the woman at work?

Question

her husband is my husbands mate, and she is known to be a bit of a loudmouth, she likes to show people up in front of others by insulting them, anyways she works in the same place as me, and recently i decided to change my hair, my fringe had grown so i decided to put it back off my face and dye it a different colour, i got nice comments from people but this one just wont shut up about it, she said i looked old, i don't suit it, it makes me look pale and gaunt, every time i see her she mentions it, she does this infront of people and it embarasses me so much, i recently lost 3 stone, i gained it after i went on HRT, so i felt really self concious because i have always been smaller and i lost confidence for a while, i had a hard time dealing with the weight gain and did something about it, she either does not like me or she's jealous, should i tell her to shut it, or should i ignore her, she's making me fell like bad all the time, but i smile at her and say nothing, suggestions please?

the reason why i mentioned my weight gain was because when i gained it, my self esteem dropped dramatically and i found it hard to face people, i guess i am just a sensitive soul, it took me a while to actually gain confidence again because people mocked me, but this one just keeps bringing me down, i have tried to rise above it, but she has brought me to tears so many times, my confidence is coming back slowly, but it dos not help when she is jabbing a me all the time i dont need the hassle, what i am trying to do is build my confidence and be happy again, she's just not helping with her attitude towards me

Answer 1

next time she has a go at you ask her why she is so bothered by you,(make sure you have an audience) it sounds to me as if she is the one with a problem . make her feel really stupid in front of other people, she will think twice about having a go if you do this every time. she is a bully and get her kicks out of putting you down because she feels crap about herself!!!!!!!!!
you don't have to put up with crap from her just cause her hubby is mates with your hubby!!!!!

Answer 2

Have you spoken to your husband about it? And what did he say?
I think you should tell her about how you feel. Or she will not stop. She is probably not jealous or disliking you, but that's just how she is. And she doesn't realise that she is making you feel the way you feel now. I am sure that other people at your work must be thinking that she is slightly annoying too.
It's your hair you changed, and as long as you are happy with it, what's the problem with it? She doesn't need to tell you for what you do with your hair, does she? You are not her daughter, you know. Besides if other people told you that it looks nice on you, then why should she be going on about it in front of them, as if she wants to be different and prove her point to them? She's being annoying.
As for the weight you lost and gained, please don't worry about it. This happens. I know it feels different and you feel self conscious about it, because I have lost and gained weight many times before. But after all, difference of just a few stones doesn't make you look different, unless it is making you look nicer.
Good luck.

Answer 3

i think you've had some really good, positive answers here honey, this woman may just be a bitter person in general and only knows what miserable is, you were low in self esteem when you gained your weight BUT may i congratulate you on the loss of the weight, it is very hard, maybe changing your hair was to boost your confidence too, to make you feel better after the weight loss, so don't worry about what she says to you, if i were you i would just ignore her, or tell her that you like it and don't care if she doesn't, keep your head up luv, be confident in yourself and carry yourself with poise, if you say anything back to her then your only stooping to her levels, let her gripe and snipe, keep your chin up and ignore her, she will move onto someone else and leave you alone, tell her it's getting tedious now and to change the subject if she's really doing your head in, but my suggestion is to ignore her, she seems very jealous of you

Answer 4

I think you are worried that, if you say anything to this woman, she will tell her husband and this will affect his relationship with your husband. You may be worrying that if the men fall out over this, that your husband will, in some way, "blame " you.

If that's the case, you need to let your husband know how awful you have been feeling as a result of the way this woman speaks to you, and tell him that you are going to have to deal with it.

Then, the next time she says anything belittling or negative, you say to her something along the lines of: " I feel that it must be very important to you that I hear your opinion on my appearance. I believe that you don't think my hairstyle is very flattering to me, now that my face is slimmer. Have I got that right?" When she tells you her opinion again, thank her. "I am fairly sure that I understand your point of view on this subject now. Your opinion, and the opinions of other colleagues are very valuable. I respect the opinions of others, even if I choose not to agree with them." This is assertive, non-confrontative, and she would have to work hard to find a way to take exception to it. But it makes your point - "I hear you, but I don't agree. I understand your viewpoint so you won't need to restate it."

You have to take the reins here. You have to be in the driving seat. If you don't want to feel bad, you don't have to. You know how you look. You know, because others have told you but, more importantly because you can see for yourself, that you look better now. Your opinion is at least as valid as anyone else's. Don't allow her negativity to be the influence you choose to sway your own good sense and your well-being.

As for the husbands; they will have there own rules about what they allow to get in the way of their relationship with each other. They can decide for themselves whether or not to allow a difference of opinion between their wives, (- and that's what we have here - a difference,- ) to affect their friendship.

As they say here in Cumbria - "Get her tell't, lass!"

Answer 5

It sounds to me that she is jealous.
don't let her get to you, if you let her know how she acts bothers you she will carry on. If she See's she is getting no reaction from you she will get fed up and move to her next target.
and seriously , What she is doing is bullying.
Someone needs to have a word with her supervisor and try to get it stopped, if nothing is done by the bosses. keep a dairy for a few weeks detailing what where and when everything has been said. including your complaint to the boss . then leave your job and sign on the sick with stress after a few weeks leave and go see a solicitors and sue your company for not helping you if nothing is done after you complain you have a case for constructive dismissal wherein the job became unworkable due to bullying which they failed to address .

Answer 6

Well next time in an open forum,, around others repeat this, " Most people who find fault in others are really pointing out their own faults" Then walk away! I bet that would shut her up for good.

Answer 7

She sounds jealous. Either tell her to mind her own business or pick a fault with her appearance and mention it to her. That should shut her up!

Answer 8

she seems like the insure one to me.

Why would she say all these things and insult you up if she wasn't trying to make her self feel better, but the fact is she's just showing herself up.

people like her eventually fall flat on there face, whats better is if you bide your time she'll get her comeuppance and you can smile to yourself knowing she got her just deserts.

As it's someone you know i would keep quite, bite your tongue and wait for the come back, enjoy the moment when it happens. (as it always does).

p.s congratulations on your wight loss!

Answer 9

next time she makes a negitave comment.. ask her why she is always so negitve?
if she makes you feel bad again say to her... "I like my hair this way, I guess its a good thing you dont have to wear it if you dislike it so much. Dont let people run all over you. Sounds like you need to set some boundries so you arent taking in everything that she is sending your way.

Answer 10

sometimes you just got 2 join people at their own game - if she hasnt changed her hair in a while why not thell her that its getting old...i personally think she is jealous maybe she had no attention as a child and is getting it now...you should ask her this in front of everyone