my husband had an affair after 13 married years. the 22 yr old tramp ended up preg.i still love him,need help

Question

we have 4 kids and we are doing shared parenting. we don't even know if its his yet.she slept with others also.its killing me everyday.i just never thought this could happen to us. we were middle school sweethearts,married in high school. we had everything in life we ever wanted. don't get me wrong there were some problems but, i never went outside to get what i needed from him.my values of a marriage is broken. i want to love him and be with him again but i know in my heart right now i won't except this child and have her a part of the rest of his live because of this child.has anyone been in my situtation and their marriage worked out?and did you have some of the same feeling.he doen't want her he knows he has done me wrong but i need help.it has been 7 long months,she is due at christmas. then on top of him betraying me my best friend of 11n yrs stole 2 credit cards and charged 4000 on them.she is no longer a friend but i have no one to talk to that i can trust.Please help.

Answer 1

i know exactly how you feel...i have been married for going on 8 years and my husband cheated on me with a co worker....I hate her and I started to hate him....it has taken a long time to get any type of trust back in him but slowly slowly it does come back but it is not easy he has to earn it and you have to be willing to try to give him the bebefit of the doubt...it was very hard for me to trust anything he has said.....I still have doubts and still dont completely trust him....although my problem and your problem are a little different the one that my husband cheated with did not get pregnant that makes the whole situation a lot worse but you also have to remember just because she is its mother it is not the childs fault so I guess my advice to you is talk to your husband plan to get a dna test especially if she has slept with other guys at the same time.....my relationship with my husband is getting better but I will tell you this it takes time and a lot of patience and understanding especially if you want it to work out start opening the lines of communication and of course there will be a lot of fights and a lot of tears but as long as both of you want it to work it will.I hope I helped at least a little.Good Luck!!!

Answer 2

Heather you are in a very difficult situation and I encourage you to first take the time to sit down with your husband and See if he'll give you an honest sincere answer on who he is in love with.
If the answer is you and you can feel confident that he will make and effort to change. You have a strong chance of keeping it all together. He may likely have to pay child support for his illegitimate child which is something you will have to get over.

It is possible after a situation like this your marriage may just be fine and even better than the past. However it will take a lot of hard work to regain his trust and he will will have to work hard to earn it.
Please remember the child is a gift of god and the child had no part of the decision of it's own creation the child is an innocent victim and probably will need more love than most as it has a broken home before its birth. The way you get back at the girl is to love the child more not less
This is not the end of the world its only the greatest challange life has brought you so far. How you both handle the situation will be a true test and testiment of your love.
Think positive and start opening all the lines of comunication
My sincere prays to you and your family

Answer 3

I know that is a long time. Just wait for the test and see what it says and then go from there. The question you need to ask your self is can you forgive him for doing this to you. If the answer is no then your marriage will fail bc you will always wonder and that is not good. I am not in your situation. I would just take it one day at a time find out what the pernataty test says and go from there. I would suggest if you really want the marriage to work out even after find out that the baby is his I would go see a marriage conciler if you want the marriage to continue. I would not let a mistake like this ruine the 13years of your marriage but make sure he will never do this again and maybe find out why he had done this in the first place.
im sorry this happen to you and good luck.

Answer 4

Hooo boy, I really wish you could have saved the "best friend, credit card" thing for another question. For her I hope you called the Police, she needs to suffer serious consequenses for her actions, & so does your husband.

You are absolutely right. If the other womans illegitimate child is your husbands, then she & he will be forever linked through that baby.

You didn't ask for any of this grief, & you certainly don't deserve to have any of it in your life, and of course you still have feelings for him (he doesn't deserve it). You can't take 13 yrs of emotional ties, & instantly throw it out the window. It's going to take time, a long long time before you can feel free of this man, if you do decide that it's over with him, & who could blame you if you did call it quits with him.
Another thing you said that is SPOT ON, is that no matter what the problem is in the marriage, you don't solve it by going outside of it, & bring in another relationship into the mix. It's just dishonest, & proves that he is unworthy of your dedication.

So where has he been over the past 7 months? Has he been kissing your a** & begging you to forgive him? Or has he been quietly living with his 22yo Tramp, calling you occasionaly so he can keep his options open?

Anyway I'm doing a little math here, 'cause you didn't say your ages. But assuming that he was at least 21 when you got married, plus 13 years would make him at least 34 years old. I would say that he is definately old enough to know what a serious problem he would create by having unprotected sex with a 22yo fertile female. This is HIS DOING, Not yours so let him find a way to unravel his mess.

You have my vote in favour of permanently kicking him to the curb.

Answer 5

Wow sounds like you are going through some tough time. Deal w/ one things at a time. Just remember that it takes 2 to tango don't just blame the girl for it. Your husband is to blame as well. He had a great family and he took that chance and had an affair. Of course he is going to say he wants nothing to do with her now. If the child she carrys is his than he have to take responsiblity for that baby. Just remember that it's not the baby's fault. He/she didn't do anything to deseve this. As for you forgiving your husband or not is really up to you. If you can bypast the fact that he betray you and disrespect you than go ahead and give him another chance. I seriously think he doesn't deserve another chance. If he truely care for the marriage he wouldn't even consider cheating on you. I understand you have 4 kids with him and it's hard to walk out fo this marriage. But did he think about the 4 kids while having an affair? Your husband not only hurt you but your kids as well.
As for your friend, if you have evidence that she stole your credit card than I would report her to the police. Don't be sofe to people like her. How can she throw away an 11 yrs of friendshiip for just $4000? Hang in there....

Answer 6

I also agree calling her a tramp is not going to fix this situation. Your life has been turned upside down cause he couldn't keep it in his pants, and didn't even consider you when he was screwing her. He knew what he was doing, and had he had a vasectomy or she was on the pill and baby didn't happen, most likely he wouldn't have gotten caught. He has 4 kids with you, what kind of example is he setting for them. And, sorry, what kind of example are you setting for them as well. You are going to teach your daughter(if you have one) to be a door mat? That is exactly how your husband treated you. I am NOT insulting you swear, I don't mean it to sound that way at all. What I am saying, is that if you allow yourself to be taken advantage of by him this time, who's to say it won't happen again. Don't you deserve to not have that done to you? How dare he. And the stealing of the credit cards, I would call your CC company and file fraud charges. What if it was YOU and your little sidekick that did this(just an example), your husband would nail you both to a wall!! Been married 27 yrs, I don't care if my husband flirts with the chick behind the counter at Burger King, the day he puts it into another woman is the day it never see's mine again. PERIOD!!! who knows what diseases he'd be bringing home. No way....and now there is an innocent baby involved. What a life this kid is gonna have. Shame all around!!!

Answer 7

I am so sorry you are having to endure such a terrible situation. Please talk to someone - a counselor or clergy. If your husband is willing, do marriage counseling. Have a paternity test done on the baby when it is born and if it is your husband's try not to blame the child for the mistake of your husband and his mistress, and remember, you could be the only positive influence this little one will ever know. I do know some couples that are still together after a mess like this, but it is a lot of work on both parts. Really, talk to someone. And file a police report on the person who stole your credit cards. Take her to court!! Good luck to you and take care of yourself during this stressful time.

Answer 8

I am sorry to say that even married for 25year to does not make a different to a men. He must have thought about it before getting into it. What differences does it make being sweethearts from school.I would say that girls now day would prefer older men then to young.Now that she is carrying you hubby's child and you are not sure of it to this could be a trap too. Talk to him and ask him what he wants to do now .Ask you self if you want to go on with this marriage and pals dont say that it is because of the kids you want to stay. Now it time to think for you self and all you have done for this family and how much value he has for you. I f he really love you and the kids he and you should go talk to that tramp. As i know they are many couples who cannot have kids and would love to have one. i am sure you dont want him to leave you for her so be smart and play you cards right.Ask him if her parents know. Give it a short and see what happens. would love to hear from you. goodluck

Answer 9

Heather, why do people always blame the other woman and not the husband. You don't know what your husband told the other woman she may not even know that he was married but HE knew he was married didn't he..so forget about her and concentrate on him...If he is the father of this child you have to be prepared to accept this child as part of your family...if you cant do that then I seriously doubt your relationship with your husband will be worth much. You have to have enough love for him to totally forgive him but FIRST he has to admit his guilt and not lay it all on the other woman. I see that sort of crap all the time...I am not defending her but why does the man sit back and smile while the wife or girlfriend are ripping each others hair out...If he is sincere to admitting his mistake then you have to have enough love to accept the consequences of his actions the baby shouldnt have to bear the guilt of the parents.As far as the friend-thief goes...call the police on her and stop allowing people to take advantage of you.

Answer 10

First place to start is to start trusting yourself. How do you know this is the first time your husband has ever cheated, maybe it is the first time he's been caught & bad!! I am sorry, but in my heart I don't really think that I would or could ever feel the same about my husband again. And especially if he has another woman pregnant........he is the only guy you have ever known & unfortunately that is the hard part for you. And file charges on your best friend (fraud) for stealing credit card & charging....you are feeling dumped on, BUT don't allow it anymore...otherwise it is your decision to be the martyr....why?