Coming out (FtM)... Please Help.?

Question

Just recently, my friends and I have come to the realization that I do REALLY REALLY want FtM trans surgery. The only problem is, I'm quite young, so I need my parent's permission and money. Being Christians, I really feel like they might abandon me. I've asked before, and they said they never would, but they don't know what I'm talking about.
I suppose another issue is that, though I do want surgery, I am truthfully not gay or lesbian. It's very, very complex, and I don't want my folks to jump to conclusions. The word has also been spreading around my school, so it might reach the principal. Only one of my pals really respects my desicion, but I face depression that is mainly caused by my gender. I honestly have no idea what I should do now... Some of my friends want me to tell my parents and others don't. Please comment if you have any suggestions or useful information. Thank you.

Answer 1

I will answer this question as if you are in the USA. The possibilities in other countries may differ.

Gender re-assignment surgery is a big step, and one that requires much preparation. You need to know that the first rule of being a doctor in the US is "Do No Harm." That means that for any action they take, they need to be convinced that their treatment will not create greater problems for their patient. In the US, no surgeon would be willing to perform this operation on an adolescent without not only permission from your parents but also collaboration from a counselor and probably a psychiatrist (a doctor who specializes in mental health) that this was absolutely the best course to follow.

The first thing you absolutely need to do is find yourself a qualified counselor or psychologist. Your statement that you came to this realization "just recently" will force all the professionals to put the brakes on any surgery until you have fully explored all that has led you to this decision. As much as you are able, you will need to start living as a male long before the surgery. Your counselor can help you determine the best time and way to tell your parents and other family members. They will have a lot to learn, too, as will you, over the course of the next several years.

There are many counselors who specialize in this kind of therapy, and there are support groups in most high schools for those who are LGBT (the "T" stands for "Transgendered"). Seek out these resources. The irony of being transgendered is that you need more support than most people, but because it is a poorly understood condition, support is often hard to come by. Therefore it is more important to focus on those resources that are particularly attuned to helping people who struggle with similar conditions.

One final word. You are going to change. That's inevitable. I will tell you, however, that many people change enough psychologically through psychotherapy that they choose not to undergo gender-reassignment surgery. Others find that psychotherapy actually prepares them for the surgery. Get yourself to a counselor who will help you find your best course of action without dictating it.

And good luck as you go along.

Answer 2

I suggest that you look in the phone book, or go access the library's free internet service, or call a local support group or hotline in your area, i'm not sure where you live, but there is help out there honey. Nobody has the right to tell you what you feel, however, it helps to talk to others that have (for lack of a better term" ) been there-done that, you know?If your parents are Christians, then they should seek counseling through the church to deal with THEIR feelings about yours.Let those without sin cast the first stone, right? Good Luck in whatever you decide honey, just let it be a VERY informed decision.God will love you as Teresa OR Terry, he formed you in the womb and knows your heart.

Answer 3

wow that's a complicated situation. I guess I would start with trying to bring up the topic of transsexuals. (hey mom I have a friend that's trans....) Once the situations is brought up just see how she reacts to the situation. If she reacts in positive manner then it might be good time then to let her know. It still might be a bit of shock but if she's open-minded enough to accept it in other people she will eventually come around to fully support you. If she's kinda neutral about continue to subtly bring it up until it becomes obvious how she feels Otherwise you might want to hold back for a while. It may suck now, but just think how fun it will be at your high school reunions and laughing at everyone's reactions when they find out their friend Megan is now their friend, Kyle, Steve, or George. Good luck!!!

Answer 4

If possible, perhaps you could try to find a counselor who understands these issues to help you figure out what to do and to talk about it with your parents. I can only imagine how complex this could be and how difficult it might be for your parents to understand. But you will want their support if at all possible so I would try to find a qualified professional to help you all as a family.

Answer 5

it's a horrible situation that your in hon and as harsh as it maybe on other people you gotta think of yourself on this one. if the folks around you care, all they should want is the best for you. Sometimes it doesn't go to plan i came out 2 yrs ago and i ended up paying a heavy price for it, but i can safely say I'm a lot happier now.

Answer 6

There's something you have to realize, and you're not going to like what I say.

You're young. You're confused. This doesn't mean what you're feeling isn't real, or important.

Your parents love you. As Christians, their love for you is unconditional, but "unconditional love" doesn't mean letting you do whatever you want to do. Believe it or not, our parents are often wiser than we are.

I strongly encourage you to question these complex feelings you're having. There are groups out there who have political and social agendas and they're ready to fill your head with ideas, such as getting transgender surgery (which is irreversible) just because they think you were born with some sort of "other identity". Don't believe it.

We become what we think about.

In other words, STOP! Stop cultivating this idea that you're a man inside. You're not. If in your mind you don't fit some sort of feminine ideal, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Don't buy into politically-correct mythology. You're smart. Find another path.

Answer 7

Be who you are. But I'm sorry you should not be able to make a decision this big (surgery) until you are 18, and in my opinion you should wait until you are at least 21.

Answer 8

parents, family, and friends should accept you how you are. if you would be happy getting the surgery then do it. when you grow up you will see that how you live your life is your decision no one elses.