FILTHY mother in law!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!?

Question

i recently got engaged and i love my in laws, they are just really filthy people. they have 4 dogs so there is hair EVERYWHERE, cups plates, floor, even in her cooking. and to make that worse the dogs go in the house everwhere and they dont bother to pick it up it just gets smeared in the floor. they had mice and would leave them in traps for weeks sometimes. there are cockroaches all over the place. the house STINKS! to make matters worse they have a in home daycare. (the inspector is a friend and passes them everytime and yes i already tried to call someone else to check the house)my husband and i are trying to have children right now and i worry about their health. i have thought about what will happen when they want to see their grandkids. i have thought about cleaning the house for them, and telling them but i dont want to hurt them. my husband has tried talking to them and nothing changes or if it does it just gets pushed in a corner. they are not old at all they are in their 40s

it has just started to get bad the last 2 years. i live close to so i just cant blow them off. please someone help me i think i am going to be sick thinking about it!

my husband is a very clean person and is very disgusted with their lifestyle

Answer 1

This is horrible on many levels. I must say that I have been in a similar situation with my in-laws. They do keep a dirty house also, although not quite as badly as your in-laws and there was a dog involved.

1) YOU must stay away from them while you are trying to get pregnant, their home may carry Fifths Disease, something that could harm your unborn child that is usually found in dog feces.

2) It's the way they live, they will never fully change and even if they clean the house it will never be to your standards.

3) It's been 10 years and after 2 children my in-laws' house is still a mess and we live close to them as well. My husband hates it and we have talked to them about it, but what is clean to them will never be clean to me. There was a huge argument and we did not talk for 6 months (in a way I was happy). But this did not solve the problem.

4) What we ended up doing was limiting our visits to their home (no more than 1 hour at a time and mostly during the summer so we could be outside), and when they came to mine I made sure it was squeaky clean and I always talked about how much I loved a clean home. Offering to clean their home WON'T help, they will refuse because it's just not important to them.


5) Once your kids are born and you don't visit, they will get the hint in a BIG way. The key is that the complaints MUST come from your HUSBAND and not from you! I fortunately had an out (I was allergic to dogs). Once events (Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc.) were either at my house or my mother's house they started to feel left out and cleaned up and even purchased air purifiers. Is it as clean as I want it to be, no? But it is worlds better.

Hold your ground and make sure your husband supports you!

Good luck and most important good luck getting pregnant.

Answer 2

That's sick! I actually knew some people like that, and they didn't even realize the house looked like that. As for the house, it is their house and so there is not too much you can do. But, if your husband has already tried talking to them, they should be aware of your thoughts. So once you have a child just let them know you will not be bringing their grandchild over until they straighten up! As for the fact they have a daycare at the house...well the parents should be able to see the mess, and if they still wish to leave their children in squallier well that's their choice.

Answer 3

I have a filthy mother in law too. (ugh) We try to find alternative places to meet and hang out, like a picnic at the park, or zoo, or my sister-in-law's. Maybe carry hand sanitizer and have everyone,(even you and your husband) use it when baby is around. If we do go to My in-law's house, i hold the baby and don't put Him down. Eventually we're just going to have to tell her we can't bring him into a dirty house, so it must be cleaned for us to bring Him. Maybe do research, and show statistics or health hazards about unclean homes, or how unsafe it is. Or tell them the house needs to be baby proofed. Which may naturally include cleaning it!
maybe let them know you don't like all the dog hair around the area your baby will be. Or say you're worried about allergies developing...
If they have a daycare and think they ARE baby proofed, just show them your research. My friend is opening a preschool and everything has to be cleaned THOROUGHLY for the inspector. So, maybe give them a checklist.
sorry this a long entry!

Answer 4

First, I would contact your local child welfare office. It is not safe or healthy for her to be watching other children in a home like this. Once you report it, they should come out and check the home throughly. I would also find the number for the local health department and talk to someone (not the inspecter they use), but possibly a supervisor. Keep calling until someone listens!

Do not take your child into their home. The filth from the dogs and bugs can cause too many diseases to mention. I would even go as far as to say that they are not allowed to be in your home, if you have a child, as you never know what diseases they themselves are carrying or what germs and bateria are living in their clothes. You have the right to protect your child to any means possible. Possible you could find out who the parents are of the kids she watches and contact them too. Their children are in danger, although I'm not really sure how they haven't noticed the filth. Don't they come in to pick up or drop off their kids? Don't their kids smell when they come home???

Answer 5

Contact local health department on them. Tell them all. They should be required to pick up and clean up the place.

Maybe they got depression going on and just don't see the whole picture of the living mode they are in!

I think your only allowed 3 pets per household too. Might want to inquire on that with the local animal shelter.

Answer 6

When they want to see their grandkids they will have to come over to your house. It's that simple--let them live the way they want to. I am a neat freak--and used to (and still sometimes do) obsess about other people's homes. Now, I realize that doesn't do much good. The only person you can control is yourself--not her. Not her home. Also--about her being a child care provider you have to blame the children's (who she is watching) parents. It's their fault for not checking out where they send thier child daily--not her. They have to know where they are sending their kids--if they are fine with it then I guess you don't even want to see their home. Best of Luck!

Answer 7

After the baby is born, have them come to your house, say that its easier for you to keep the baby inside for a while.... make sure you say sorry for the inconvenice, but its better for the baby.... and you have all the baby stuff at your house, so its easier for you to take care of the baby. Even have your husband tell them, its his parents!!!
And make sure your husband, not you, asks them to wash there hands before the touch the baby..... it won't be rude that way....

Answer 8

I wouldn't let my child EVER go over there! I'd tell them to their faces that their house is disgusting and a health hazard! Come to think of it, I did that back in 1984 when my son was born. They refused to clean up their pig sty and I refused to let my baby be exposed to their filth and health hazards. He went over there once, with his father, when he was ten and refused to set foot in their pig sty again. If they don't care enough about their grandchildren to keep a clean and safe environment for them to visit they don't deserve to have them over.

Answer 9

You should be open about your feelings on this one. Your child's heath is important and should be your first concern. If they refuse to keep their house clean by the time you do have a baby, have them come to your house to see the baby.

Answer 10

Have your husband give them an altimatum saying that either they clean their house or they have to come to your house to visit the grand kids.