I've been hanging out with a new bunch of people who dont really like my boyfriend, and bcoz they dont invite him around too he has now said I cant go to their house. I do not agree with people who try to make someone choose between one friend or another and normally would just stop seeing the person who tried to ask that of me. Also he did not like them in the first place, that is why i dont take him with me to see them. Should I listen to him or tell him to grow up?
2006-10-24 15:49:42 · 17 answers · asked by zimba 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I am a 23 year old man. I have had two serious relationships, and they were both wonderful and BALANCED. This doesn't sound like it is heading down a good path. To answer your question, it is wrong for anyone to his or her significant other with whom he or she can be friends. Maybe this guy you are with is insecure on some level. I'm just speculating, however, that doesn't really matter. What you need to do (in my eyes) is to tell him, word for word:
"You have two choices. One, don't ever tell me with whom I can be friends ever again, and continue to be my boyfriend. Or two, if you can't do this, piss off we're done."
I am dead serious here. If he's telling whom you can and can't be friends with now, think about what he may be telling you down the road. You make a stand here and give him this ultimatum. If these friends you speak of are close friends, they'll always be there for you. A boyfriend can't always promise you that. You can email me if you want.
2006-10-24 16:05:34 · answer #1 · answered by cagewalker 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh my! Beware! These types will try to change U completely! U are who U were when he met U. He knew U had these friends b4 becoming serious with U. He should respect U and not change U nor run U. If anyone of my friends or husband had tried that...bye bye to them as they don't seem to play well with others. My ex husband started out like that with me in the beginning and in the end of marriage...beatings and could not leave home with out his friend/neighbor calling him up telling him and following me (as I was on foot cuz he took keys to my car). Do your self the favor... enjoy your life the way U want with whom U want and not be ran by another as it only will get worse once U let it start. I would tell U what to tell him but that would just be another telling U how to live your life. Good luck on what ever U decide to do.
2006-10-24 22:57:57 · answer #2 · answered by any1on 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer to this is understanding what boyfriend and girlfriend mean. Above all it means that you are not bound to each other.
While we tend to think of each other that way it really isn't.
Now if you were married and this happened I would hope you sided with your husband because he is your life partner. But as it is you really don't have to side with anyone.
That said I would want to know why your boyfriend does not like them and why they don't like him. Once you know what is between them you may have the answer.
You have to know that your new friends will insure that you see your boyfriend in a new light. Sounds like they already have to some extent. Do you think this is lost on him?
So....who is more important to you? You new friends or your boyfriend? If both then tell your boyfriend that you have no problem with him having other friends so he should let you have yours.
2006-10-24 23:02:06 · answer #3 · answered by John B 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he is not really trying to be controlling, it could be he is hurt that your friends don't like him and you are invited and he is not. I know that if I care about someone I would like my friends to accept him and would hope he would want his friends to accept me. I guess the question is, are you OK with the fact that your friends and boyfriend do not like each other and you have to divide your time between them, or would you rather that you would all get along? You could talk to your friends and ask them, for you, would they try to accept him and see the good things in him that you see. Then talk to him and tell him that he and your friends are all important to you and could he try to give your friends another chance....If they all care for you, then they already have something in common.
Good luck, hope it turns out for the best. (and remember, guys don't usually like to show their insecurities or emotions sometimes they will act tough and demanding when they are just hurt or insecure)
2006-10-24 23:07:38 · answer #4 · answered by Janni 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its beyond wrong. Nobody no matter who they are or what they are to you has any business telling you who you can see or be friends with and who you cant. Its their own insecurity and they need to deal with that problem not try keep control of another person. Its a recipe for disaster to try to control another person. If you love someone you set em free to be who they want and if they truly love you theyll come and be with you no matter what or who else is available.
2006-10-25 09:32:29 · answer #5 · answered by Eoin B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to grow up. You have the right to hang out with whoever you want. If you really like these new friends and they really like you then who is your boyfriend to tell you what to do? Tell him you can spend time with him and them, you shouldn't have to make the choice.
2006-10-24 22:57:37 · answer #6 · answered by nevermind_my_id 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have mixed feelings about this. If these people are antagonistic toward him, he might feel they want you away from him and will try to talk you away from him. I think a guy has the right to dump a girl based on whom she is friends with, but of course he shouldn't be telling you not to go to people's houses as though he controls you, especially if he has not offered you the right to direct him in that way. (You shouldn't ask him to do so though.)
2006-10-24 22:57:40 · answer #7 · answered by Robert B 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He has no more right to tell you with whom you can be friends, than a woman does to tell a man with whom he can associate -- though women do it all the time as well.
It looks to me like your deliberate choice to associate with people who don't like your boyfriend is a real slap in the face to him, which makes me wonder why you call him your boyfriend when his feelings mean nothing to you.
He clearly understands this, though he doesn't seem to know the correct solution is to drop you like a hot potato, not try to tell you to avoid them.
2006-10-24 22:54:03 · answer #8 · answered by retiredslashescaped1 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If they are good friends, and aren't destructive to your life, tell your boyfriend to "suck it up Princess. These are my friends. I put up with the people you hang around with, so get used to it." If he has a fit, he's not worth wasting your time on. Do not let him run your life..that's a huige sign of an over-possessive man.
2006-10-24 22:52:37 · answer #9 · answered by firefighter 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't your friends like him? Can they see something you don't see? The first step in controlling someone is separating them from their friends. Be careful!
2006-10-24 22:52:14 · answer #10 · answered by Da Bomb 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋