the piece of paper guy as well, my fiance' and i are having a civil ceremony, we feel that our bond is between me, him and God. It doesnt have a thing to do with the state we live in. I'll keep my money for the license and wherever else they say you must pay to be married.
2006-10-25 04:17:10 · answer #4 · answered by JodiBaby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's only saying these things in front of people because he thinks it makes him sound all cool and aloof as if he doesn't care !!!
Does he say these things when you are on your own ???
I wouldn't end it until he actually admitted to me that it will definetly go no further than dateing !!!
Ask him what his real feelings are about commitment !!! Has he been hurt before and thats maybe why he talks this way !!???
Drop it into a conversation at some point to hear his views on it then make your mind up X
2006-10-25 04:17:50 · answer #5 · answered by tinkerbell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you ok with not getting married for a long time or ever? If your boyfriend has said in the past that he doesn't want to marry, he is probably very serious. Although opinions and choices do change over time, don't bank on it if you want to settle down in the near future.
2006-10-25 04:14:06 · answer #6 · answered by cjmadden2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If one day you'll need to settle down i think you should move on and leave this guy. Unless you are hoping on changing his mind, which is highly unlikely, then you can hang in there. Consider yourself lucky he made his intentions clear soon enough. Don't lie when you leave, tell him the truth. Dont be flattered into confusion by his presents, maybe he's only giving them to you so you may feel obliged to have sex with him or maybe jus because he can afford it. Good luck girlfriend.
2006-10-25 05:27:36 · answer #7 · answered by Sammy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i'd feel abit of an idiot too... Just hang on for a bit tho, sounds like he really likes you and if your both still quite young then he's probably saying that about now! But will want to settle down eventually! Guys always say silly things like that without even thinkin about how its gonna affect their girlfriends.
Goodluck hun xxx
2006-10-25 04:30:34 · answer #8 · answered by ♥ Jodi ♥ Kaydi's Mummy ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since he can't be in a serious committed relationship and that is what u want then it will not work out because u all are on two different pages. Ur relationship maybe fine now, but later on it will get complicated because u will want more that he can't give. If u want a committed relationship with someone, u need to have it with someone who wants to have the same with u.
2006-10-25 04:16:20 · answer #9 · answered by dcutegirl06 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well,there's no need getting confused.the question here is do u really LOVE him? if yes,sit him down,and u guys should have a heart to heart talk about family life,remember u are not getting any younger.if really he is not ready to or doesn't want to settle down at all then tell him ur mind and intentions about settling down.okay,lets see it this way,wat if he puts u in a family way and dumps u,wat will u say?and if it be that u dont love him,why waste your time, go and get the right guy for u,i believe he is somewhere waiting 4 u. well,dats just my humble contributions.
2006-10-25 04:32:47 · answer #10 · answered by angel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋