How do Iive without fullfilling my dreams?

Question

Here is my situation. I finally after years of trying, have a chance to fulfill my dream of going to school and getting an education in something that I have wanted since I was a kid. My wife knew this since the day we met, only because I didnt want to hide anything from her. This is the perfect opportunity seeing as how we have no bills, kids or debts. I really want to live my dream but she has given me the "me or education" ultimatum. I have a really great paying job at the time but I am miserable and have only stayed with it to save up for school. I really dont want to loose her but I also dont want to give up my dream. I dont think I can stay in my position at work till I retire 40 years from now but the money makes her happy. I dont know what to do, I am really stuck

I forgot to add, I have come up with a perfectly reasonable and legalsource of income that equals my income now but only work half of the time leaving time for us to keep on living our lives. That is the other reason for staying so long in my profession so that I can be lisenced to do it on my own.

Answer 1

can't you work nights and still keep your job?..she is probably worried you won't have enough money..talk it over

Answer 2

Is there any way the two of you can compromise? For many women, (me included) financial security is one of the most important things in their lives. You say you have no debts or bills, and that is a big plus in your favor in your desire to pursue the education. Is it possible for you to go to school and work at the same time? Will she be willing to see less of you and you her if you decide on that option? Will you be able to take the hectic schedule and homework responsibilities? Is she working now? If not, can she get a job to help with the bills while you are in school? I don't think she has an objection to the education, but she is afraid of losing her security.
See if there is a way the both of you can work it out so that she doesn't have to worry about where the next meal is coming from if you go to school. I definitely think you should pursue the education. There is a solution, you just have to think creatively to try and figure out what it is. I know how miserable it is to stay in a job you hate and feel trapped in a job you feel you have no choice in. I don't think there is a more impotent feeling in the world than feeling like a wage slave. It might behoove her to consider if she actually leaves you over the issue, her financial security will go down the toilet anyway. She is just desperate to maintain the status quo. Understandable, but not very smart.
Best wishes. I hope you two can find a compromise.

Answer 3

Honey, I hate to say this, but you answered your own question. You said "the money makes her happy". Aren't you suppose to be what makes her happy? I just can't see how this would work. Suppose you lost your job...then what? You'd have no education to fall back on for anything else. Then, having this be a dream of yours...that one kills me. Who is she to deny you your life dream? I'm sure you've talked about this before, and she was aware of it. It's not fair for her to assume that you weren't serious. She's being selfish....very selfish. And here's why I think so. I have 5 children. I've been married many years. During the last twelve years, I have been bustin my butt raising babies and going to school so that when my last child was in school, I could rejoin the workforce. Now, this was our plan. During this time, my husband (already educated) worked long hours in a job that he's hated all this time just because the money was good. Well, this year, the baby finally entered kindergarten, so I rejoined the workforce working for the state (Social work, odd hours, crummy pay...but it was my dream). My husband is now going to go back to school at his age (40 something) to become a school teacher. It's something he's always wanted to do, but because of the kids and finances, we weren't able to allow that. Now I could be like your wife and complain because with both of us working, the money would be great...but what right would I have? Just like social work was my dream, teaching is his...and he's going to do it. The point is, that money isn't everything and you could do this the "right" and responsible way by going to school now before you add on the stress of children and more bills, or do it later, after the kids come along and struggle the entire time. Or worse, you could not do it at all, be bitter and resentful and watch your marriage crumble because monetary pleasures are out weighing the important things in life.....and that's just living. Honey, if you truly love your wife, have her read some of these answers. I can't imagine anyone telling you that she's right. Get her to see the importance of the things that matter and will mean more in the long run. SHed some light on how her need for instant gratification isn't going to make this relationship last. If she still gives you the ultimatum, let her go. It's her loss. You sound like a man who has his head on straight, it will be easy to find someone who loves you for you and believes in your hopes and dreams as much as you do. I wish I had an easy answer, but when emotions are involved, things are never black and white. There is always that gray area that makes us hesitate in doing what needs to be done. I wish you well and good luck on the dream!

Answer 4

It's hard to break out of a marriage but your wife doesn't sound as "into you" as she should be. She's more into herself. If you aren't/weren't/haven't been giving her much attention then I could see why she's doing the ultimatum thing. Just give her more attention, appreciation and affection. If you're already doing that then she's simply not being supportive of you and not willing to change "her" lifestyle. It's really up to you what you want to do with your life. I think you are right to want to work at something you would enjoy doing. You could be making a million bucks a month and be miserable or you could make 15 thousand a year and be happy. Hmm...

Answer 5

This is obvious. You need to live your life in a way that makes you fulfilled. (Of course, she has that right too.) If she's not supporting you with this, she's even failing as a friend, let alone a lover and wife.

Call her bluff. Don't try to argue your case--let her see you filling out the application forms, or tell her after you've mailed them in. Tell her you need this for yourself, to be happy in life. Ignore every bit of manipulation she tries - even if she leaves a note and disappears for a few days. She'll probably be back. If not, she's not worth it, because she doesn't respect you.

And BTW, I quit a job that made me miserable, depressed, and nearly suicidal - and found one that I love that makes me happy. My life is so much better - and I couldn't have imagined sticking out the old one for 40 years. You need to do this.

Answer 6

My grandpa told me once, always follow your dreams, do what you want to do, because living with regret is a slow and painful death.... and let me tell you, from personal experience, it really is.
So, follow your dreams and if your wife really loves you, then she will support you. If she doesn't, then you need to follow your dreams anyway. You can get over heartache, but not regret.
Good Luck!
Aloha!!

Answer 7

having a education is so important,this is something you always wanted for yourself.you should follow your dreams.your wife should support you not give you a ultimatum. good luck

Answer 8

without objectives, we will do not have any relaxing. objectives are once you imagine about something staggering that would want to not in any respect ensue to you in authentic life. were so wrapped up in fable and objectives help us to imagine. and evidently, you in a number of of situations like telling your persons the morning after about the dream you had about your weigh down ;)

Answer 9

No kids??? Get rid of her now while you can, sounds harsh but she doesn't sound very supportive.

Answer 10

She is not being reasonable. Take the education.

Why is divorce so expensive?.........Because it is worth it!