which one has the most potential to damage to him?

Question

me and my wife r considering a divorce.we have a 15y/o son and i'm scared about the effect our divorce will have on him vs. the effect of our constant fighting and yelling(if we were to stay together).can anyone tell which one they think might b more damaging to him?can u tell my what u/your parents did and what effect did it have on ur child/u?

Answer 1

my parents divorced when i was a teen.

would have been better for me had they stayed together.

I hope your family finds peace.

Answer 2

Wish I could wave a magic wand and make it easy, but it's not. I ultimately had to divorce my wife because she wouldn't bend at all and discontinue the behaviours that were puttting my kids at risk. But in the divorce, I think I did the best things for the kids, so with what I am about to mention, perhaps there is a bit of perspective.

My parents stayed together, but they were so busy fighting that they sort of forgot to pay attention to what it was doing to us kids. But I am glad they kept trying. Which is definitely a huge paradox.

What I really wanted was to be able to talk to my mom and dad, and without that I really wish I had had a reliable counselor or other adult to talk to and work things out with. Didn't have that until my twenties, but the wisdom I gained by going through the process made it possible for me to do well in a marriage for a number of years, even with an emotionally troubled spouse.

So, my recommendation is that your family needs access to a really good family counselor, so I would look for referrals from people you know and trust to point you in the right direction. Your son will also express things to the counselor that he probably won't share with either you or your wife, by the way, and it will help him, just like it helped me. It may be that with mutual counseling, the whole family can heal from the current level of pain, or at least agree on a separation strategy that does the least amount of damage.

God bless in the mean time and I wish you well.

Answer 3

I'm just telling what comes to mind I'm not and havnt been in this situation, but he's 15, 18 isnt to far away! Maybe you could ask your wife for his sake if you could chill this out alittle bit and keep it more private or come to an understanding that your both just biding your time and living in the same quarters if thats a possible or acceptable option to you, I think the divorce sends a really bad example and does cause some lasting effects but ofcourse the fighting does to but I think people feel more grounded with both parents a sense of security and foundation when they go out into the real world, maybe even ask the son does he think your both human or could he not deal with it yea talk to the son toGood Luck!

Answer 4

I don't really know if I can answer your question the way you want me too, but I will tell you my story.

I am 22 years old and I have been married for 41/2 years. We have two little girls. anyways. I can remember being very young hearing my parents yell and scream and fight with each other over everything. At that time I felt like it was my fault, even though they were fight about stuff that had nothing to do with me. When I was about 14 I started going out parting and doing what ever I wanted because they were to busy fighting with each other to worry about us kids, or at least that is what I thought. Because of the relationship that my parents had I vowed that I would never be like that, or put my kids thought that. Guess what..... I am just like them and it kills me inside. I tried so had to make sure that my marriage wasn't like theirs, but instead I am getting ready to get a divorce myself. I pushed my husband so far away that he turned to drugs and another woman because of me.

I know that men and women are different... but yes in my experience it can effect your children.... NO matter what there age is. I feel that if you are unhappy your kids are gonna be unhappy.

Answer 5

Even if you do decide to go through with a separation or divorce, seek counseling and try to learn to resolve issues without yelling/fighting. Teaching your child that that is not a suitable way to resolve issues and that sometimes relationships take work could be the best lesson you could have taught him. Love is a decision. Learn how to communicate calmly and effectively.

Answer 6

The constant bickering and fighting will harm him more. If you divorce, at least you can work on trying to provide a stable environment for him. A divorce will be hard on him. If you had to pick would you really pick the option that would have you in an environment with constant fighting and yelling?

Answer 7

my parents had a very ugly breakup, I was the oldest, three younger siblings. the fighting in the house was hard to listen to, the disolving of our family was just as hard. The name calling, and anger wasn't just between them, now they were dumping their anger on us kids, what is wrong with your father, what is wrong with your mother, and you just stand there, I don't need to hear that, but you absorb it anyway. The kids are always the ones who absorb it all. When my mother died 4 yrs ago this month, my father's anger towards her turned into sort of humbling guilt. Don't really know how to explain 25 years of hating someone on this, but guess it sort of made him look at himself, that he wasn't only mad at her, but at himself as well. It's a shame that it took her dying for him to see that, guess better late than never I suppose. We weren't close for many, many years, we are pretty good friends now. The way life goes sometimes, takes something really drastic for people to get their heads out of their butts, and put someone elses feelings first before theirs. And think more rationally, than with just anger. My little brother and sister never got over the mess my parents created. Have continually had emotional problems all their lives. If your going to get a divorce, I hope you two are civil, and not the way most are, for your sons sake, cause it could crush him like most kids feel.......

Answer 8

The situation that would be best for your son is for your wife and you to quit fighting and screaming and yelling in front of him. And staying married. BOTH are best for you son. Fighting and divorce are damaging to your child .

Answer 9

I hope you 2 can work through this. Marriage between 2 people is a constant learning of give and take, it's like a friendship, if you want it to last it takes work and compromising. For your son,,,, well put your self in his position,. I'm sure he doesn't like to see mom and dad fight, But you 2 are his his mentors the ones who brought him int this world and the ones he is looking up to. For his sake and yours also, try to work through this first... before the big D

Good Luck.

Answer 10

My parents divoriced when I was 5. So i dont remember much. It was normal to me to go to dads every other week end . But at 15 it will be much harder. You should talk to him. Ask him if he has noticed how unhappy you both are and if he can accept that you are breaking up. Explain how you will all have a better realationship if everyone can get along without all the fighting.

Answer 11

Hi - If you can't control your fighting in front of the kid then you are doing him more harm now then if you got divorced. I'd say split up and then devote your life to being the best possible role models that you possibly can.

It's not too late to be good parents if you are devoted.

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