How do I tell my family?

Question

I'm have tried to be straight for 9 years and now I'm giving up. I have tried praying to God. I even took counseling but nothing is working! I have decided to come out as a bisexual and I have told about 7 of my good friends. They are all girls but I want to tell my dad and mom. My dad said he would disown me if i was "gay" which has kept me from doing anything. My mom may take it a bit easier...but what am I going to say to my dad? I have tried really hard but I can't seem to tell him because I am really scared.

Please don't be mean to me I have tried to the point of attempted suicide to be straight!! I really tried!

I'm sorry I have mentioned this but I am 17.

Answer 1

He may get upset but he is your Dad. As a parent, I've heard a lot of things I didn't really agree with but no matter what. Your child is your child.
Being a parent means unconditional love. I would love my kids no matter what they did, said, felt or a life style they would chose.
If he is mean to you about it, just walk away, let him cool off. DON'T take it to the heart. He is an "Alpha male" lol.
He will come around. some take longer than others.
No one can chose your life for you. Sounds like you have really put a lot of thought in this and that's something to be proud of.
No matter what his response, i would suggest you 'just do it'.
Remember, you have those 7 friends.
Don't let anyone discourage you from making your own life's choices.
Good Luck,
T

Answer 2

at 17 you have not really established a sexual identity. Keep praying and God will lead you back to the straight and narrow,. Don't give up. others are praying for you too. By the way. if you've been trying to be straight for 9 years and are 17 then you claim to have been bisexual since you were 8. I suggest that whoever introduced you to gay sex at 9 should be reported for pedophilia.

Answer 3

First off let me tell you that suicide is not going to help anything. Trust me I've considered suicide b4 and I realized that it's not the way. I was really scared when I told my parents. My Dad wasn't happy at all. He kept on trying to change me, he didn't listen to me or even pay attention to me. But since m parents divorced I don'tt have to live with the guy anymore and I haven't for 11/2 years. My mom took me being bi hard but learned to except me on the condition that I didn't bring a boyfriend home. I would try to at least tell your mom and tell her how you feel about your dad. Force her into keeping a secret until you feel that you are absolutely ready for your dad to know. I can't tell you how to do certain things but I can give you more advice if you want to email me, that would be okay. I was terrified when I came out. My whole family knows and accepts me except for my father. Only come out when you feel that you are absolutely ready.

Answer 4

You need to do what is best for you. If it has been 9 years and there are no grandkids, they may suspect something which is why your Dad said he will disown you, but you say your Mom seems to be more accepting. Your Mom is the one with him every day, and she will tell him that his attitude is wrong. I can understand you wanting your parents acceptance, but parents also want their kids acceptance so they can feel as if they have been a good parent, and by showing honesty towards then you can do that (as long as you are financially independent so they cant hold anything over your head, if you are still dependant on them, be who you are and tell them when you are not dependant on them). They may not be as accepting as you would like them to be at first, but they will accept you if the alternative is to not have you a part of their life.

Answer 5

You have to be honest with yourself first, and it seems you are starting to do that. Do you live at home or away from home? If you live at home and are underage, there is really no way your dad can disown you legally as he has to support you till you are of legal age.

However, I would just sit down with your mom and dad and say flat out, there is something that I need to tell you. I know your feelings on this, as you have told me in the past. But this is who I am, and I can't lie about it anymore. I am gay. This is how I want to live my life, and I hope that you can accept that. I hope that you don't let how I am affect how you feel towards me or love me anyless. I love you and always will and I will need your support at this time in my life as I am coming clean to the world and am going to stop lying to everyone about who I am. Some wont' accept me for this and others will, and I hope that you as my parents will still have the unconditional love for me that you had for me before.

I hope this helps you. good luck, and congratulations on becoming truthfull with yourself. I hope that you find all the happiness in life you deserver.

Answer 6

I know of situations where kids your age have been treated so brutally by family, I would honestly suggest saying nothing at this point.

With suicidal thoughts, it sounds like you have already gone through some depression because of fear of your dad’s rejection. You don’t need to put yourself in that position right now. You want him to accept you, as he should. But he may not be able to accept it now, and so you would just be opening yourself up to a lot of pain.

If he has told you he would disown you if you told him you were gay, it sounds like he may already suspect but doesn’t want o hear the truth.

Now listen carefully. I’m not suggesting that by keeping this a secret you have a free license to sneak around and do as you please. Gay or straight, we all have a responsibility to treat ourselves and others with respect and love in all sexual matters. All I’m saying, if your dad can’t handle this reality and his rejection is going to be devastating to you, keeping quiet may be the best you can do at this point.

But whatever you do, don’t try to grow up too fast. You’re still a minor and you have your whole life ahead of you.

Answer 7

I'm so sorry.... I went through much the same thing 32 years ago in a real conservative Catholic family. When I first told my parents that I was transgendered, they threatened to put me in the state psychiatric hospital, where my uncle had lived for many years.

They still don't accept me, even now at 46. I doubt they ever will. I went through the whole thing with praying and faking and trying to believe that God wold make me better. These miricales were not forthoming, and I finally came to the conclusion that who I was, was just who I am supposed to be.

I wish I could offer more advice, but you know your family best. Maybe it would be best for you to make some sort of arrangements as to another place to live before you tell your folks. Then, if the worst happens, you aren't left high and dry. Please take care of yourself. Please don't start thinking less of yourself just because you have parents who don't understand.

--Dee

Answer 8

Well, despite what others may say...if you are more comfortable putting it in a letter or by a phone call, you can say it that way. It is sometimes easier to say things that are hard to say without doing it face to face. If you don't say it face to face, sometimes people say you are chicken, or too afraid. I say why take the verbal abuse and guilt if you can avoid it.

What you need to think about is how will you react if your family alienates you? It's hard to deal with, but if you are strong (emotionally) and have the support of friends, you will get through it. I have had this happen in my family recently, it's very hard. Your family *may* come around in the future, but it is hard to say when or if that will happen. Loving friends can help nurture you like family. Best of luck, and don't feel bad about yourself or guilty at all. You are who you are, don't try to be anything else. Email me via yahoo answers if you would like. I have some web resources that may help.

Answer 9

OK, well, i say this, i don't understand why someone would disown there own son for something he can't help being, just be who you are, and maybe tell you mom....i don't know what she would do, but i would hope she would accept you for who you are, as for your dad, i would just wait till you are out of they're house, so you wont have to worry as much, i personally am glad i would never have to worry about a problem like this, but i feel so sorry for the ones who have this problem......

Answer 10

When I came out, I told my mom first. She supported my decision, but she could not deny the fact that she was a bit disappointed with my decision. But she explained that it was because of the possibility of the prosecution I'd most likely receive from the society. As for my dad, well, let's just say that he discovered my sexual orientation blatantly on his own. He never really said outright that he hates me for this, nor did he say that he accepts my decision.

I suggest you tell your mom first. If things go well with her, ask her if you should tell your dad. Your mom knows your dad better. She would be able to gauge your dad's response to the situation better than you ever can. So, ask your mother's opinion about this. Hopefully, your mother will be understanding about this. Chances are, if she would be understanding, she'd be able to somehow get your dad to accept your sexual orientation. Best of luck!