If you feel anxious, belittled,betrayed, unappreciated, dumped on.......why is it so hard to let go? I know some of you have been with someone like this. You knew you should leave but you just couldn't. What should I do? How do I get the courage to leave?
2006-10-24 16:12:16 · 17 answers · asked by ♥2323vsb 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
because your emotions got the best of you and if you put that on the side and be more rational, it will make sense to do what will be good for you in the long run. good luck.
2006-10-24 16:15:20 · answer #1 · answered by Go For Broke 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a jerk of a boyfriend before I met my wonderful loving husband. For a while they were both fighting over me and I still had a hard time letting go of the relationship I had with the jerk to move on to something a million times better. Looking back I've tried to make sense of why it wasn't a no-brainer. This is what I've come up with...
First of all I blamed myself too much for everything (in part because he wouldn't take the blame for anything.) Thus I felt like he was a jerk to me because I truely deserved it. Perhaps in my mind that meant that this new, nice guy I found would also be a jerk once he got to know me better. I didn't deserve better.
Also I felt it was my responsibility to stick with him and help him be a better person. We were together for 2 years and I felt I needed to help him through all of his short-comings event though that meant I would be the one getting dumped on. It was a sacrifice I felt I owed him, mostly because of how I felt I was responsible for those short-comings and if I could just be better...etc.
All of this was nonsense and it is so clear for me to see that now. I am so lucky that a great guy came along to show me the light. I don't know if any of your reasonings are the same as mine were. I just want to say to you that you do deserve better and can find better. You're not with a jerk because you are a horrible person, you're only with a jerk because you haven't left yet. LEAVE, move on. Just don't look back, don't rationalize all the things that maybe you should try to do better. Remember I couldn't see clearly either when it was staring me in the face but hindsight is 20/20. Just get to a place where you can have that hindsight. Good luck.
2006-10-24 23:36:08 · answer #2 · answered by sussig0 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly why. In fact, the answer is pretty simple, in my eyes. Before I spit it out, I'll tell how I know this. My last girlfriend and I were together for about 15 months. She was a great girlfriend, and we got along great. There was no fighting or betrayal or being dumped on like you speak of, but I knew she just wasn't the right person for me. And I also had my personal reason for not wanting to be with her, that had nothing to do with her whatsoever. We almost broke up mutually a year before I finally broke up with her. During this year, I made three other attempts to break up with her, but I could never ultimately let her go. I never went through with it and stayed together. Why is this? I knew she wasn't right for me, yet I still went back to her. Here is your answer. It was comfortable. Not comfortable like my leather couch. I knew this girl very well, and being with her was what I knew. I didn't know what I would do or where I would go without her, even though that's what I wanted! It is so hard to let someone go even though you know they are not good for you because chances are you have gotten to know this person well and fallen in to some degree of comfort. To break it off would mean stepping out of this comfort zone you have created with this person. There has to be some connection with this person, despite the bad things in the relationship, if it difficult to let go otherwise it wouldn't be difficult to let go. This is just how I see it, this all in my own eyes.
2006-10-24 23:25:02 · answer #3 · answered by cagewalker 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am exactly like you.Why do women always get attracted to bad boys? Sweetie, one thing's for sure, if he's no good for you, run! Even if it means you'll go through a whole period of mourning, pining, loss of appetite, lack of sleep and most painful of all, the grieve of losing someone we love. You will be continuously wandering whehter it was a right choice and if it is, why does it hurt so much. But honey, think of it this way. It will be thorough spiritual and emotional healing in the long run and at the end of the day, it will be worth it and you would not regret it!! You will come out a stronger person and you will be proud of yourself. Good luck and best wishes!!
2006-10-24 23:22:26 · answer #4 · answered by angelheart 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It becomes like a bad habit you're so used to it seems strange and uncomfortable to make the change you know you must make. Habits are very hard to break but when you do, you will wonder why you waited so long and you'll feel like you've finally kicked all that dirt off after having been buried alive, and the fresh air feels so-o-o good.
2006-10-24 23:22:24 · answer #5 · answered by Bethany 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
we don't leave because we fear the unknown, we fear being alone. i stayed in a marriage 10 years and was controlled and manipulated,and hurt most of the time, but still i stayed, and tried to make the most of it. we have no self worth, or self esteem, we think there is no one else for us. but we do ourselves a great injustice by staying with a person like this, we comprimise ourselves because we fear we will be left, but chances are if we are being treated like this our spouse is already betraying us anyway.
2006-10-24 23:18:51 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My wife was like this with her ex! Leave now while you still can and file a PFA (protection from abuse) if you feel that he will come after you! best of luck to you and stay safe!
2006-10-24 23:20:44 · answer #7 · answered by Big Daddy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur the one will only know why u cant leave him..
think of the good things u shared together and also think of the bad things u shared together and got through and bad things when hes not there for u (when u felt alone). then balance it and decide..
use ur head.. not just ur heart.
2006-10-24 23:40:00 · answer #8 · answered by kenshi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remind yourself that he isn't the man that you want....that it will never last and the you need to stop being insecure and find your strength again.....go out with your girls, find a guy who is the opposite than what you have been dating.....seriously.......he will make it seem like you have no other choice but to be with him.....get away fast!!!
2006-10-24 23:18:43 · answer #9 · answered by ~MEEEOW~ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it happens more often then not
your comfortable w/ this person
but think HE will not be a good father when i want kids
so leave now before there is a mistake
2006-10-25 00:04:52 · answer #10 · answered by ez-goin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋