He has been my step dad since i was 3. I love him dearly and he was an excellent father. He never abused me, but he would occasionally peek thru the door after i showered, or when I was changing my clothes in my room. Though he never touched me, it did make me uncomfortable at the time. This happened 14 yrs. ago.
Any way, my mom askd me if he had ever done anything "unappropriate" when I was a kid. Should I tell her what happened? Was he being "unappropriate" to the point that after 14 yrs. I should tell her?
2006-10-24 16:56:32 · 36 answers · asked by momgoncrazynKY 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The reason she asked...we were chit chat'n on the phone about nothing in perticular and somehow got to a discussion about a similar occurance that happened to me with my step brother (son of step dad) when I was about 4-5. My step dad was enraged at what had happened!! My step brother didn't live with us, and he was never allowed to be alone with me ever since.
Mom and step dad are still married (25yrs.) and if I did tell her YES it would definetly change their relationship...possibly divorce!
If I really thought my step dad would ever do anything to hurt someone I would have said something a long time ago. I was a teenager...going thru puberty...developing pretty rapidly. I have always thought he was just having "curiosity episodes".
I think at this point it cause more hurt than is really needed...but she did ask!
2006-10-24 20:13:00 · update #1
Do you think she really wants to know? Are they still together? Is it going to change their relationship? You have to answer those questions before you decide to tell her or not.
2006-10-24 16:58:41 · answer #1 · answered by odandme 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you ask your Mother WHY she asked you that? At your age, do you still live at home? I was thinking it would be best if you could also watch her reaction to the question. If she brought it up merely because of your conversation about the stepbrother, perhaps it's best to let things be, since nothing else has happened. (Unfortunately, some stepfathers do behave inappropriately toward their stepdaughters, so it could have become a momentary concern for her.) However, I am not excusing what he did. It was wrong, and I think it's a cause for concern. For example, be careful if you bring a possible future daughter to visit "Grandpa". Definitely, though, if someone else has claimed they were "bothered" by your stepdad and your mother has heard about it, it's best to tell.
2006-10-24 17:08:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would she ask if your step father had ever abused you just because you where talking about what your step brother did, it doesn't make sense.
If this is true then I think there is another reason she has asked this question, maybe she suspects he is abusing someone else, maybe he is abusing her. You have to tell her, what he has done is inappropriate yes. He has to be taught that he cannot watch liitle girls getting dressed it is wrong whether he touched you or not.
2006-10-25 01:50:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a judgement call. It's natural to feel uncomfortable beeing seen nude, so it may be just that. There's inappropriate, and there's valid reasons a parent might want to look. It occurs to me though, that there's a reason your mom's asking. It may be that there's something she knows, that you don't. I'd tell her about it, with the disclaimer that NOTHING else happened. And explain that it just made you uncomfortable. If it's innocent, it may bring questions with easy answers, but if not. It's best that the info's out there.
2006-10-24 17:18:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, she asked you for a reason. (For example someone else maybe a risk, or have been abused by him in the past)
It is always best to tell the truth and the fact that she has come to you may mean that other people have said things. Abuse what ever form it comes in should never be covered up, even if nothing specific happened.
Tell her what happened and tell her that you felt uncomfortable.
2006-10-24 17:01:07 · answer #5 · answered by Heather 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say you may shop your self and your brother. curiously, they're continually drunk and subconscious. A worried father might guard his toddlers and their issues. (generally after divorce fathers do no longer yet you reside with him jointly). He isn't waiting to guard you as long as your dad and step mom have quite some issues to handle. So once you want to depart the abode with your brother and are available to a decision to stay with your mom, i'm hoping, he will understand how their fights result you and your brother. i do no longer think of he will restoration his issues of her spouse, so be waiting for a divorce. have self belief me, it is going to likely be sturdy for 3 of you. Did he have a ingesting habit formerly the doorstep mom? i'm particular that, if your father had abused the doorstep mom, law enforcement officers might have come and sent away your father. the place's equality? P.S i'm a woman and that i've got continually been a supporter of ladies rights, yet now your father is the aggrieved one.
2016-10-16 09:08:44 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her...there has to be a reason she is asking. A father even a step father has a duty to protect you from things like that. And if he was doing that then whats to say he wont go further maybe he wont but you never know cos people are capable of strange things
2006-10-24 17:23:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because she is asking directly, you have to tell her something and you cannot lie. You can say that he never laid a hand on you in that way, that he never made any sort of suggestive remarks (if that is true).
At this point, I am not sure what purpose would be served by telling her that he was a peeping Tom - as long as it never went beyond that. If she does push you into saying something more than what I mentioned above, then you should tell her.
2006-10-24 17:00:43 · answer #8 · answered by Road Warrior 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely NO !
I dont think peekin thru a door is abuse !!!!
I'm sure even if you tell it to your mother, she will agree with me. But the only point is, it may hurt your step dad and spoil your relationship with him.
Havent you ever peeked in someone's door by mistake? I have and i'm glad I'm not been charged for abusing !!!
If I were you, I wouldnt do such a thing !
2006-10-24 20:05:17 · answer #9 · answered by Explore_Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her. Also tell her that it never went beyond peeking. Not that it makes things any better, but there are abusers who peek, abusers who poke, abusers who stroke, etc. It is possible that she suspects him now of doing something to some other young girl, and that may be why she is asking you whether you were abused.
2006-10-24 17:01:37 · answer #10 · answered by amy02 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋