We have been toghter for 5yrs. he promised he quit smoking weed years ago. Today he came home from work high. He says he slipped with a friend might I add this friend use to be a girl friend. I have a daughter that is 13 I do not want her to lead this kind of life, how can I tell her it is not OK when "DAD" does it?
2006-10-24 16:32:25 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sometimes people do stupid things because they feel socially pressured. What your husband did is stupid. Personally, I think threatening to leave whenever something is out of whack is a bad idea. You should sit down with him and ask him why he did it, if he has been smoking all along and if he intends to continue. If he chooses to continue smoking pot then that warrants leaving since you and your daughter are opposed to it. If he only did it this once and he feels bad about it, then he just needs to understand that you won't tolerate drugs in your relationship. Just because the woman was once a girlfriend does not automatically mean he cheated on you. If your are concerned that he did then you need to talk to him about that, too. There are other signs involved if your husband is cheating on you. Divorce or leaving is something you do when all else fails. I got divorced once after 10 years and now i've been married 15. In my first marriage we never talked, just internalized our anger. In this marriage, we talk, sometimes yell, and always work it out.
2006-10-24 16:50:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm surprised by some of these answers!!!
"you need to find a man to marry and take care of you and your daughter"!!!!!! Are you kidding me!!!! Anyway!
If you're gonna leave this guy, DO IT. Don't give ultimatums, don't threaten to leave, just go!!
I have a 12 yr old sister and my mother is married to some pot smoking loser too. She's given a hundred chances and everytime he falls short. My little sister is a mess.
Not only are you teaching your daughter that weed is okay your teaching her that its okay for a man to treat her this way, that you don't care as much about her well being as much as you do yourself or him, and that your a push over. In another couple of years your daughter will be a pot smoking, skank who doesn't come home half of the time because you wont do sh*t about it.
Stop the cycle, get out and get you and your daughter a better life than this.
2006-10-24 16:50:40 · answer #2 · answered by BreeCan2 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What kind of relationship do you manage to have now?
- How do you communicate?
- Do you talk openly to each other or do you keep your feelings to yourselves? - Do you share thoughts that may make you feel uneasy, like fear, jealousy, anger, lack of confidence etc.?
- Or do you communicate through negative and bad thoughts or feelings, more than through love, openness, appreciation, reinforcement etc.?
- Are you aware of having conflicts between you and are these conflicts put on the table?
- Or is everything 'under the carpet'?
- When you argue (if you argue), how do you end your fights?
- Are you able to apologize and resolve the fight?
- How do you make up?
- Do you share common interests?
- How is your sexual life together? Is it worse than it was at the beginning and, if yes, why?
- Besides your marital relationship, how is your life in general? Are you satisfied with it?
After asking yourself all those questions, my suggestions to you are:
1. Stop being desperately depressed and start to look at reality as it is. Despair, depression, and self-pity are overwhelming you and paralyzing you from reacting and doing something to make a change.
2. Have the courage to open a dialogue with your husband to discuss the issues which bother you, but present yourself as a thinking and rational woman, not as a desperately depressed wife. Tell him what you are willing to do in order to keep the marriage, and what you are not willing to take anymore. And of course, listen to what your husband has to say.
3. This can be the beginning of a new contract between you, based on expectations that are more realistic. Have the courage to see what is wrong in your relationship and to evaluate the things that you want and can change.
4. Start to live your life: invest yourself in work, studies, hobbies, friends, family etc. Take care of yourself by doing exercise, eating well and thinking positive thoughts to give you strength to continue and prevent despair and depression. You can become an active participant in your life by choosing to do what feels good for you.
Good luck,
2006-10-25 01:39:03 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really cant, the "do as i say not as i do" wont apply here, u have a choice.. Your husband or your daughter.. because your husband is drowning in his own substance abuse, and he's pulling your family down with him.. so here u are, in the life boat, he's drowning, and your daughter is drowning and u can only save one, who do u save???? ur daughter of course, doesnt mean u have to divorce him but he definately needs a wake up call, and ur daughter needs to know that this is not acceptable nor tolerated by u ..
2006-10-24 17:31:18 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like youve already made up your mind. That you want to leave him. Maybe you havent built up the courage. Maybe you love him still. Maybe you beleive he can change.
Give him a choice. Get clean...make him go to rehab if necessary. Or leave him!
If she starts smoking weed....her excuse will be that he does it so why cant I???
Good Luck!
2006-10-24 17:04:38 · answer #5 · answered by Sum12Love 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like to see people try to work out their problems before they get divorced but you can't force someone to quit anything and you do have to put your daughter first.
I would leave. You could always reconcile your relationship once he decided to quit smoking weed and quit cheating (he probably is).
2006-10-24 16:38:30 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he hasnt quit yet, he isnt going to anytime soon and your daughter isnt getting any younger. What kind of example would you be giving if you first try to tell her that is it wrong to do drugs and then stay with a man who continues to do it?? Please dont be so selfish and get yourself and your daughter out of this situation before she figures out that you're being a hypocrite. Good luck, this is a tough one I know.
2006-10-24 16:53:56 · answer #7 · answered by SittinPretty! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe if u leave for awhile it will make him realize that he wants to be with you and if he loved you he would stop smoking weed.. if he doent quit then hes no good for you anyways and you can find someone that is right for you ... everyone tells me life is to short not to be happy i know you may hurt him but do what is best for you and your daughter
2006-10-24 16:35:44 · answer #8 · answered by Cindy R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I think I would show him the door. You gave him a chance and he has proven that he does not "really" intend to change. I know it would be hard to do, but I think you have to put your daughter first. Who knows, maybe this will force him to quit. Good luck to you.
2006-10-24 16:36:46 · answer #9 · answered by ur_ave_joe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try talking to him let know that she watches his every move and he needs to help by setting an example an then you and him need to try and stay away from folks with that life style hopefully you boy can sit and talk to your child about that its a team effort good luck wish you the best
2006-10-24 17:13:31 · answer #10 · answered by texashorndawg6900 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋