My husband and I have only been married about 5 months and he was recently arrested for domestic violence. I have 2 children from a previous marraige who love him dearly abuse had never occured in frnt of the kids! He says that he is willing to do anything to work through this, he claims spending a night in jail really woke him up. He started attending AA, and says he will even see a phycatrict if need be. I love him with all my heart, and want to believe him. Does anyone one know of someone who has mad this transition sucessfully? I don't want to take my kids through another divorce.
Sorry for any mis spellings
2006-10-24 10:22:59 · 11 answers · asked by jagergirl_1313 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It's possible but not always likely. You need to go to Domestic Violence (DV) certified counseling (probably for both of you if any type of violence has ever occurred between the two of you). You do not need marriage counseling though...the difference is that DV is working with both individually then eventually (usually 12 sessions later) you may have counseling together and marriage is working with you at the same time from the start. Seek a local shelter for possible place for DV classes or your district court may have referrals also. And children do not need to see it to be affected either...hearing fighting, witnessing it or the aftermath of it can all be detrimental on a child. Good luck!!
2006-10-24 10:31:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As an retired police office in charge of all domestic violence call, I have been called out many times to the same place with the same people involved. Every time I hear the same story, "he promised he will change". What is sad is when you get a call to that house with a " shots fired call ". To go in the house to find the wife or worse yet the children killed along with the guy who comment's suicide. I pray for you that he will get help, but please be careful and be ready to leave at the first glimpse of violence. I'm sorry if I have been to graphic, but you need to know the facts.
2006-10-24 10:32:09 · answer #2 · answered by loser 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can only change if he gets therapy and counseling and works through his problems, and this could take a year or more. He cannot wake up one day and tell you he's "changed" on his own. I don't care what he "says"- he needs to DO. If he's serious about changing, he'll have himself in counseling within an hour of being out of jail, and not just talk about it.
It's not about how you feel or if you love him or what you want anymore. It's about protecting your kids from HIM, not from another divorce.
2006-10-24 10:29:17 · answer #3 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am passing a very hard situation too, but i will tell u domestic volence and aa not a good choice and i feel sorry for you and your kids. Violence exist in us and is very hard to "give it " away. Maybe if he has a very stong but very strong will with the help of a psychologist he will suceed in helping him in the firs place. I wish you good luck and God help you. I wish you the best. If you want to talk to someone u can chat with me on my mess
2006-10-24 10:29:49 · answer #4 · answered by adella-mi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its possible to change. but id have the paperwork standing by if you decide to give him a chance and it doesnt work. have an escape plan standing by so you can leave prepared. Kids dont need to see it first hand to figure out whats going on, and the longer your with an abuser the more likely your sons are to abuse or your daughters are to eccept abuse.
2006-10-24 10:29:25 · answer #5 · answered by eric s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said AA, I wonder if he was drunk when he did whatever he did. If he really is a dr. jeckyl/mr. hyde type of person, where he only acts like that when he drinks, he just needs to stop drinking. I know people like that, that lose self control only when they're drunk and they're the nicest person in the world sober. So if that's the problem, make him keep going to AA and make sure he doesn't drink.
2006-10-24 10:41:34 · answer #6 · answered by nyer_stuck_in_dc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes i've met someone who has changed, but its tough and takes time... My neighbor was an alcoholic and abused his family, but he found Jesus lol they always find Jesus haha but he did go see a shrink and stayed away from his family for awhile.... you should look into some sort of Intervention specialist..
2006-10-24 10:34:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah, i'd really love a guy a guy that throws me around the house by my hair, threatens to kill me, those guys are really one in a million. and just because it never happened in front of the kids....doesn't make it better. because i can gaurantee that it will happen again. My ex, attacked me in my home in front of my oldest child at the age of four (he is 9 now) he still remembers. that was the 1st time. the second time was 2 years later. and again after we broke up. then he raped me.
so what exactly are you waiting for? for him to kill you?
2006-10-24 10:31:01 · answer #8 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, get out & get out now. Wait for him to clean up his act and have shown you that he's changed by waiting a minimu of 1 year. It will only get worse I'm sorry to say.
Drop him like he hot!
2006-10-24 10:52:07 · answer #9 · answered by Tonya L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatly I have to see a couple survive this.
You really need to be away from him until he has his acto together. think about the children. how would you feel is somethning happened to them because you wouldn't leave? how would they feel if someting happend to you because you wouldn't leave.
leave. let him know how you feel and that there may be a chance, but you need to protect your children until he gets things worked out.
good luck - you are going to need it.
2006-10-24 10:27:59 · answer #10 · answered by .... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋