she is coming home today after being gone 4 days with another man. How do i tell her I love her still.?

Question

he lives in another state. what is she thinking. I am sure I didn't give everything she wanted but I could have. We have been together for 17 years and married since 98 with 2 boys. 17 and 14.
I am not mad at him or her I just want my best friend back!!

Answer 1

Whilever you are so accepting she will continue to walk over your feelings. Why arent you angry with him or her? You should be...you are the person waiting in the wings, you are the one who is being thrown crumbs and it is crumbs....You are her second choice....how can that make you feel good about yourself?

Of course, by all means, when she comes home tell her how much you love her, but also tell her that going with another man is unacceptable and that you are prepared to forgive her for this one thoughtless act, but will not accept it continuing.

Your best friend you say? What a shitty best friend she is. You dont treat friends like that, you dont treat them like second rate citizens. You respect them and want to do the right thing by them. I dont know why you have this mindset unless of course she wears the pants in your family and your feelings dont matter. I think she needs a wake up call and you are the only one who can give it to her. Women dont really respect doormats, they like a man to be a man who has values and is not afraid to speak their mind. What she has done is wrong wrong wrong and you need to see it as wrong. A wife does not do that sort of thing, nor does a best friend. I think you need to re-evaluate the meaning of your relationship because to me it is totally one-sided.....her side.

Answer 2

It seems that you are very much in love with your wife, so much so that you cannot see the importance of looking after yourself anymore.
Your wife is walking all over you - flaunting her affair, being unfaithful and waivering from the vows you both took all those years ago.
You can tell her that you love her, then tell her that you need to provide a good role model to your sons whom are at very impressionable ages, and I would take steps to separate from her. Certainly, both of you should try everything possible to get the marriage back together and I'd recommend professional counselling, in the meantime let her know that this is not acceptable, you didn't want this when you married, you signed up for fidelity, love, respect and honour. Your wife is not being your best friend, she is hurting you, your children and your family.
Any issues that you think were your shortcomings in the marriage can be dealt with and healed, however nobody should be betrayed because of them.
Marriage can be very difficult, a time of intense emotion and endless compromises, but infidelity should not be one of them.
Do not let this continue, make steps in counselling to repair the marriage or if that doesn't resolve the issues, move on in the knowledge that you worked hard at it and give your boys and yourself a future that involves honesty, and a father with his self esteem intact.

Answer 3

I'm not sure that I'm understanding the question... Your wife left the state with another man for 4 days and you are not upset with her, you just want her back...? Does she know that you know that is where she went and that she was with another man? What is she thinking?

I think that the best thing you can do is to sit her down when she gets home and give her an ultimatem...it's either you and your life together or him and thier life together. You cannot be willing to compromise on this, and she should not be putting you through this kind of pain.

Answer 4

Good luck and I wish you and her the best. If you still love her then tell her that you love her. I have been there, and done that so this is why I am telling you this.
If a person has never been there or done that, then they have no idea of what you and I are talking about.
I am sure the boys are glad that she is coming home as well.
I hope everything works out for you two, and do what ever you feel like doing. It may be the best thing that ever happened.

Answer 5

You need to start valuing yourself more; then you will be treated better. Get pissed if you must but don't call another man; you'll just feel cheaper and dirtier tomorrow. When you are sober, dump the married men (unless you want to feel like this every birthday for the rest of your life) and start again as a single woman. There are single men out there but you won't find them whilst you keep behaving like a modern-day courtesan. And ignore the cheap jibes from the youngsters who have something to say about everything and experience of nothing; you CAN and you WILL make your own life better. Just not tonight.

Answer 6

Wow! are you the guy from the other problem (17 years also with two kids) but, no more input? you still want her back? your quite a guy, why is she coming back? let me see here, wish I had more info but, I'd guess she's between 35 and 45 years old, a little young for change of life but, it can happen. It can be sporadic also until that fatal date. Or...did something happen in your lives to change things? Listen Buster, be gentle, be kind, somethings going on here but, somethings also about to happen. She may be coming to pick up her clothes or give you the boot.

Be kind, gentle, listen don't talk, least of all, don't ask a lot of questions like "is his bigger...?" stupid things like that. Let her take the lead and tell you....she may be very fragile and want to come home but, is afraid. Don't rush things and good luck Bub, your going to need it.

Answer 7

You dont tell her. Is she coming back? Probably after she gets her back busted out by the other guy, and he is done with her she is coming back. But if she would leave her family, (what kind of example is she setting for your son's?) to get some dick, she doesn't deserve to come back. What would that be teaching your son's if you took her back?? How can she be your best friend when she betrayed you like that?? How could you ever trust her again?

You can love her, without having to be with her. Make her earn her way back if you allow her to come back. You make it this easy....she will never really respect you as a man. I doubt she does anyway to have done this.

Answer 8

Change the locks and tell her the grass is greener over the septic system. It's clear that you may consider her your best friend but she doesn't consider you her best friend....best friends don't do that to best friends. Plus she's probably tired, worn out after a 4 day boning and you don't know what kinda stuff she's bringing back, not a good example for the kiddies and that should be your #1 priority. Trash belongs in the dumpster. And she'll just do it again anyway.

Answer 9

well do you know why she is coming back, have u guys talk about her returned is she coming back cuz she regrets it, cuz she realized what she was leaving behind. Your kids r old enough 2 understand what do they say? In reality if she is coming back cuz she realized what a big mistake she made and you believe her to be sincere then by all means work together at it, you may forgive but its very hard to forget r u willing to leave the past behind u 2 and start all over and work together in things u both want not just her, u both and ur kids. In life in order to be happy u need to be happy about ur self, this gives the opportunity to make someone else happy. Don't take her back if she is going to be playing games like ill come home but next wk ill take off again, that is not working together.

Answer 10

Save yourself a whole lot of heartache... have her bags packed and waiting on the front porch for her when she gets home. No one should EVER be treated the way she's treated you.

And if you're thinking "I can't do that"... think of your boys and what kind of example you want to set for them. Do you want them to go through life thinking the only way to be "happy" in a relationship is to let someone walk all over them? Or even worse... be the walker?

As far as being your "best friend," I think she gave up that title when she left with the other guy. With friends like that... well, you know how the saying goes.