Don't Do Me Any Favors! Wives, What Do You Think?

Question

Let me preface this with the fact that I do love my husband, but there sure are times I am not liking him very much! This is one of those times.
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How many wives out there would prefer that your husbands not prepare anything in the kitchen, no matter how sweet and loving the gesture might be?

It is so incredibly annoying to walk into the kitchen after my husband has been in there, only to discover things misplaced, filthy and just downright a mess!

It is not a blessing to me that the meal tasted good or that it kept me from having to cook in the first place, when in the end I am having to contend with a mess that takes me far longer to clean up than it would have for me to have cooked and cleaned myself!

Here's the deal: For those of you that think I am an ungrateful witch who's husband is being abused and mistreated... Sheesh! You couldn't tell from my original post that I was talking about the ABOVE AVERAGE KITCHEN MESS?

I don't mind cleaning up the dishes if he took the time to cook. Of course I appreciate his gesture, but when there is sauce on the fridge, every mixing bowl imaginable (plus cereal bowls) is used up and the stove looks like he blew up a small animal right there... Come on!

Of course I am not "Griping" about the normal average Joe's kitchen mess. I was talking about a serious disaster area!

As for the one who is worried about divorce over the kitchen mahem... Don't worry. Why do you think I was seeking wifely "understanding" here on yahoo? Because I am perfectly aware of how sensitive a husband can be. :)

:::rolls eyes::: I meant "Mayhem"

AND FOR THE MEN WHO JUST DON'T GET IT:

How would you like it if someone mowed your lawn and left the grass clippings all over the sidewalk and spilled gasoline and motor oil down the front of your mower? How about we just go a little bit further and add a few broken flower pots and a flower bed that had the wrong fertilizer added to it so all your flowers die in a week?

Of course you wouldn't be "griping" about the fact that the person wanted to do you a favor and mow your lawn, but you sure would be annoyed at the mess that resulted from this kind gesture, wouldn't you?

Answer 1

WOW!

I think that is why my Mom kept my Dad out of the kitchen.

My future husband was being sweet and made coffee for me. Not a meal, just coffee. Not only was there a big mess, but my coffee pot was ruined. From coffee!

Answer 2

How about you just tell him to clean up after-wards and put everything where he found it. It is what us women have to do, so just because he cooked, doesn't mean he shouldn't have to clean up after his cooking sessions.
Be happy he cares for you enough to cook a meal. Remember, it's the thought.......

Also there are so many other things to get angry over in a relationship. Are you sure this is really the root of your problem and not the fact that you feel like you owe him something after he cooks a good meal for you? I mean honestly, if you cooked, you would have to clean up after yourself, so what's the problem?

Answer 3

I used to think like that, but not anymore...

Do you know how hurtful it can be to your guy when you knock him like that?? Imagine the shoe on the other foot - how would you feel to cook a nice dinner for him only to have him roll his eyes at the dirty pots and dishes? Would you do it much longer? Would you also stop doing other things you thought were helping your spouse because you love him/her?? Yes you probably would- and soon you'd be looking elsewhere for someone to return the feelings you once had for your spouse -- trust me!

Your man is showing HIS LOVE FOR YOU!!!! Please, I beg of you, do not make the same mistake I did and criticize him for that. We nearly got divorced because I did the same thing - he cooked & I sulked about dirty dishes, he did the laundry & I sulked because he ruined a $30 blouse. Don't sweat the small stuff - thank him for his efforts and see them for what they are: tokens of his love!!

Please understand I'm not condeming you for having these feelings - but I humbly ask you to honestly look at this from his perspective.

My husband is in the US Army on a 1yr deployment to Iraq and I'd just about do anything to have him home to make a mess in 'my' kitchen!!

Ask yourself this: is cleaning a mess in the kitchen that maybe takes 15 minutes at the most worth his endless love for you? It is for me!!

Answer 4

I feel you girl! Most men do not have the knack for the kitchen. If they see you trying to watch and enjoy Emeril, they have the nerve to try and become him. What they don't know is that Emeril has someone, prep the entire meal and kitchen for him, all he has to do is put it together. Emeril also has a cleanup crew, whereas at home we as wives are always the clean up crew. Thanks, honey, but no thank, I'll cook and clean up myself. At least that way I won't have to look in the dishwasher for the leftovers and in the fridge for the pots and pans!

Answer 5

Learning to cook is only half of the chore. You need to set standards in the house that you are already following but apparently not your big sweety. When my wife got pregnant and couldn't stand to cook from the seemingly constant gag reflex, I took over. She set the standard too, I wasn't angry, embarrassed, or bitter. Just informed. Your husband will be too. I tell you what cooking is addictive, let him run with it. Two cooks in the house are better than one!

Answer 6

I'm in the same boat i also realized i can be by myself in a clean house all day and it stays clean enter my husband and its a mess after id rather go out to eat then have him ever cook

Answer 7

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones because after my husband cooks everything is clean and back where it was in the first place.
I love having him cook and giving me a night off... feels great actually.

Answer 8

instead of griping, just enjoy the meal, then tell him that u will help him to clean up the mess and put things away. for me ( Im a man) i can cook a great meal, prepare great bbq, bake a cake and clean up my mess. all u have to do is tell him and quit GRIPING about an act of kindness

Answer 9

I know what you mean. I gave up he cooks and if he makes a mess it will stay there until he get the picture and so far he has. He fussed a little but he is much neater now.

Answer 10

you are so right,,and that goes for everything not just the dinner thing. But im sure u know that already..lol....i think they do it on purpose so u get mad because they do it worng or make a mess...just so that you dont ask them ever again....its thier way out of things.....but yes you are so right about this.