I have been dating a girl for 3 years. I love how caring, respectful, giving, reliable, loyal, hard working, and competent she is. She would make a lovely wife, but I am not really attracted to her appearance. I get a headache when I think of spending my life with her, and I am overcome with EXTREME EXTREME anxiety when I think of committing myself exclusively to her, such as being married to her. Do I need medication to control my anxiety, so that I can get over this hump??? Maybe she is the best thing that will ever happen to me, & I just need to make the commitment, and settle in with her (i.e.GET MARRIED)and after a few years, maybe I will have become comfortable being with a wonderful girl, like her, and everything will be fine.... or am I just thinking wishfully???
2006-10-24 18:37:58 · 30 answers · asked by should i 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
IF YOU ARE NOT 100% IN LOVE WITH HER THEN LET HER GO. YOU WILL BE DOING HER AND YOU A FAVOR. SHE MAY ONE DAY FIND SOMEONE WHO NOT ONLY THINKS SHE IS WONDERFUL TO BE WITH BUT ALSO THINKS SHE IS ATTRACTIVE. IF YOU MARRY HER FEELING THE WAY YOU DO, IT WILL SHOW, AND WILL HURT HER MORE LATTER ON. IF YOU TRULY LOVE HER THERE WOULD BE NO DOUBT, THAT IS NOT THE WAY TO START A LIFE TOGETHER. YOU ARE ONLY SETTING HER UP FOR HEARTACH WHEN YOU LOOK AT OTHER WOMEN AND EVEN HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT OTHERS THAT SHOULD BE ABOUT HER.
LET HER GO, SO SHE CAN FIND WHAT SHE NEEDS.
2006-10-24 18:51:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to have some attraction to this girl otherwise you would have never gotten with her. Here's what you do. Get a piece of paper and sit down when shes not around. draw a line in the center of the paper and write pros on one side and cons on the other. Now write down what you like most about her on the pros side and least on the cons. Do the pros outweigh the cons? Also if you're getting a headache when you think about spending the rest of your life with her, think about which part gives you the headache. Is it the sexual part? Are you worried about what people will think about it. Just weigh out everything and then once your done you should have a whole new outlook on the marriage thing. Hopefully you'll see her for her inner beauty and not worry about outside looks, although they do fade at some point, but love will always be there. Decide for yourself whats more important to you.
2006-10-24 18:50:48 · answer #2 · answered by ~MandiNic~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your stuck! Youve dated her for three years, so obviously shes special. Her appearance souldnt even matter to you anymore if your love is that deep. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you love her and think shell be a good wife why not? You've comes this far why turn back now? You gotta think about wether you'll cheat on her though, that wouldn't work. You also said get married then after a few years you feel more comfortable..its been a few already and yet your still not comfortable? I say do it..you love her then do it. But dont marry her if you think it wont work out..that would hurt both of you. Goodluck!
2006-10-24 18:43:19 · answer #3 · answered by LADII 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Absolutely not. Since you are not attracted to her, you will not give her the sexual satisfaction she deserves. You admire her qualities, but you are not really in to her. Many marriages break up due to a lack of sex. Sex is an important part of the marriage and it is your duty to satisfy your spouse. You do not need medication to make you love your woman. When you find the right woman you will be attracted to her inside and out. It is wishfull thinking on your part to think that she will grow on you. Never marry a person you are not sure about. It will only result in a failed marriage. When you meet the right person you will know it. Believe me. I have been there.
2006-10-24 18:55:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Alot of guys think this, maybe not to this extreme, but you can do 2 things here.
#1 Grow up.
#2 Stop the relationship right now, and see if there are any other attractive women out there. Things are still on a good term, so there's still definitely hope for the future.
2006-10-24 18:45:55 · answer #5 · answered by bloodsanctum 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not a good reason to enter into marriage. You're likely to "cheat" with someone you *are* attracted to. Give it some time. Perhaps over time you will fall in love with her inner beauty and will become attracted to her inside and out. Until that happens, you should not marry her. It would be doing the both of you a disservice.
2006-10-24 18:41:39 · answer #6 · answered by Plato 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is she fat or just ugly in the face?? b/c she can lose weight, but remember women just get bigger if they don't do something about it when they are young.... anyways I am a married women of 7yrs, and yes you have to be attracted sexually, physically, whatever b/c if you don't, you will not have sex often after you get married, and/or it will not be good, so unless she loses weight and can keep it off, or fixes her face, DO NOT MARRY HER!!! But, if you do you will enjoy getting a divorce in a few years b/c you were caught cheating with some young hot chick(s)!!! LOL
2006-10-24 18:50:42 · answer #7 · answered by jrbside 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your an idiot for not marrying a girl like that , Looks fade , sorry but its the enevitable and if ur only marrying for looks ur going to end up being a very lonely old man because, its whats on the inside that makes a long happy marriage, not whats on the outside.. so to base your wanting to marry someone or not based on physical attraction is immature way of thinking and u shouldnt get married to anyone if thats what concerns u.. when u really love someone.. REALLY love them, its whats on the inside that makes them beautiful on the outside..
2006-10-24 19:30:53 · answer #8 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How could it be the best thing to ever happen to you when you get "extreme, extreme anxiety" and a "headache" ? Do not do it with these type of problems.
If you are not attracted to her, can't you find another girl?
2006-10-24 18:50:11 · answer #9 · answered by wondering 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
MATE. it's what is in the inside that counts. if you love her marry her. when i met my fiance i thought i wouldnt go for a guy like that because of his appearence, hes not the best looking guy but i love him to death. but u know he it the best thing that has happened to me. we all look the same when we are old and wrinkly... ha ha ha. ask yourself this........ am i happy with her? do i really love her? do i want another guy to have such a great girl? just really think about it before u say anthing to her. Good Luck, buddy.
2006-10-24 18:50:06 · answer #10 · answered by Bashazza 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋