I have been with my live-in boyfriend for 3-yrs. I love him and wish we could have a normal relationship. He used to drink heavily, but in the last 3-months he has slowed down to just the weekends. But this past week he drank everyday and missed an entire week's work! And he has missed two day's this week. I know he lies to me about his drinking even though I know when he's drunk. I can't stand the person he becomes when he drinks. We always fight. He told me the other night that he knows that if he continues to do what he's doing he will lose me. But I know he won't stop. I want to leave him but I'm worried about what will happen to him if I leave? Any suggestions???
2006-10-24 20:12:30 · 16 answers · asked by Sadgurl80 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i am in your boat too.. Sadly i am pregnant. I am actualy on this computer right now, hopeing he will just go to sleep. But i doubt it. Hes bitter cuz i am on here, and hes not. he spends his nights drunk and on the computer. I thought if i removed one, maybe it would help.. wrong. as ushaul.. he only got out of rehab a week ago. He was dead set one change.. he wanted to go to meetings.. and everything. the sad thing is.. he already knows he has a problem. And i have no idea what to do.. im going to have his baby in three weeks. and i thought we would be a family. But now.. I just hope he will come around to see her after we brake up. and i know we will. its just a matter of time. sucks.. cuz i am so inlove with him.. but i cant put my baby in this. i could handle it. But she should never have to.. AND WONT EVER HAVE TO. i just want him to see her be born. then.. we shall see.
2006-10-26 17:05:57 · answer #1 · answered by pladedah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U bin wth him 3 years and he's only slowed down in the last 3 months?? U R so Co-dependent and Enabling. However, you aren't gonna do anything, cause u r sick 2. Wait till he gives you a good beating after his drinking...then maybe you'll get smart and leave. Oh, but you love him, i forgot. U need alanon. U have zero self esteem.
2006-10-25 03:42:22 · answer #2 · answered by brandorules 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds harsh, but you really should stop the codependency. If you were to fall off of the face of the earth tomorrow, what would happen to him then? You can only help someone who wants to be helped, and even then, you can't do the work for them. All you can be is a resource, and a support center for them. They have to do the work themselves.
If he won't stop, then he has made his choice. You know have to make the choice of staying there, and watching his decline, or moving on and finding something healthy relationship wise.
2006-10-25 04:24:09 · answer #3 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy will only bring you down! Get out of this relationship a.s.a.p. if he wont go check himself into rehab and admit that he has a problem. Unfortunately drug and alcohol abuse is a life long battle, even if they try most keep falling off that wagon! You need to consider this if your going to stay in this unhealthy relationship, imagine the damage this would have on any future children you might have! You deserve to be happy, you cant fix a person who wont fix them self. Hopefully he will try.
2006-10-25 03:54:22 · answer #4 · answered by Mel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a man's point of view, I suggest you've conributed to his commencement of the drinking sprees once agian. I used to drink a lot before parting ways with my live -in girlfrend. All she knew was to accuse me of drinking and commanding me to stop it or else...bla bla bla you know what I mean. I could not take that approach so the next morning I would go drink and drink the whole day till dawn. Except I was not beating her but she did struck me once while in my drinking mood, I did not touch her. Let me tell you this...at this point she did not know that we were already separated emotionally..although I could of course express my love in a way. To cut the story short, she got surprised one day when I told her it was all over now soon after arriving home from my drinking binge when I saw that she had soaked in water all my clothing in an attempt to restrain me from moving out again.
My advice is if you would like this man to stay with you get into his heart than you have ever done before. Understand why is he drinking this much. Dont try to yell and force him to stop. He won't. Probably why you fight alot. Understand why is it that he is now drinking so much when he had really stopped ,search yourself for possible contributions to his resurfaced behaviour. Does he have your respect? Do you attend to his needs;- physical and love and emotional needs
Are you well aware of his financial stand?...I never told my lover the true status of my funds in fear that she would block my way to the next spree.Try to help him save the money he is using by introducing a project of some sort. My lover was as extravagant as my drinking habit she never had ideas on how to save or put money to good use...I had already lost the battle so I followed as well.
I know in your question there is alot you had to say..The man fears he will lose you and yet he goes out drinking the next minute.The answer is he is lying to you the fact that he fears to lose you.
I bet there is something not working with you.Find it out now and sort it out now. I believe you two have the key to your door of happiness. Try to solve this yourself with the approach above. Councillors dont help alcoholic husbands.
2006-10-25 04:20:35 · answer #5 · answered by havemercy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you have to leave him,and tell him that you love him but you not going to be there,while is he drinking,when he will be ready,he will get help,tell him that you will be there when he goes to rehab,be strong don't let him manipulate you,i had a friend that he was an drug attic,to very low point,and i told him that I'll not have friends like that,and to come back,he realized that he is loosing me,he got help and does not do any drugs off course he got help.and today he is doing well.
2006-10-25 03:22:00 · answer #6 · answered by kitty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon, it isn't your problem of what will happen to him if you leave. the question is what will happen to YOU if you stay??
Get yourself to an alanon meeting. They saved my sanity.
You didn't cause his drinking, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.
Once you get away from him you will realize how crazy the dysfunction was.
Read up on co-dependency and being an enabler
2006-10-25 03:20:13 · answer #7 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AS long as you let him use you he will drink. Without you he will have to stand on his own two feet. Other wise you'll both are going to go down for the count out...leave for your own sake...
2006-10-25 04:08:37 · answer #8 · answered by meerkat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
by you standing by his side, and working yourself to pay the bills? you are enabling him to not take responsibilities that he should. I am NOT criticizing you by no means, we tolerate things when we love or care about someone, but doesn't that put stress on you that you shouldn't have....maybe a reality check for him is in order....and that means standing your ground and doing whatever it is to show him his actions aren't going to be tolerated anymore, because you don't deserve it...
2006-10-25 03:18:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him now before you end up pregnant and feel obligated to stay with the father of your child.
Trust me, it is not worth it.
They never, ever change.
2006-10-25 06:42:35 · answer #10 · answered by mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋