why the majority of people that you meet for the first time ...?

Question

... start asking a lot of personal question, and they say thay want to know me. What exactely they wanna know and why? I beleive that you can like someone or not but that is based on your feelings not based on what people do for job or stuff like that. Do I lack of some relational skills here or what?

I had a friend for long time we never talked much about personals things but we had very good time laughing and cheering up eachother ....

Answer 1

Sadly, a lot of people are superficial and only care to make friends with rich people and those who are well known in order to gain from their popularity.

Answer 2

I don't know if you lack skills. I would say that this is perfectly normal social behavior. In my experience I do the same line of questioning. The reason is that you want to know what that person is about on a daily basis to form an opinion about them. The answers to some of these mundane questioning can give off a persons outlook and morals in life. People want to know these things to determine if your a like minded person or not.

As with any situation, social or not, you want to know what you are dealing with in order to know how to act/react. The more you know the better chance that you have to "navigate" the situation.

Ex: If through a line of questioning you learn a person doesn't believe in god, you might want to stay away from any religion talks as to possibly offending them.

Unfortunately in our society we have been taught that posing a certain question or discussing a certain issue could offend and that we should not offend anyone. I personally do not agree with this social standard and sometimes will not comply. But for the majority of the time I do. This is especially true in work related settings or possible networking opportunities.

Answer 3

I think everyone is different and any two given people's dynamics are also going to be completely unique, unlike any other combination in the world. Superficial relationships may be what both people want, and that may be perfectly fine. Or the two people may clash because they're looking for different levels of relationship.

I, for one, have been on both sides of the coin so to speak. I've had friends before in which we didn't engage in much "small talk" or personal details, and just hung out together for "fun". And the dynamic was very good, with everyone enjoying themselves and no one needed to talk much about more detailed things. But the friendships like that never seem to last- which is fine, as long as you know that. Not every friendship has to "last".

But I think in order to have a friendship that is lasting or more meaningful or fulfilling, it is eventually necessary to learn more about each other- a lot of the reasons already given above make a lot of sense. For instance, you do learn a lot about a person's deeper qualities from some of the "superficial" things you learn about them. And say that you like someone a lot and a good friendship develops- you wouldn't want to get hurt by the person because you never got to know more about them than "Hi" and "Bye"?

And say you become acquainted with someone and eventually you both meet your mutual friends or your own circles of friends- if you don't know the person that well, they could end up causing a lot of problems in the dynamics of your existing friendships.

They could be backstabbers, or users, or liars, or any other quality that you may not desire but wouldn't know because you didn't find out. So you get to know someone for both peoples' benefit.

Plus, it makes life so much more interesting to find out about people- it's like being a detective almost! hehe

Answer 4

That is the American way, we tend to want to catergorize the people that we meet,we ask age, which means where you should be in life, our job, our goals, married or single, gay or straight, do you own your own home, type of car you drive, type of friends and of course where do you hang out, as well as what church. All of these things make up their opinion of you. Which is kind of a joke, because people are basically out to impress others, and sorting out the truth can be tiresome, and it seems like what they told you in the beginning shifts to a different level, that is if you pass their intitial test of worth.Sad that we are like that, I know when I lived in London, people were not like that at all. If you lack in relational skills you make up for it in reality. Give your-self a hand!!!

Answer 5

yeah if they want to know irrelevant stuff that has no bearing on your personality like your job status and where you buy your pants, in order to like you then or not then that is shallow. But if that info is related to your personality or the kind of person you are then it is not shallow at all and you might lack relational skills.

Answer 6

People are curious by nature. I ask alot of questions but never judge another for what they do or do not do. It is just a way to make conversation. But I know how it feels, I have been judged and looked at funny by people and I just move on or just stay away they are just not worth talking too, when there is so much more to me than what I do. You know.

Answer 7

I would say you lack some relational skills. how can you become friends without getting to "know" someone? I have a friends EXACTLY like you...and it is the point that I avoid him, simply because he is so private. you cannot even ask this person, "how was your day?" without having some friction. that sounds like what you have described, and it is not normal....to most people. open up a little....let others get to see the beautiful you....and if not stay the way you are, and stay alone.

Answer 8

Well, one case for consideration is association. Some people may want to know if you are Christian or Buddhist, Republican or Democrat, etc. They may have preference of the kind of people they get involved with, and may want to know it upfront, so they won't have "waste" their time in the long run.