I am married and my kids father and I have always been friends, for about 15 yrs now however he's was incarerated when I got married now that he is out my husband is really paranoid which is causing alot of friction in the household, and he no longer wants me to be friend with this dude,
by the way my kids father and I have never had a serious relationship it was just casual sex every now and then.
Should I let my husband tell me rather i should be friends with him or not?
2006-10-24 16:06:33 · 25 answers · asked by eutaw29048 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If it really bothers him then I think you should respect that and either work the issue out, or stop seeing the other guy.
2006-10-24 16:09:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are married now with a family. This person will always be the father of your child, children. This is where it should stop!
Men and Women do not have a friendly relationship when there are others involved.
Your ex just got out of jail, meaning unless he is gay he is sniffing around. He will go to those from his past he is comfortable around, easier then trying to find someone he dose not no and trying to explain he just got out of jail (most women do not see this as a turn on). Other words he will use you if and only if you let him. Saying all the things he knows you will fall for.
Your husband is paranoid, well ya he is!! He has a BIG investment in you and the kids! A heart is not something you play with.
Let your husband tell you what you should already no? This is a maturity thing you need to work on. Just because someone has kids does not make them mature. This comes with time.
Listen to your husband, he loves you and it sounds like took in you and your kids. If he did not love you and the kids he would not be paranoid, or even concerned!
Do the right thing stick with your husband....
2006-10-24 23:18:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on a few things. It sounds like your husband loves you and your children a great deal. If you told your husband you had casual sex with this man I can see how he might be paranoid. Some people can have casual sex and some people can't. He may think you are still capable of doing that. If you love your husband I'd say stay away from the father unless your husband is with you. It's just respecting his feelings it doesn't mean your let him boss you around. Also the fact that he just got out of jail or prison doesn't make him a top notch person to be friends with. Depending on the reason he was put in jail that is.
2006-10-24 23:16:09 · answer #3 · answered by forevereverizmine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough situation.
I believe it's important to respect the wishes of your spouce, especially if it is causing friction. Yes, you have a connection with your ex, and he has a right to see his children, but there is no "reason" you need to keep having a friendly relationship with him - even if it seems "harmless," because it isn't - it's affecting your present marriage.
I don't think your husband is paranoid or overreacting. Turn the situation around - what if it was your husband who had children with another woman and she had just been released from jail. Would you want your husband spending time with her?
You have entered into a different chapter of your life when you chose to marry your husband. And although a husband should not controll his wife by any means, there were vows you both took to honor and cherish one another. If that means he feels uncomfortable with you having a relationship with your ex and wants you to honor his wishes, then so be it. Is having a relationship with your ex worth breaking up your marriage?
Ultimately, the decision is up to you.
2006-10-24 23:26:02 · answer #4 · answered by AutumnLilly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are actually thinking of ignoring your husband? The guy helps you raise kids from a relationship you describe as "casual sex every now and then". Somehow, you are still friends with the guy, who is soon to be an ex-con. What value is there in the relationship?
You are disrespectful to your husband to maintain a friendship with such a loser. You demean your marriage. You should respect what you have with your husband and put that guy in the past.
2006-10-24 23:14:47 · answer #5 · answered by WJ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, your husband needs to understand your friend is a father of your kids and you two are friends for a long time. He will be in your life whether your husband likes it or not because of children. You and your husband need to sit down and talk about situation instead of letting him tell you to get rid of your friend. I feel its great that you and father of your children keeping good relationship! Try to make your husband understand you love him only and your children's father is just a dear friend. Does your friend is in relationship?? If he is, let your husband know that and tell him there is nothing to worry about. Sometimes guys have too much pride and ego. It may be hard for you to make him understand... Maybe you should include your husband when you plan a get together w/ your friend and have him let your husband know that you two are just good parents for your children and friends. Good luck!
2006-10-24 23:18:40 · answer #6 · answered by sunflower222 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me, this sounds like a very complex situation, with a child involved and a man that was incarcerated, (for what? is he dangerous?), and another man that is paranoid. Do you have to let him tell you if you can be friends or not so you can keep things peaceful? what will happen if you continue your friendship? , and you say it was just casual and nothing serious, does he feel that way also? was it more serious to him?
I think that if there is some family counseling or social agency available maybe you should think about contacting them.
Best of Luck!
2006-10-24 23:18:49 · answer #7 · answered by Janni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has every right to feel paranoid or jealous of the situation. It is for the safety of your child (even though the child is not his) and his love for you. Sounds like you still have feelings for this man...it is up to you if you want to stay friends with him. If it will cause problems in your family you should really reconsider being his friend. Also if you guys can just get together and talk about it, that's great too. But if all else fails you will need to choose. and no one can tell you who to choose. It's up to you...
2006-10-24 23:14:28 · answer #8 · answered by Lor 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be scared to death of him to tell you the truth. You are married now. If you believe that your child's ex-con father has some kind of visitation rights, then that is up to you. I agree with your husband, you should have nothing but the very basic contact with this guy. If my wife wanted to hang around people that have been in prison, I would freak out. I don't like her to go to Safeway alone after dark! Sorry, but I am with your husband on this one.
2006-10-24 23:12:59 · answer #9 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can lets the kids see there father with out continuing the friendship. this will make your hubby happier , since that is the best thing to do, and the kids can still have a dad. in the long run making your husband happy will make your life easier and your marriage stronger.
2006-10-24 23:12:20 · answer #10 · answered by jess l 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, i mean how would u like it if ur husband was still talking to his ex girlfriend...It would make u uncomfortable. SO think about how he feels. U and your baby's daddy should be on good terms for ur childrens sake, but respect him, and in turn u will get the same respect. Its does not seem like he is trying to control ur life, so dnt take it that way
2006-10-24 23:13:17 · answer #11 · answered by Lady G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋