ferberizing vs no cry method?

Question

okay, i'm totaly lost now. I've been made to feel horrible for even considering ferberizing my 11 month old son and in the same breath told about the no cry method. Briefly I was advised to try and sit in the room and read or sing to my son. Well, worth a shot right? who wants to hear their kid cry? well, I tried it tonight and not all it was cracked up to be!!! He screamed even harder then when I left the room in previous nights! It was like I was teasing him by sitting there and not taking him out. He threw his pacifier at me, he threw his blankie at me and even tried to climb out of his crib which he had never done when I left the room to let him self soothe! I tried it for a half an hour. I didn't know he could cry that much. It broke my heart. How is that better then the ferber method? I'm so very stuck on what to do. I don't want to feel like the worst mother of the year when I let him cry but I need answers and solutions...

Answer 1

Oh, no!! You are not the worst mom, you are the best mom for your baby! You are just going through a tough spot...
If you are serious about a no cry sleep solution you HAVE to get the book! It will give you more options and suggestions how to make it work for you and your little one. It's hard to make it work with just a brief suggestion from someone who tried a few things before they found the right solution.
I went through it with my little guy (21 months). We had some tough nights, but I (or his dad) can put him to bed and he'll go to sleep. We never did the "cry it out."
You need to trust your insticts and do what you feel is right. Find what feels right and make it work for you. Go to the library and look at these books before you buy.
I included a link to a sleep forum where lots of moms discuss all kinds of sleep issues. It will show you are not alone, they share lots of ideas, and I found it helpful!
Good luck momma! You're doing great!

Answer 2

Have you read The No Cry Sleep Solution?
http://www.amazon.com/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Gentle-Through/dp/0071381392/sr=8-1/qid=1161746866/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-6187768-4962531?ie=UTF8&s=books

My understanding is that the process that Pantley recommends takes a lot of patience and you will need to take time to establish new routines and really implement all of her techniques. It sounds like your baby was confused because in the past when you have been there, you've most likely picked him up. So he wasn't sure what was going on with this sudden change. If you haven't already, I would try to get a copy of the book and give it a thorough reading. Even if you decide not to follow all of Pantley's ideas, you may find some things that are helpful or interesting.

I would definitely continue to give some gentler sleep methods a try. I'm sorry that you had such a rough night last night.

Answer 3

Only you know what is best for your kids. An 11 month old definitely needs to know how to self soothe. If the no cry method isn't working for you then try something new. For me, the only thing that worked is letting my kids cry it out. It was tough at first but I knew what needed to be done and they are so much happier now for it. When I tell them it is bedtime they go right to bed. They don't whine, cry, or complain. Put your baby to bed happy. If he cries, wait it out for 5 minutes. Go in and comfort him but do not take him out of his room. Lay him back down and wait for 10 minutes. Usually by this time he will fall asleep. It may take up to a week but he will learn. Good Luck to you and remember, You and only you know what is best for your baby. Don't let complete strangers tell you that they know better!

Answer 4

I don't at all agree with letting a child "cry it out". I never did. I nursed them to sleep when they were babies, and when they were too old to be nursed I comforted them by letting them fall asleep in my arms and moving them back to their own beds later. The idea of letting a baby or toddler sit alone in a room and cry breaks my heart! My children are now 4 & 5 years old - they are well disciplined, not spoiled, and very out-going, confident, and affectionate. They still sneak in my room at night if they wake up sometimes, and that's okay. It won't be long before they're too old to be cuddled anymore. :)

Answer 5

We also kinda had this problem- my son is a year now. And around 11 months, I felt it was time that I put him down awake and not when he was fully asleep in my arms by rocking him. the first day of putting him in his crib- I kissed him and told him I loved him, and said, "ni nite" he repeats me sometimes when I say that. Well, of course, he cried and cried at the top of his lungs. I let it go for a half hour and had to pick him up- it broke my heart seeing him cry so hard. The next couple of nights, i just kept trying the same thing, i'd hold him for a minute, tell him I loved him and kissed him, and said ni nite. Soon after, it worked!!! So now he will finally lay down (if not in pain from teething) while still awake! Try to stick with it, try it every night. You'll learn what is a real hard cry, and a faker cry, that's how I judge on when to go get him.

Goodluck, it's hard work, but it should work. This was the same on taking him off the bottle just recently too- he would cry for the bottle, but be so hungry he'd take the sippy cup eventually!

P.S. the lady above me said she put her baby to bed with a bottle or sippy cup- that's very bad on their teeth, and a bad habbit all together, not good, and doctors really recommend u don't do that!

Answer 6

You're going to get a lot of conflicting answers to this question because there are as many different styles of parenting as there are parents. As for me, I NEVER let my kids "cry it out". If my heart told me to pick them up, I did. When my first 2 children were babies, I had a very big bedroom so their cribs were in there with me. They each started out in the stroller right next to my side of the bed. When they awoke and started to fuss, I would pick them up right away. After a week or two, I would just rub their backs and shhhhh them. They would settle and I would go prepare a bottle. I gradually moved them accross the room and then into the crib. They never cried at night.

Now I have a 15 month old daughter and a considerably smaller room. She sleeps in the bed with me. She never cries at night. She's breast feeding so it's very convenient having her next to me. If she wakes during the night, I just pop one out and it's anyone's guess which one of us will fall back to sleep first. She doesn't need a pacifier or any other security items. She has me, just like her sister and brother did.

I don't know anything about the "ferber" method you mentioned, but it doesn't sound like it's working for you. My advice to you is this: trust your own instincts. If it's breaking your heart to hear him cry and see him so upset, go to him. If your arms ache to hold him and offer comfort, pick him up and comfort him! You love him and he needs you. The author of the books your reading doesn't know your baby, you do! There is no blanket remedy for every problem with every child. Follow your heart and you won't feel like a bad mother. You're a loving mother who's gotten bad advice from a complete stranger. Do what YOU think is best for your son and you'll both be much happier for it! Good luck!

Answer 7

When my daughter was young, I always responded to her cries, because they were always for a reason. As she got older, I knew that sometimes, she was crying just to cry. Shes 19 months old now. When she was around 13 or 14 months, I had to implement the "just let her cry" method. She quickly learned that she cant cry just to make me let her out of bed. When I know she is full, dry, not sick, or having teething pain, I'll let her cry until she settles down. This doesnt happen often. She learned quickly that bed time is for sleeping and most of the time just rolls over and says "ny ny mama". Not trying to put her to bed before she is tired really helps. I try to usually have her down between 9 and 10. Sometimes, she will even go grab her blankie and walk into her room and say "ny ny" telling me that she is ready for bed now. It was hard for a couple of nights to just let her cry, but it would have been harder for both of us in the long run if I had taught her she could get her way by fussing. However, if your child is crying for as long as a half hour, maybe there really is something wrong, like cutting teeth. Check on him. If hes fine, maybe hes just strong willed. Or maybe you should let him stay up later. Might be nice for you anyway, cuz then he will sleep in. Just, whatever you do, dont give in if hes just fussing to fuss. Giving in even once, undoes all the learning he just did, and you will pay for it. He'll throw a tantrum, knowing that if he cries long enough, mommy will give in. Nip it in the bud now.

Answer 8

I know how you feel. People say it's cruel but it's not. I did it with my son at 6 months--he goes to bed when I put him down AND he doesn't wake up until the next morning. It wasn't cruel--he actually only cried for about 15 minutes and then he'd go to sleep. A week later--he didn't even cry at all. Chances are the people who made you feel horrible don't even understand. No, you don't let him "cry it out" for a month or years. It's approximately three days to a week. They sleep soundly after that. When the baby is left to "cry it out" they are fed, changed, and otherwise good to go--they aren't crying because they need to be comforted--they are crying because they are TIRED. Do what you feel is right. If you don't feel right letting him cry it out, don't. If you don't feel right using the "No-Cry" method don't. No one should tell you that you are doing wrong by your son when you are only TRYING to do what you feel is best. If you are a bad mother for letting him do that then I am one too--and several others. I was left to cry it out when I was a child and I really don't remember--I'm no worse for wear.

Answer 9

OK, honey, go get the book.

What you did was NOT the "no cry method". (You can tell. He was crying.)

Seriously go read the book before trying to blindly follow it. That was one "trick" out of an entire BOOK of things to do. And one that was not actually appropriate for the situation.

I've used the No Cry Sleep Solution succesfully, and know a number of mothers who got relief (and sleep) using it's methods after everything else (INCLUDING CIO) failed.

Answer 10

Our babies are born helpless, completely incapable of tending to any of their own needs. Where the idea came about that they belong in separate rooms, to cry themselves anywhere is beyond me. When you became a mother you signed on for the inconveniences too, crying is the only way they have to communicate and needing loving touch is a legitimate need, if all children needed was clean diapers and food than a robot could raise them. try a schedule and stick to it soon enough you baby will have his own life with friends and interests of his own, right now be there for him. My children age 3 and 2 they rarely cry and I attribute that to the fact that no matter what they know I will come for them, that gives them confidence and when they are full of confidence they tend not to cry or have trouble falling asleep.