I would love to have a normal marriage?

Question

But I don't trust my wife or myself. I left her once and she had a fling with someone I hated. In fact, had she done it with someone else I would have been over it instantly because I LEFT HER. Anyway, now I don't trust her. In fact, I TOTALLY don't trust her and I'll bet she's being completely honest with me. I'm a fool

Next, I must be sort of attractive or something, because I am 44 and I get hit on all the time by women in their mid 20's on up to about 35 or 36 years old. Older women don't even try to hit on me. I guess they think there's no way I'll do them or something.

Personally, I don't think I'm anything special at all, but I turn down sex often.

The sucky part is that I love my wife and I want to trust her, but I can't even trust myself. It's not because I feel as if I'm always looking to cheat, it's because women always hit on me and it makes me think my wife is like all of them!....plus...it's VERY hard to turn down hot women.

I want a normal marriage. How?

Not that it matters what those with an attitude have to say, but I know I'm not all that. What I don't understand is how I always get flirted with and how I am presented with so many opportunities for sex with attractive women. I don't get it EITHER, ok!

My point is, it's difficult to turn it down all the time, which I have done pretty well. That's all. Please understand that I am serious in asking this question and I don't think I am ANYTHING special at all. In fact, I have never been satisfied with my looks. So please stop it.

Answer 1

If you can't trust yourself, you'll never be able to trust anyone else. I'd start there.

Answer 2

First DEFINE a NORMAL MARRIAGE. No marriage is ever considered NORMAL. Far from it. You say you want to trust her? Has she done anything to make you doubt her in anyway? (since the infidelity) And Younger women find older men very attractive. As they are more secure and will never stray. That is the reason I married a much older man. Older men are very forgiving. (In my opinion) I have never cheated on my Husband. Nor has he cheated on me. We have an unspoken understanding. So Your wife maybe thought that doing what she did would get your attention. There must be something that is lacking in your marriage. Did you ever have the trust before you married? As that is the number one reason (in my book) that marriages fail. If you do not lay the ground work before hand you are always going to wonder in the back of your mind if your spouse will be faithful. If you have complete trust in your spouse, there should be no doubt in your mind. You love her completely. You need her completely. But she must be wanting you the same. Get her alone, try discussing your concerns. Lay it on the line to her. explain your reason for dis-trust. Give her a chance to hear you out. And then hear her out.

Answer 3

To have "good" marriage you must share your sexual fantasies with your wife. the more open you are with her the better your chances at a happy marriage. Make her feel good about herself. Treat her like a queen and she will trust you again. I dont doubt you are attractive but you must be sending out some sort of vibe to get hit on so often. You must ask yourself why you are doing this? Why do you crave attention from other women? Ask your wife to meet your needs and make sure you meet her needs. This will make you a happy man. SHe may have cheated with your friend in order to get back at you and let you know that she is desired as well. Stop playing games with each other and play together.

Answer 4

Without trust there is no love. Time to move on and find someone you can trust, and I don't mean to the ones that are flirting with you they just want a piece is all. Maybe you should follow your heart if you still want your wife then tell her how you feel and what you've been feeling.

Answer 5

you can not have love with out trust! they go hand in hand. why don't you try some marriage counseling? it might help. But first you have to been willing to give up all your flirting. and the VERY hot women. It is not hard to turn them down if you know what you have at home is better. and in most cases the grass in not greener on the other side.

Answer 6

lead a simple life. Stay home if you have no official entertainment, cos you have to avoid places where you can get in contact with these women. Its something like an addiction. When a person gets into an addiction, they losses their analytical mind. I don't think is a kind of mental problem, but if you have the finance is good to get professional help. When you come to your senses, life will not be as beautiful, but life will what it suppose to be. Thats life.

Answer 7

First of all there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Second trust is a major part of a marriage. You have to let her know that you don't trust her and why you don't. Figure out why you don't trust yourself. THerapy would not be a bad idea.

Answer 8

You may need to speak to someone who can help you work this out. Your problem may be deeper than asking your question here. Sit down and seriously think about what you really want and what makes you happy.

Answer 9

tell her what you told answers. talk with her and ask her if you both should consider marriage counselling to try and save your marriage/relationship.

make new rules you both can apply to your relationship and spend quality time together.

one question for you because you seem confused.........if you want to have a normal marriage, why do you want to meet and date asian women? i think you already answered your question and made up your mind.

Answer 10

You need to divorce your wife and marry someone you can trust.