i cant believe this is happening..?

Question

i really need help and advice right now. i can't eat or sleep or even work at work to my best abilities because i'm so torn apart.

my bf and i have been together for almost three years. saturday i chose to be the designated driver for him and his friends. well i was 10 minutes late and i figured well there was no set time to get to the party so it will be okay. my bf flipped out on me and i took him to the party anyway and he didnt speak to me the entire night. i took him home and we just argued..he wasnt drunk when i took him home. he said i dont care about his feelings because i make him late all the time. even if there isnt a set time he wants to get to things early. well he is refusing to talk to me now. its been almost 4 days and he never ignores me like this. he wont talk to me about it. i do care about him deeply and about his feelings..i just dont know what to do. i've tried talking to him i have sent him letters..he said he read them...but he still can't make up his mind

he called me last night telling me he doesnt know what he wants anymore..he needs to think about things and needs to think if he wants to stay with me or not. he needs to understand that i was brought up this way. my family and i were never on time for anything..his family is opposite. i told him i've changed for the better and he said that's the problem that he needed to change..he just wanted me to be on time. i told him i will be but he still wont talk to me. i dont know what to do anymore. im sitting here hurting wondering what his final decision will be. he talks to me like we are just friends now and i hate it. he bairly talks to me at all.

others say it's an excuse to break up with me...that i was late..and there is another reason but he is scared to hurt me with the truth. i really need help i dont know what to do!!

Answer 1

I understand u but he needs time to cool off he sound like a person that gets mad easily and is hyper. Just eat,sleep and work your best he'll talk to u do not worry you have been friends 4 3 years. He'll cool off. If he has babyish behavior let him go and say come talk to me when you have the status of an adult.The other thing u can do is leave him alone and never talk to him and later see if he can handle the prob between you 2. It is like he has u around his finger he has you in his palms. Wateva his final decision is do not take it hard if he wants to break up, he is missing a wonderful person in his life that he is going to let go remember that.

Answer 2

It seems that there are several issues going on here.
If your bf's behavior is completely out of the norm, then there might be something else bothering him. You said he expressed that he didn't think you cared about his feelings - I think that's part of the underlying issue. Being late was the "straw that broke the camel's back" It could be he feels you neglect his needs, or, he could be going through a troubling time and every little inconvenience is overwhelming. So, what might have been a minor incident of being ten minutes late turns into a week-long ordeal of not talking to eachother.

I would tell him how you feel in the most compassionate and caring way you know how - be conciencious of his feelings and his space. If he needs time alone to think, then respect his wishes. If you respect him, hopefully, he will respect you.

Answer 3

It definately sounds like a sorry excuse. What ever the underlying excuse to break up with you is, if he dont tell you- you wont know. You dont need to be with someone you cant talk to, communication is the most important thing in a relationship. Look at the world around you-people cant survive with out communication. Babies have mental problems if they dont have physical commication, they thrive on touch. The deaf communicate with their hands. The blind communicates with their sense of touch. You see everyone has communication, just in different forms. IF you and your boyfriend cant communicate its time for quits. Try to leave him alone, and go on with your life. Make sure he knows you will be fine without him and you can move on with your life. You might be suprised- he might come begging at your door. Being on time is important, but you shouldnt be verbally abused by being late going to a party. Thats insane.

Answer 4

Sounds like he has something or someone else on his mind. There's more to the root of this problem than what he's saying. If they won't talk, they won't talk or they'll make up something and sometimes turn the problem around so you're at fault. He sounds fishy to me. What's your gut instinct telling you? You may have had some "red flags" going up for quite some time and just been ignoring them. Take a closer look at the whole relationship. And take care of yourself, do what's best for you not him.

Answer 5

He is emotionally blackmailing you right now. How much longer are you going to put up with being treated this way? If he's not enough of a man to talk to you, and deal with this "problem" then do you really want a future with him?

The other option, of course, is that he wants out of the relationship to begin with, and is using this as an excuse.

Either way, you need to take control of your own situation. Let him know that he can either grow up and talk to you like a man, or sulk like a little kid - alone.

Answer 6

A couple of things. First, you did something that irritated him, but you have apologized all over the place. Now, stop being so needy. You said you were sorry and meant it. He is being a huge jerk about this (if we have all the story).

Don't wait around for HIM to make up his mind. Who does he think he is to treat you like this and make you wait for his decision as if he has all the power.

You tell him once more, look I am sorry but if you cannot forgive me, I need to move on. He'll snap out of it, or if he doesn't he wasn't a very caring or loving bf.

Answer 7

Maybe you should ignore him too. Stop trying to talk to him for a couple of days or a few weeks. Maybe he will panic, since then you are taking control away from him. If he really cares, he will come to you eventually. If he doesn't, it's time to move on. But three years is a long time, you should have known him pretty well already. anyways, good luck!

Answer 8

First of all he needs to grow up, second you knew it bothered him, when you were late...in a Relationship both need to respect each other, and that means changes..if he can't forgive you well honey you give him the boot...why wait for him to decide..just think if you marry this guy...what he would put you and your children threw...let him go....you will be happier..and it is not really good for you in the future to keep people waiting on you..always ask where, what time, etc...good luck...he isn't worth the headache...

Answer 9

This is exactly why I hate being in love. There are too many shitty people in this world to trust your love to. If their faithful then they are generally boring and undeserving of you. If they aren't or if they are better then your or more then your match then they tend to careless about your 'feeligs'. All I can say is try to pull through, eventually your feelings will subside whne you forget about this jackass, and even though you may think you will never be able to lose these feelings and you will be forever scarred, those feelings are lies, it completely vanishes and you can love a real man the next time around.

Answer 10

Speaking from a man's point of view..whenever I acted like a jerk to the woman I was with, it was because I was trying to drive her away..it may be because I wanted to move on, or I didn't have feelings for her, or I wanted someone new..It seems if he is acting immature like this, he may not be right for you. Or perhaps there is something bothering him, and he was just looking for the first excuse to blow up and get rid of some anger. Sorry, I'm not much help...good luck