Husband secretly visiting strippers for 2 1/2 years.?

Question

I wanted to thank everyone who posted a reply to my blog in which I wrote that I discovered my husband has been visiting the same 3 strippers for over 2 1/2 years, calling strippers compulsively. He has spent 1000's. He claims that he never had sex with these women, but only got lap dances in which he ejaculated into his pants. As I said early I am an attractive women, but since discovering this infidelity, i have felt very low in self-esteem. What has upset me most about this is that I love to have sex and I feel rejected by my husband. I would have gone with him to the bar if that is what excites him, but the fact that he went alone shows that he doesnt care about my emotional and sexual needs. I feel that I am not good enough. I am a good wife, always ready to listen and I like to have sex. I just don't get it. I wonder if he will cheat in the future, and if he had sex with these strippers. I wanted to have children, but he wasn't interested in sex. He says it was to escape stress.

Answer 1

Look, I am a guy; been one for almost sixty years. I want to level with you. It is time for a divorce.

"...but he wasn't interested in sex." Think about that. Come on. You write well enough so that I think you are probably at least average in intelligence, probably a little above. He wasn't interested in sex? Thousands of hours? dollars? lap dances where he ... please!

Time to find your self-esteem. This guy is not helping your cause. Yes, he is cheating now and will in the future.

Get yourself a lawyer, get a divorce, get into some counselling on self-esteem, improve yourself with whatever it takes and live life.

My very best wishes!

Answer 2

He meant nothing bad or ill towards you. I am quite confident in saying this because I've done the same thing and I loved my wife at the time. He probably, like me, had no idea his wife loved him enough to allow him to indulge in any fantasy type behavior.

I'd talk to him and ask him "had he known you were cool with it, would he have taken you with him?" I'll bet he says yes and I'll bet he's not lying.

Also, the one thing I always loved about strip bars is the fact that it is a mans place. Sure, there are naked women everywhere, but truthfully, you can't mess with them unless you spend the big bucks or are truly into them. And no self respecting man is truly into a stripper. Especially not a married man.

I think you will find that what you are calling infidelity is just a misunderstanding on both of your all's part.

That's my honest opinion.

Answer 3

You are not the one who is not good enough he is. Why did he not have sex with you to escape stress? It is just a guess, but I would say he had sex with the strippers. 2 and a half years seeing the same strippers? Also a lap dance is enough for me to consider it cheating. He left you alone and not satisfied. Dump this loser and find someone who can truly see your worth.

Answer 4

Great question and worthy of a genuine response. I am a 30-year-old straight male and have gone to strip clubs in the past. It's more for the show and the fact that there are completely nude women in front of me whose job it is to make me, ahem, excited. But I'm not married and not even dating. My personal response to my behavior is "no harm no foul." The urge strikes me every few months or so and I indulge it - there seems to be no shortage of very attractive women who are willing to do almost anything for money. And that's the thing. Most of these women are in it for nothing more than the money and many are very, very good actresses - they make you believe you are the most attractive, well-hung or sexiest man alive. What many forget is this is their job - and they're well paid to do it. My opinion is this: if you can't forgive it, then you can't - and there's no shame in that. I know married couples who frequent strip clubs together - but that's not for everyone. If you're willing to forgive his physical transgressions and focus on the emotional fidelity, then great. But that's your choice, and either way you go is correct. Just a question in response - what is it exactly that bothers you? Is it your husband being aroused by another woman? Is it his apparent disinterst in you, sexually? The answer to that question will probably shed some light on the whole situation.

Answer 5

i had a similar situation like this once. Only my husband wasn't cheating or seeing strippers. He just didnt want sex and seemed very distant. luckily i found out that things in the bedroom were getting old and we needed to spice it up. but i felt rejected just as you do.I thought something was wrong with me. This is his problem. you probably haven't done anything to encourage him to do this. I cant say whether he has cheated on you or not, but if u think about it he probably has. Dont worry honey, im sure your a good wife and you are good enough. it sounds like your too good for him! DONT BLAME YOURSELF!

Answer 6

He is showing all signs of someone who has had an affair on you and the golden rule is never own up to it even if you are caught red handed because you then will experience the scorn of a women. I also had a wife who said that nothing was happening with her ex and found out to late that indeed both were nothing but scum.

Answer 7

jeez.....I know a few strippers who are personal friends of mine, so they tell me things...that they do (no sex) but other things I cant type out.....so I don't know. That's a though decision...Maybe you should buddy up with a stripper for information and learn the "WHOLE" truth....Good Luck

Answer 8

Normal

Answer 9

Of course Utah Guy heard it several times!

Answer 10

Sounds to me like you need to divorce hubby and find a REAL man
who will take care of you and treat you with honor & respect next time....