So my boyfriend of almost a year just found out he will probalby get deployed to Afghanastan in Jan 2007. We have discussed getting married before and both agree we want that "someday". But also mentioned to him that if he does go and I have to wait 2 years for him to get back from Afghanastan, I only think it's fair we get married so that I know he is commited and coming back to ME! I don't want to feel as if I am pressuring him and only mentioned it once, but what should I do? What if he doesn't ask me to marry him and leaves for Afghanastan, should I put my life (as far as relationships go) on hold for 2 years even though he wouldn't commit to me before he left?
2006-10-24 10:20:22 · 15 answers · asked by BLA BLA BLA 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If any one would be worried it would be him. You'll be the one staying in the states. You realize most broken up marriages of deployment are of the significant other staying in the states cheating with others. If you two are in love then you'll both equally suffer. If you two decide to split it'll probly be the best. He'd want you to countinue to live your life and not be at a stand still for him.
2006-10-24 10:22:14 · answer #1 · answered by Gabri 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a military wife I can tell you that 2 years is a very long time (despite his r&r breaks) and if he's not wholly committed to you NOW then getting married just to make it legal and binding isn't a great idea. Would you be in the same rush to get married if he weren't leaving? It seems a little premature and maybe a last desperate attempt to hold on to part of him since he's going to be gone for so long.
I can't say I don't totally understand that, but maybe you should both discuss this a little more and evaluate your real needs versus something that's just placating an imminent feeling of emptiness.
2006-10-24 17:32:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is fair. Don't wait 2 years on a "maybe". If he doesn't want to get married, tell him "Ok, then we will have an open relationship until you get back." Trust me, I have a friend who is going through the same thing. She regrets not getting some kind of commitment first.
2006-10-24 17:35:38 · answer #3 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh man, tough question. I can tell you that personally i couldn't wait for two years if he wouldn't be willing to commit to me before he deployed. This damn war is destroying an entire generation of young married people. I hate to say it, but if he won't marry you, you're better off to just break up and see where you stand in two years. I'm sorry to put it like this, and I do hope you find an answer.
2006-10-24 17:26:34 · answer #4 · answered by Kitten 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry but Marriage is not going to fix any situation, if you think that he is going to go and cheat, which will be hard in Afganastan, then a ring will not stop him. If you love him, you won't pressure him. Wether you marry him or not, your life will be on hold. Don't jump into it! It would be too hard on yuo anyway, to get married and then not see him for 2 years, you will have more stress on your shoulders. Trust me! Been there, done that, and unfortunatly didn't end up working out.
2006-10-24 17:45:28 · answer #5 · answered by akraft1@verizon.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you would be so much more prepared to have a more
successful marriage if you would wait. I know it sounds like a long time,but he is not going to be the same person in two yrs
or you either you are both going to be more mature comunication
is so easy these days and you can do so much to prepare for
a easier life by saving where you would like to live etc. Also ;you
would be able to tell if he is still inlove by your conmunications
Wish I had the chance to be able to make my decision again.
Please give time a chance and make sure . Marriage for me is forever.
2006-10-24 17:35:21 · answer #6 · answered by Jeanie H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him how you feel and see how he feels. Perhaps he thinks it would be unfair to marry you and then leave you alone for two years as a narried woman.
He may love you very much buit marriage is a huge step, one that if you make. you will have your whole lives to spend together. Just because you marry doesnt give you that security that he is coming home to you. 50% of marriages fail.
Take your time, get to know each other and follow your heart.
2006-10-24 17:24:02 · answer #7 · answered by surfer_grl_ca 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a deep down heart to heart. What is wrong with just getting engaged to take the next step? There are alot of financial benfits to being married. But getting married for financial reasons is not a good idea. I would think a year is enough time for y'all to know if you want to spend the rest of your lives together. If he leaves with no commitment, no I would not wait. This is why y'all need to talk. Good Luck.
2006-10-24 17:32:15 · answer #8 · answered by Liz 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he doesn't want marriage don't pressure it. 2 years is a long time to be away from a person. Sound like you both need to move on. Maybe you will be together in the future
2006-10-24 18:38:06 · answer #9 · answered by fiestylady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't get married. Everyone that i know so far that has married someone in the forces have ended up getting divorced. Its just to hard and to lonly. Both of you try to date other people but still stay in touch and if, in 2 years, he comes back and you both meet up again and still are in love than you know its supposed to be! But i def. would not recommend getting married. I would date around and see if either one of you can find someone else!
~Good Luck~
2006-10-24 17:25:18 · answer #10 · answered by armesia_combs 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋