cannot hate, loves everyone, forgives easily, still does not hate the ones that hurt them. Cannot stay loyal in a relationship because of what happened to them. and doesnt know how to overcome the insecurity or the fear of commitment and finnally let go of what the thought they'd let go of allready? I guess i dont know how to ask what im asking but if you can relate, you allready understand what im getting at. When your memories are not sharp but dull from your own mental defense to protect you. When your not sure what is truth or lie in your own memories because of the fairy world you made up as a child to protect you...Does anyone understand? Im trying to understand myself. Im also a Gemini (if that has any meaning)
2006-10-24 16:09:22 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You can't hate (and thats a strong word) because your history of abuse seeks to only please others, and this is also why you love ( again a strong word) others forgive easily, a learned behavior to gain the affection all humans crave. Learning to over come your insecurities is difficult because you learned this from those whos purpose was to protect you!
Your fear of commitment relates to the fact that those that you loved the most in the world abuse you, so when you begin to love someone, you feel you are not worthy of being loved, and if you where sexual abused (?) then you connect sex as a expression of love, so in adult relationships when other issues arise, you seek sexual partners in search of that love.
Also you continue to use the coping methods of a fairy-tale world.........so if your "Knight in shining Armor" turns out to be just a regular person, you feel he won't be-able to protect you.
You have been taught a false perception of what is normal, on one extreme the abuse and on the other your coping methods you used to protect yourself from this abuse ( to hide the abnormal from those you saw as having a normal home).
Its time that you learn normal coping methods, emotions and behaviors. Stop trying to understand yourself. Accept that you where not dealt the best poker hand, but this dosen't mean you can't win the game!
I could suggest Theapy( and if you feel you really can't do it on your own, by all means seek help), but at times theapist can tredge up crap you don't need to remember or know!
To over come this......look at what coping methods you need to keep and what you need to toss out.
Make a conscience effort everyday to look at youself in the mirror and say " I am proud that I have overcome such a terrible childhood to be a great adult person".
" I know that I still love those that hurt me because they are the sick ones', But I don't have to like what they did"
"That I am no longer a child, but a grown up person, and I am nolonger going to allow them to control my emotions, how I behave, and I do not need them to make me feel loved"
You have to start by learning to love yourself.......and being proud of your self.........that you have a purpose in this world, that others can not make you feel happy..........only enhance your happiness.
That what they did to you as a child is over, you are nolonger a child and you refuse to let them have any power over your feelings anylonger.
One of the things that helped me to get over childhood abuse!
I pissed on my Father grave! So he could know what it was like to be helpless and unable to fight back !
Maybe as stone cold in his grave he never felt..........but a least I felt better! And I cared not that this would be viewed as a derogatory defimation against him!
2006-10-24 17:11:12 · answer #1 · answered by pirate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand what you're getting at. My parents were very harsh and were not very good parents overall. I used to be in a marriage where I was constantly put down and treated like an object. Now I've put all that behind me and I keep looking toward the future, not the past.
2006-10-24 16:13:25 · answer #2 · answered by Blue Jean 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
remembering isn't always a good thing. yesterday is just that, it's in the past. the day called tomorrow may surprise you. recovery comes in baby steps, the first one is exactly that, but it leads to a second. try to forget your past and learn from it but don't let it rule you or ruin your future. think about those worse off than you and smile at someone and say hello that you normally wouldn't. you may be in pain but your ability to love and forgive is still there so maybe your past took a toll but it obvviously didn't take your soul. forget the idiots and bad in the past, remember, baby steps. don't think too hard, it drives people crazy. good luck to you, hang in there, it isn't as hard as you think.
2006-10-24 16:22:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hurt you once shame on them,, hurt you twice shame on YOU!!! Find ways to not others hurt you in the first place.. Or your enabling the hurt!
2006-10-24 16:11:44 · answer #4 · answered by kitkatish1962 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
no im rich
2006-10-25 12:14:15 · answer #5 · answered by Kelly Bundy 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
like wat is ur question
2006-10-24 16:13:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋